Newbie akawings@hotmail.com Posted June 4, 2008 Newbie Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 My first post, though I have been lurking for a long time.I'm 37, my significant other is 60, and we've just moved in together. We have an incredible sex life (lots of thanks to all of you), but I have seriously low self-esteem, and the issue I'm having is his obsession with porn. I like porn, but what he's watching are girls stripping or masturbating, not "porn". I've talked to him about it, he tells me it has nothing to do with me or how he feels about me, and yet I feel like he wants someone/thing that I can never be for him.I guess I'm looking for some male perspective on this, I'm just really stuck and can't seem to get beyond this!Thanks in advance for any help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amylynn920 Posted June 4, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 Could not have said it better Iha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted June 4, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 My first post, though I have been lurking for a long time.I'm 37, my significant other is 60, and we've just moved in together. We have an incredible sex life (lots of thanks to all of you), but I have seriously low self-esteem, and the issue I'm having is his obsession with porn. I like porn, but what he's watching are girls stripping or masturbating, not "porn". I've talked to him about it, he tells me it has nothing to do with me or how he feels about me, and yet I feel like he wants someone/thing that I can never be for him.I guess I'm looking for some male perspective on this, I'm just really stuck and can't seem to get beyond this!Thanks in advance for any help!When you say, "obsession", what do you mean by that? How often does he view it? Does he need to watch it to have sex with you? Does he prefer it over you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie akawings@hotmail.com Posted June 4, 2008 Author Newbie Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 Thanks, everyone, for responding. I "know" most of this somewhere in my head, but I'm still grappling with it. Sunflower: He can view daily, for hours on end, says it's "nothing more than entertainment", but he's on pay sites, searching out particular girls, and it's disturbing. He says no, he doesn't need it to have sex with me, but that sometimes he "needs help getting aroused". And I suppose that's part of it for me: that someone else is turning him on, and I just become the orifice.Iha: I've thought about stripping for him, but he's so into the "art of the dance" that there's no way I'd be good enough, and he's actually told me that. I have masturbated for him, and that's fine, I don't have an issue with that. I guess it's that if I'm here and willing, why is he still searching it out? He says it's strictly entertainment for him, that he doesn't watch sports, so he watches that instead. I've tried to explain to him that "entertaintment" should not involve naked women. I guess it's one of those things we need to agree to disagree on. Thank you, all, for responding, it helps. I dont' have a handle it on it, but I'm trying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted June 9, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 9, 2008 For a lot of men, there is a fantasy need that porn fills, and a real world need that sex with an actual woman fills. And there is no conflict there. They are two enjoyable but separate activities. Women don't believe this, but its true. If you are still having wonderful sex then everything should be OK. I'm guessing you feel you don't measure up. Nobody does. They are fantasy women in fantasy settings. Most of us guys don't measure up to the fantasy men either. And most of us don't even want to try.Fantasy is used to escape reality. So if My husband was sneaking around viewing porn for "hours daily" I am going to wonder what is wrong with our reality that he needs to escape. I have an issue with the word NEED. If you NEED it, it is a problem. I'm sorry it's true, if you are a person that needs to view porn I mean a daily need that if it goes unmet you have anxiety or feel slighted etc. It IS a problem. A problem that usually has 12 steps to fix! In a relationship where you are supposed to be exclusive, IMHO, it should be just that, exclusive. A lot of women (not all) consider it cheating if their husband or SO is viewing porn. Because they expect exclusivity. However if 2 people have no problem with it as a couple etc, it is up to them, to their comfort level. If one of the 2 has a problem with the other's viewing of porn or some other act that is supposed to be exclusive between the 2 of them then THAT is also a problem. I may seem judgmental and maybe now people wont like me or think I am weird but I will stand by it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amylynn920 Posted June 10, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2008 I have to agree with Sunflower.If you need anything vs want, then there is an issue. And it needs to be addressed. If can see watching porn to help him get aroused that's what it's for. But for hours a day? Does he need to get it up continuously for hours? Every day?I was married to a guy who watched porn while I was the orifice. It hurt. Terribly. Thank whoever that I'm out of that relationship.My man now doesn't watch it to any extreme. As he states it, porn is ok for the quick jack off session if I'm not around, but he has me, and says that is enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted June 10, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2008 I am going to agree with Sun-Flower along with Iha. Over the course of my marriage with my hubby there were episodes were he would get online to pay sites, etc.. I would interupt him per say, I would sneak in and catch him crawl under the desk and begin playing with him. Although I will admit I am a little more open minded about this type of thing since I am a little bias here I enjoy women just as much as he does.Of course was I disturbed him the video was off. I have stripped for him and danced for him etc. In our bedroom the sex was hot and full of fun. Are you and your SO still having great sex? It in my opinion is a fantasy thing like my fellow posters have said. Although he seems to be taking it to some what of a extreme. Have you sat down and talked to him about it? Told him how you feel etc? Just a few questions. Have you sat with him while he searched etc ? Tried to interupt him, play with him while he is watching ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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