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Trouble Keeping It Up


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I've been seeing a wonderful woman for close to a year and we have both been through a lot during our time together (nobody has a perfect life). She was the first woman I slept with and it took me awhile to get comfortable psychologically because of the pressure I would put on myself... it took us awhile to successfully have penetration because junior could never stay hard long enough, and I am happy to say that nowadays we have regular sex, with very little erection problems (maybe one out of 10 times, and that it usually because I'm not in the horniest mood). I am pretty young guy, 24, and she has been very patient and understanding about my problem. I notice though, that whenever I am with her, or even masturbating, the moment my dick stops receiving attention (i.e. stroking), it will start to slowly but surely go down. Usually within 30 seconds it will be soft enough to be considered flacid, I suppose... Is this normal? There are times when I get a burst of hormones or something and I will be as stiff as I can be from when I wake up and it will stay that way for at least an hour or until we have sex, but for any normal session, it goes down pretty quickly. When we have sex, or when she is giving me a blowjob it happens sometimes too. During sex it usually occurs when i am going in and out in a certain way that doesn't give me the "two more minutes like this and I'll orgasm" feeling, or when she is on top. It is frustrating because it keeps in the mindset of always taking control and doing it my way, because if I dont control the pace, then it will go down. The times we have tried her being on top it has never lasted long because it has never felt as good physically. I am not a selfish guy, and I can't understand why it always happens.

I'm pretty sure it is psychological in someway, but the situation has changed so radically over the last few months (going from 5 times out 6 of not getting it up, to the opposite), that I think I'm just slowly but surely getting over my insecurity. I've been to the doctors and they performed a few tests (ultrasound, blood test), with everything being normal. The one test I need to still do is give a sperm sample, so they can tell if I have "wide veins" that make it harder for blood to stay there when I have an erection... anyone have experience with that?

We have a great relationship, and are very open with each other, but I'm not sure this is something she can help me with... I'm sure people have gone through this sort of stuff before, and I could use some advice. Thanks for reading

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Let me ask this to clarify, do you have issues when masturbating as well? IF you do, then it is most likely NOT a psychological issue. Men who have erectile difficulties, especially young men, but who can get it up and stay hard during masturbation are usually plagued by the "I don't want to get her pregnant" or "I want to do a good job" syndrome. Psychological situations like this are not present during solo play, cause then the only 'audience' is yourself. Unless, of course, you are thinking "I wonder if it will stay erect, I hope it stays erect, oh shit it is going down!" - then you will definitely be plaguing yourself.

Let me ask, did the doc do a penile ultrasound? There is a fairly common condition where the veins do not hold the blood or the valve in the penis allows the blood to flow out too quickly. If this is the case, then there might be some medical issues.

You may want to try a cock ring - this might help especially if it is a blood flow issue. I wrote an article on ED, and it has lots of resouces that you may want to check out, here is a link:

Guiide to ED

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