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Can You Choose?


mystofpric

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DO you think you choose who you love, or does love choose you? If you are in love, can you turn it on and off? Just one day make the active descision not to love someone any more? And does that go for your friends too? Do you really choose your friends?

I have to say... I think sometimes it can sneak up on you and surprise you. Like you suddenly realize, "Hey, I love this person". I have had to "turn it off" in the past. It is like I talk myself out of loving that person, if you get that. I forced myself to hate them out of the hurt I felt. Choosing friends is a mutual thing too, just like love it can be unrequited.

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I feel to an extent you can choose. If you feel strongly about not wanting to fall in love with someone then you can find some way to stop it. I do understand having such strong feelings that they are very difficult to turn off as well. I always felt you should follow your heart. I have learned a lot about that in the last year.

My brain has 99% of the time gotten me in trouble. My heart not so much. Yes it has helped me find even more hurt at times but never got me in trouble like the brain.

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I think that alot of times it depends on where you are emotionally at the time. So many times you see situations where someone will fall for a person that they really have nothing in common with and is nothing like what they wanted or were looking for, but for whatever reasons, depending on what they have been going thru in their life at the time this person comes along, says the right thing at the right time and BOOM! all of a sudden you're "in love". Once that idea is planted you no longer see things clearly or logically....you are operating on pure emotion and therefore overlook alot of things that obviously would tell if this was the person you were "meant" to be with or not....you "choose" to blindly follow that love right or wrong. Later when the newness and heat cools down you can see things a little clearer and then you have to make the choice "do I commit to this relationship and nurture it from now on a daily basis or not?" If you make that choice you will have ups and downs but working thru those times strengthens those bonds of love...it changes and grows in different ways as the years go by and you can have a good and loving relationship even though there may be obvious holes and discrepancies. Like Iha said though, sometimes you might find yourself in a position where you later find the person that is the "perfect" fit in all the ways that you may feel are lacking in your relationship and you have to choose again to stay and nurture the love that you have or not, but hopefully you will know that the grass is not necessarily greener and you work at it that much harder. Basically you are making the choice on a daily basis your whole life long.

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Sometimes you do just seem to be falling for a person whom you "shouldn't" but you can stop it with will.

Totally...

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DO you think you choose who you love, or does love choose you? If you are in love, can you turn it on and off? Just one day make the active descision not to love someone any more? And does that go for your friends too? Do you really choose your friends?

It's a mixed bag, I think. I'm in love with a guy right now who is a real pain in my ass. Can't get my mind off of him, though.

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I do not think we can control our emotions, but I do think we can control how we act on them.

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I would agree, for the most part, with IHA's comments.

I think love goes through many stages and the infatuation stage can confuse many of us for true love...but then wait until that cycle is over and someone leaves that top off the toothpaste!

Unfortunately, love's cycle takes us past the puppy love stage and then a deeper love sets in. After many years of marriage, i must say i miss that infatuation stage where things are fresh, and less routine.

Ah, but life goes on and relationships must be worked at!

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