Newbie sarai79 Posted March 4, 2006 Newbie Report Share Posted March 4, 2006 I'm just telling like it is. I can't cum, never been able to, not by myself or with another person. I come to the brink and I just can't do it, it's frustrating, to say the least. I know it has to do with not letting myself lose control in that way, I just don't know what to do about it. Any advice would be vey helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members telecom69 Posted March 4, 2006 Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2006 I'm just telling like it is. I can't cum, never been able to, not by myself or with another person. I come to the brink and I just can't do it, it's frustrating, to say the least. I know it has to do with not letting myself lose control in that way, I just don't know what to do about it. Any advice would be vey helpful.Believe me, you're not alone. My girlfriend as pretty much the same issue and I believe its from the same reasons you mention. I know how frustrating it can be for you. Provide more detail and you'll get some great responses back from regulars here.1. your age?2. how do you masturbate? use toys?3. how did you grow up?4. how have men treated you?5. abuse?6. self esteem, and self image?7. relationship with parents?8. religious beliefs?If you figure it out, tell my girlfriend.Good Luck,Telecom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted March 4, 2006 Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2006 I'm just telling like it is. I can't cum, never been able to, not by myself or with another person. I come to the brink and I just can't do it, it's frustrating, to say the least. I know it has to do with not letting myself lose control in that way, I just don't know what to do about it. Any advice would be vey helpful.Telecom is right hon, give us a little more information, and we will be more than happy to give you a few pointers on how to get you to the "O Zone" - get it, cute right??? Laughter is good. If you are too tense and worried, an orgasm will never happen! It is a good step that you are here. I am glad you came to ask questions, I hope that we can help! Please give us some prelims and we will get back to you!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie sarai79 Posted March 4, 2006 Author Newbie Report Share Posted March 4, 2006 okI'm 27. I usually use an egg made of cyberskin that has a fun clit tickler on the end that I really like.I've grown up in a fairlyy disfunctional family, fairly repressesd, never really talked about sex, learned a lot of it on my own. my parents, well intetnioned as they may be really sheltered us, or tried to. Dad was, is, verbally absusive at times, never really trusted anyone in his life, family included. As a result we all kind of have trust issues, skepticism is par for the course.Self image, well there ya go, I have low grade chronic depression for which I'm taking effexor, low self esteem as well, or as a result of the depression, haven't figured that all out yet. Live at home at the moment as living on my own isn't phiscally possible right now. Puts a damper on the love life, but I can tell you, 2 chubby people can have sex on a twin bed and not wake anyone up,believe me I know . Was a virgin up until 2 years ago. Never sexually or physically abused. Sex is pretty good even given the situation,I mean I like it and all. The other thing is my SO lives in another state, so sex is sometimes a get it while you can thing, so things defintely gets rushed, like foreplay, I love foreplay, I could almost just have that and be good, that's a big almost though. No religious beliefs to contend, as I have enough on my plate without. Have only had a few experiences including this one.That's about it,hope I didn't ramble too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members curvacious_lust Posted March 4, 2006 Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2006 First, Effexor is a MAJOR part of this. This antidepressant has sexual side effects. I have heard of men having to take Viagra from the sexual dysfunctions caused by Effexor. I'm sure the same would go for women too. I would talk to your psychiatrist/doctor about this problem and see if there is something else you could take. I think some of it might be that it is a "get it when you can" and that doesn't lead to much romance or sexual foreplay/build up that is a vital part of a healthy sex life. I know I need an extended foreplay session at times. If you can, start saving up your dimes and pennies for a motel nite with your SO even if you are living at home. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pajsmg Posted March 4, 2006 Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2006 I was glad to see this post. I have been dealing with a similar situation. I can cum over and over again when receiving oral, but I cannot cum during sex. My boyfriend tries so hard to make me and has even talked to me about what he can do make me. Any pointers? I understand everyone is different, but any advice would be great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted March 5, 2006 Members Report Share Posted March 5, 2006 The Effexor is probably a big part of your problem, but I suspect it isn't all of it. The sexual side effects for most anti-depressants are severe - more severe than most people realize. Sometimes it effects erection, sometimes sex drive, and sometimes the ability to climax. I would look into a drug change. Ask your doctor which drug has the LOWEST chance of sexual side effect - I think it is Zoloft.Now, if you have NEVER cum, which you stated you haven't, then it can't be all the Effexor, since you haven't been on that your whole life. So, I think maybe the shelter part of your upbringing is part of the issue here. Perhaps you never learned how to feel out your body. My suggestion: a good old fashioned masturbation session. I think that women need to do this every once in a while, all women. Light some candles, get naked, crawl under the covers. Explore your body. Think about sexy thoughts. Use your fingers to touch your nipples, tummy, clit...explore yourself. Then finger yourself and your clit. Use your bullet if you want to. When you feel the build up just relax and go with it. Let yourself go by relaxing into it. IF you can't cum by doing that - and I think you should be able to. Try some of the Viva cream that is being offered for free on this site - it REALLY works to bring more blood to your clit, makes you extra sensitive, and will heighten all the sensations you have. This will make it easier for you to climax, and hopefully will get you going better. I have reviewed my experience with the cream, if you want to read it, click on the "Try Viva Cream For Free" link above.Now, if you really want to go balls out (or clit out) get a dual action vibe. Many women who have troubles climaxing can almost always climax through vaginal combined with clitoral stimulation. Get any dual action you feel comfortable with (rabitt, G-spot rotation, etc.) and try it. Once you have experienced the orgasm, you will be able to have them with your partner, which will make sex more fullfilling for both of you.One final thought, if you have "body issues" meaning you said something about being "chubby" - get all that out of your mind. Every woman is sexy and desireable in her own right. Be happy in your own skin. Be happy with your insides and make your outsides match the insides....you will be better able to enjoy life and sex with that attitude!let me know if there is anything else I can do to help!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ramy Posted March 5, 2006 Members Report Share Posted March 5, 2006 (edited) I was glad to see this post. I have been dealing with a similar situation. I can cum over and over again when receiving oral, but I cannot cum during sex. My boyfriend tries so hard to make me and has even talked to me about what he can do make me. Any pointers? I understand everyone is different, but any advice would be great!DO what my wife and I do....use a vibrator during sex. She could never have a vaginal orgasm until we tried the toy at the same time. Now she has some very intense vaginal orgasm's that even make me jealous at times Edited March 5, 2006 by Ramy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie sarai79 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Newbie Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 the chubby part isn't part of the problem, i actually like the extra cushioning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted March 6, 2006 Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 Well that is good! Good body image is so important! I would look into the Effexor thing though!Kayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.