Members shedoc Posted February 27, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Has anyone else had really dark fantasies when it comes to sex? By dark, I mean Violence, S&M, rape?Part of me would like to be able to trust someone so completely as to give myself over to them for our mutual enjoyment and satisfaction and to have control over them in the same way. To push the boundaries and do anything that we both agree to. Almost like unleashing something that you consciously or unconsciously know will never hurt you but takes you to the brink? It seems so off. What is wrong with me?I have been thinking more and more about this lately. I do not know why it occupies my thoughts. As far as I can recall, I have never been abused or hurt in any way. My sexual experience is pretty limited in large part because, I have always been self-conscious about the way I look (although I would be willing to do almost anything for the right person). Why would I think about this? Self-realization in case the situation ever came up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted February 27, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Actually Shedoc, rape and bondage fantasies are extremely common. They demonstrate our need to relinquish control, to be dominated, to be touched and bound and vulnerable in the hands of a man. Rape fantasies are not actually about the sex, but about the submission. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! I suspect you just have an urge to have your lover take control of you.Maybe you have the kind of life where you make a lot of decisions or are in control of things....ergo, you want to be "taken" in bed. Many women who have a lot of responsibilities and who are high powered have these fantasies of a man just tying them down and fucking them. It might seem like a rape fantasy, but really if the man who does it is someone you trust and consent to sex with it is not rape - it is bondage play.Now, if you are fantasizing about rape - someone you don't know attacking you and having sex with you - that may mean that you want to have a "no strings attached" primal sex act. It doesn;t mean you want to be raped.I often fantasize about being "taken" by my lover (hb) in a way that is uncharacteristic for him. It is liberating for me to give up some of the power that I feel I have outside the bedroom.Contrary to what people may think, abused people do not have these kinds of fantasies. In fact, quite the opposite usually. Most of the time a sexually abused person will be more sub-conscious and shy away from any kind of bondage play. I would say in general these kinds of thoughts are healthy and playful. If you do have someone whom you can trust to experiment with some bondage play - then go for it. Always have a "safe" word - have clear bondaries about what is and is not acceptable to do and then have at it. It will be a welcome release for what your mind is already contemplating!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shedoc Posted February 27, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Thanks for your response Mikayla. I am not involved in a relationship right now but it would be nice to have someone else take control ever once in a while when I am in one. I am always the one everyone looks to- the strong one and it gets tiring. Other than my ex (who I am still good friends with), there is no man I trust enough right now to play these kinds of games with. But maybe the random encounter is something that would be a release for me. Either way, I am not going to be able to do anything until I feel good about the way I look and I am having surgery in the summer so that is at least several months off. It is hard to feel sexy when you are seriously overweight by our society's standards. It is probably just pent up sexual frustration-- I long for a release with someone. To be really free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted February 27, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 I am wondering, and I am no psychologist here, but I am wondering if your "rape" fantasy stems from the idea that you feel your are overweight per societies standards and therefore unable to gain a relationship in any other way! It is an interesting theory.I understand your need for this kind of sex, because in my real life - I have a lot of responsibilities, am the "take charge woman" and I literally do it all! I raise a son, have a job at a law firm, go to law school, manage a household, help my friends with their miscellaneous stuff, have fun, take time for exercise and me, have activities with my son, and recently, started doing some other freelance writing work. So, when I get to the bedroom, I don't always want to take control. Sometimes I just want to be fucked. I want to be tied, I want to not have to worry about one, single thing except when I am going to suck, lick or cum! So I COMPLETELY understand. It is not an all the time thing, I do love being a willing participant too....but sometimes a girl has got to be TAKEN!On another note:I absolutely hate that women have to feel like this - that if we do not have perfect, perky breasts, and a size 6 or 8 or 10 frame that we are "fat" to men or the world. I hate that I am jogging 3 -4 times a week to keep my weight as manageable as I can - and in the eyes of some, I would still not be "thin!" My best advice - be comfortable in who you are. Have an exercise plan that will make you feel good. Eat healthy (I am a vegetarian) so your body feels nurtured. Nurture your insides first, then your outides. FInd someone who loves all of you. Then if you have all that, you will be able to live whatever sexual fantasies you want!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted March 2, 2006 Members Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 You do not indicate you talk to your current lover about your fantasies. I can't recommend stronger that you should talk to him about them. Men cannot be willing participants in sexual fantasy fullfillment unless we know what your fantasy is! Give your lover that chance.Ummm Howard, did you read her post? She is not with someone right now! She is having fantasies and wanted to know if they were NORMAL...not how to approach a lover she doesn't have at the moment!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie alexjerez Posted March 2, 2006 Newbie Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 Satisfaction by all means is what differ sex, good sex and FANTASTIC sex.....Even though I can not relate to my current sex life but a few years ago I dated a woman which was very attracted to dark/violent sex and I believe those were the best sex months/yrs I ever had. So, Shedoc, I don't think you have any problems at all..I guess is the woman inside the cage that wants to have fun!!!...By the way, thx for the advice!... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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