Newbie kmann0617 Posted November 13, 2008 Newbie Report Share Posted November 13, 2008 For the past two months or so my sex life has been really boring....my boyfriend nevers wants to have sex unless its before we go to bed and its ALWAYS in the same position. I have asked countless times to changes positions and do it other times of the day but he always has some type of excuse. Normally he is too tired or not in the mood. He never wants to do any foreplay and just wants to have sex and be done. I love trying new things and he did at first but ever since we moved in together it has just gotten boring...Also, I have never orgasmed with a guy...just my toy...any tips on that?Any advice will be wonderful!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members thurisas Posted November 13, 2008 Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2008 This actually isn't an uncommon problem at all. In fact if you check out the articles you'll see this very situation addressed by Mikayla. The key thing is that you have to try to not only look at this from your point of view but also from his. There's a reason behind most things especially if they've changed. You need to look at the reasons behind the change. It could very well end up he's just a selfish person, but you say that he used to want to explore.My suggestion is this. The next time you want to have sex and he doesn't just go get your toy, sit down where he can see or hear you, and go to town. I'd be surprised if he didn't come to join you. The next time you get into the mood together and he goes straight for the gold you can always stop him outright and let him know that he has to earn his way in. Try to keep it light hearted and make it something of a game.Lastly, communication is the key. If you aren't letting him know that you're having troubles he's not going to change. Some have suggested that you open the conversation up with a question rather than an accusation. My personal preference is that you take the "you" statements out and make it an "us" thing. Instead of "I hate it when you don't spend some time in foreplay" you can say something along the lines of "When we don't have enough foreplay it makes me feel...".Regarding your orgasm, the only way you're going to achieve that with a man is to train yourself to do so. Don't be afraid to switch up your positions(once you get him willing) and don't be afraid to bring your arsenal of toys(if you don't have an arsenal yet, get one...you won't regret it and neither will her) into the mix. Soon enough with a little luck your brain will connect PIV with similar pleasure to the toy.Others more experienced than I will chime in soon I'm sure.Randy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted November 14, 2008 Members Report Share Posted November 14, 2008 Welcome fellow Okie! Are you a student or resident? (Just curious). IDK if there is much I could add to Rany's post and the suggested article. Is it possible to get a bit more info abou your SO? Does he work in a labor inensive environment? Is he lazy about other areas? His age? These are not really important but sometimes little things like this help to zero in on problem areas and possible solutions! One idea here may be to write down some ideas of positions or things you would like to try throw them into a box, bag, jar, whatever and when he is in the mood pick one and try it. The more you allow him to do the ol wham, bam, sorry ma'am, the worse it gets. You are NOT a blow-up doll and you deserve to get the same pleasure that he does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie kmann0617 Posted November 14, 2008 Author Newbie Report Share Posted November 14, 2008 he is almost 25, his job is being a cable guy he works Wed-Sat 8-7 which I understand he is tired then but he has Sun-Tue., and he is lazy. we have a baby and he feels wierd getting intimate when the baby is awake, which I understand but the baby does sleep. thanks for the advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie kmann0617 Posted November 15, 2008 Author Newbie Report Share Posted November 15, 2008 May I ask how old the baby is? Sometimes guys get a little weird after they become fathers and see their wives and girlfriends in a different light. He might be having trouble accepting you as a mother and as a sexual being. Heck, he might even be trying to help you by not having sex because of some misguided notion.I agree to use "I" statements rather than accusatory "you" statements. IE "I feel as though our lack of sex and foreplay is reducing our emotional intimacy."I also agree that using your toy will generally bring him to join and, if not, at least you get off. Instead of asking, though, you might try just doing.As for having an orgasm without you toy, it's just practice. You've learned to cum one way and will just have to learn how to cum other ways.the baby is 5 months old, so fairly new but not that new. I will definitely try the I statements, maybe those will work. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members froggystyle1977 Posted November 15, 2008 Members Report Share Posted November 15, 2008 There are several good articles on this site I recommend you read, and after go through some of the posts there is a wealth of information availible here!!Sexual disconnectionSex after childrenKeeping an old relationship newJump start your sex lifeBringing sexy backSpice it upThe last one has several articles to look through!! It can be very hard to keep a good sex life with a new baby and 5 months is very new!! The first two years are new and change constantly which can have a huge impact on your sex life! Do what the others here have said and don't let him keep going at it and being done that just shows disrespect for you, and makes you feel unwanted, something a new mother definetely doesn't need. Pulling out of a rut takes both partners. As far as having an orgasm while having sex, most woman require clitoral stimulation to orgasm and its very hard to get that while having sex, not impossible just hard!! Read some of the posts and articles about orgasms here what you seek may be possible but may also require some work, ask your boyfriend to touch you and rub you while having sex. that may work good luck!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted November 15, 2008 Members Report Share Posted November 15, 2008 How was your sex life before the baby? and has something happened in the past to months? One of you has gotten sick, stress for him at work, promotins, demotions? Baby got sick? any of these things could be cause problems in the bed room. and sometimes it takes a while for big changes to settle in, he might be trying to reconcile, not just you being a mother, but him being a father. Remember you had 9 months with teh baby before he did.so that might be scary to him, and you guys are young, so i'd be willing to bet that has something to do with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SensualWoman Posted November 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 Welcome fellow Okie! Are you a student or resident? (Just curious). IDK if there is much I could add to Rany's post and the suggested article. Is it possible to get a bit more info abou your SO? Does he work in a labor inensive environment? Is he lazy about other areas? His age? These are not really important but sometimes little things like this help to zero in on problem areas and possible solutions! One idea here may be to write down some ideas of positions or things you would like to try throw them into a box, bag, jar, whatever and when he is in the mood pick one and try it. The more you allow him to do the ol wham, bam, sorry ma'am, the worse it gets. You are NOT a blow-up doll and you deserve to get the same pleasure that he does.Umm, it's wham, bam, 'thank you' ma'am... hahahaha!!!! Sorry, in a smart ass streak here... Also it was too cute I couldn't keep to my self. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted November 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 Was the baby planned? Surprise? Was he on board with having a baby from the beginning? There are a hundred questions I could ask you to get you to analyze the situation, but it could be that the honeymoon stage of having a child is over. Reality and the extreme responsibility of having a child is overwhelming to him. ????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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