Raped At A Very Young Age

[Blueberry122178]

i was "raped" when i was 15, ( let me explain, i was on the bus to go home from a party, and one of the many stops that the bus had made was this stop that i knew where prostitution and 'everything else' happend. so i decide to get off at that stop. it was a park, BTW. so i get off, and look around for a while, till this Man approaches me, at first he thought i was a girl, LOL! i had long hair at that point. anywho, he kept talking i just didn't listen, till the thought that this man talking to me, could be the one to take my virginity. so i said, what the heck! we go into this abandoned warehouse alley, it was pretty much away from anyone seeing us. at first i start to walk away from the man, but then he takes my hand and puts it on his COCK, and OMG!!! i was shocked and Excited. saw my dad's cock once but can't really recall the details, was very young. so i start playing the this man's cock and then he says that he wants to fuck me. so then he bends me over this fan like thing, at first it didn't hurt as much as i thought because i started to enjoy it, but as he took his time, that's when i felt a little bit of pain.

not sure if that has "messed" up my life or not, i just know that everytime that i get into sittuations like that, where i am confronted, my entire body tenses up and heats up really, oh! really quick.

so my Question to you all is this:

Was it wrong ?

( to experience my first sexual experience at that age ? i probably would have done it at an earlier age, but my right hand was too busy, playing with my Cock ... LOL! )

now that my relationship reaches it's 9th year, my sex life isn't as it was when we first met.

and please don't laugh but haven't had the need to "fuck" for like about a year and a half or so, me and my partner still do fool around just before we go to bed, but we just don't "fuck".

( my mind has gotten nastier over the years ... LOL! i still at times have fantasies of having rough sex, kind of like the women in straight porn, they always seem to enjoy themselves, lucky bitches ... LOL!!! )

[Mikayla1]

OK, I am not quite sure that what you have described here is rape. I mean, yeah, you were 15 so NO WAY was it OK for this man to touch you in any way. However, if I read this correctly, you touched his cock, willingly. You had thoughts of having him 'take your virginity' and you allowed him to fuck you - and said it was enjoyable but was a bit painful, right?

This, to me, does not sound like rape - as in forced sex - but inexperienced sex, or perhaps you not knowing how to stop or if you wanted to.

Do I think this has messed you up? Well, no one can really answer that but you. I mean, if you have a dysfunctional sex life, if you feel like you need rough sex, or if you look for high risk situations, then yes, I think it might have messed you up.

[mystofpric]

Hey hun, here's the thing, if you don't think it was wrong than who are we to judge? The only thing that concerns me i sthe fact that it was a stranger. Did he wear a condom? Did you get tested after? Do you continue to get into situtations like that? I get that you like the thrill, and if thats your thing then by all means go for it, but please be safe.

Also hun, if you don't consider it rape than neither should anyone else. Did he take advantage? Sure, but it seems to me like that was part of the turn-on. I'd consider role play a bit.

Sex should be fun, and being safe is the funniest way to do it!

[Kama]

A lot of rape/molestation survivors experience physical stimulation/orgasm, but that doesn't mean it's right for an adult to take advantage of a minor.

[Tyger]

No, I don't think that you were "raped" in the real sense of the word. He didn't forcably take you and have sex with you. You were tentative, but willing. In the eyes of the law, he probably statutorily raped you (meaning you weren't of the age of legal consent), but, I don't think you were raped.

Did this mess you up? As Mikayla pointed out, it's really hard to tell. To me, it doesn't sound like you really regretted the decision you made to have sex with this man, and therefore, are pretty accepting of it, so I don't think that's a real issue. I'm not judging here, and if you're ok with it, then, that's all that matters after all!

If you're trying to find excuses as to why your sex life isn't as good as it was 9 yrs. ago, then, I think you need to actually look at the relationship you are IN now. Many long-term relationships/marriages suffer from the ho-hums. But, it's up to you and your SO/spouse, to liven it up. Add something to it, toys, watching movies, making time for one another, spontanaiety. All those things. But it takes effort....on BOTH sides.

Best wishes!

[Kama]

Pardon me for bringing up a gut wrenching topic, but I've heard quite a bit of child sexual abuse survivors were "willing" b/c they were lured in by the adult, but that's still sexual abuse even if the child went along with the adult's seduction. The minor isn't mentally capable of giving consent, and having sex with an adult can have damaging effects. I think pedophiles who use the old "But he/she was willing" excuse is the worst thing ever..They're kids and the adult has the power..of course they will go along with you. It doesn't have to be forced.

[pappyld04]

There is obviously some conflict in whether this was rape or even how you should feel about it. I'll leave the age out of it since we all know that is a legal issue but I did not see where you even began to be unwilling, either vocally or physically. There are things in your post that may scare the shit of some people, therapists included. But I don't that they ever amounted to anything more than just a morality conflict in your own mind!