Help Me Help My Friend!

[Nikki3638]

alright... first off sorry if this is the wrong room... I really didn't know if it should go in here or where.....

Alright, so I have been chatting with a friend online and he’s 28 and in love and engaged with an amazing woman. He has recently asked me to make a post for him because he has become a bit confused over the last 3 years. He says he is confused because of a few things…. He becomes sexually aroused by a penis….. he enjoys anal stimulation with dildo/fingers….. he likes the taste of his own cum. So, he’s confused because he is starting to wonder if he could be bi –but at the same time he can’t see ever dating a guy, yet at the same time will think if a guy is cute and then wonder how big he might be-

If there is any response I can get to pass along to him that would be appreciated because all I can tell him is that it is an option that he could be bi… or he is just a freak lol --because he does like the female body—

Also if he is bi, he is trying to figure out a way to tell his fiancé this…? From what he has told me she has fingered him in the ass before, and has tried to get him to suck on a dildo and has tried to insert it into him.

[synirr]

Sexuality isn't always black, white, and grey -- it's a spectrum! It may be that he is bisexual, bicurious, or it may simply be that he is turned on by portions of the male anatomy but would never consider being with another man... all of these are perfectly fine and normal. He's the only one who can know how he really feels about it, so I'd just let him know that sexuality isn't clear-cut and to simply accept and be comfortable with whatever works for him

[synirr]

LOL, why thank you Iha

[whiskeywoman]

For a very long time in my teens, I would get turned on at the sight of female anatomy, and would fantasize about being with a woman.

But I would never do anything about it.

It looks awsome on film, but when it actually came down to it, it just seemed gross and wrong.

When I decided to actively seek out a female partner is when I feel I became "bi curious"

I felt my first encounter did not nessicarily make me "Bi"

after several encounters with members of the same sex I had decided that I was bi.

Some people would claim that they are going through a sexual identity crisis, and others will claim that it is a "phase"

and others will claim that it is perfectly normal.

Your friend needs to ask himself some questions:

Did this begin AFTER the engagement?

did it happen before the engagment?

Is the wedding date withing the next 2 years?

does it disturb him?

If it has happened after the engagment, his subconsious could be "lashing out" by trying to find reasons why he should stay single.

His mind may be telling him "you can't get married, we have this to work out"

Or it could be telling him "hey dude, you like it in your ass maybe your gay"

beause this was taboo for men and women for several years, and it still is in many peoples minds and religions.

The human mind combined with tradition and society is a very powerful and strange thing.

As many folks have said before, a man that enjoys anal play does NOT mean he is gay or bi,

it just means he enjoys his prostate gland stimulated.

I know this is probably no help to him, I am sure he would like a clear "YES" or "NO" answer.

That is something he must decide on for himself.

I hope he finds his answers.

[Tyger]

This is a great place for your question.

If your friend is fantasizing about penises, then, he could be bi-curious. Since has not engaged in sex with a man, it's hard to say YES he IS, or NO he's NOT.

Enjoying anal sex does NOT make a man gay. Now, if he's wanting whatever is penetrating him to BE a penis, and desires to suck a penis, then, again, he is bi-curious, and may be bisexual.

What people really need to realize, and, I know that it takes time and experience to do so, is that we can't control what turns us on. It's not a "choice", whether we're straight, gay, or bisexual. So, though he may be torn about this, he should speak with his fiancee' BEFORE they get married about this. He needs to choose how he wants to handle and perhaps persue this growing desire. After all, she should know what's going on with someone that she's going to spend the rest of her life with. And, to be fair, so should he.

He is lucky to have a friend like you.

[Nikki3638]

First off thank you all for you input!!

Synirr - I do understand what you mean about it not just being in black in white ... and in my mind is kinda what I had been trying to tell him *that he is normal - because honestly it isn't the first time a friend has come to talk to me about something like this* But I think he just seems confused about the idea of why he has started to notice these urges just in the last few years.

whiskeywoman - if I remember right ... he has been with his SO for about 2 years and a few months and he has noticed these urges/thoughts for about 3 years. I could be wrong though.

Tyger - Yeah, like Synirr said, "Sexuality isn't always black, white, and grey -- it's a spectrum" so, I do understand that there won't be def yes he is gay or no he isn't until he makes his own decision. Also, I'm not sure if the urges have involved having the penetration be a penis, but I do recall him saying that he has thought about actually wanting to suck on a penis when he watches porn. Lastly, I couldn't agree with you more about talking to his fiancee' about his feelings/urges before getting married. Honestly though I think she has an idea about this, or she is realizing that he is a bit of the "freaky" side. Because she has fingered him once, and has tried to put a dildo in his mouth and butt, but since he doesn't know how she will react he just says "no" and they laugh it off.

Again though, thank you all for your input and if anyone else does have any more advice or words of wisdom that I can try and pass along to him please feel free to add to this! ---also Tyger, I've always been the friend the people end up telling just about too much info to, so I'm kinda used to it and it doesn't really phase me at all. I kinda enjoy being like this because every now and again I learn something new from a friend that I get to try out with the hubby Now if only I can get him to be more open then we will be in business, but that is a whole nother post lol---