Members karadoll81 Posted December 29, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 29, 2008 I've been with my fiance for almost 6 years, we have a 5 year old together. I know he loves me and wants to be with me but the spark is gone. Every once in a while we will get it back but it doesn't last more then a day or two. I've told him and even written him letters to express how I feel about him and that I want more of him, more kisses more touching, MORE SEX, it doesn't happen. I've even tried planning sex and doing something he likes even if I dont like doing it. My goal is to get him back into the mood, every day not once a month or longer. I dont know what else to do I need help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted December 30, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 30, 2008 This is not an uncommon situation. Especially when we have children. I would suggest trying a daily seduction - a variety of things. Send him sexy notes or pictures in his lunch or briefcase. Send him sexy texts (if his work doesn't monitor) during the day. Buy some new lingerie and just put it on and walk by him. Surprise him in the shower, just to clean him off. Initiate sex - many men would LOVE it if their women would just initiate sex. Just try to keep him thinking sexual - the more sex a man gets, the more he wants. It is a biologically proven fact that when a man is having frequent sex his testicles 'tingle' sending the message to his brain that he needs to have sex. So, the more he gets, the more he wants.Try being nice to him - compliment him. Give him hugs and kisses. Grab his ass. Tell him he makes you hot. Whisper in his ear that you are going to get naked and masturbate, if he wants to join. Just try to keep the spark up. I have been married for almost 13 years and I have to admit, the spark is still flaming in our marriage! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members thunderchild Posted December 30, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 30, 2008 We were in the same boat, together for 15 years and we have a 9 year old.I brought a sex toy without telling him, I dont really like it that much. When I told him about it he was a bit put out but it didn't take long for him to come round and he brought me a new one! This sort of brought out the kinkier side of us that I suppose we just hid. We started having "play days". He works funny shifts and will get blocks of 4 days off in the week when our son is at school and I would book the day of work. Now for 3-4 days before we will not have sex but send each other sexy texts and pictures, we tell each other what we are going to do and what we want. It leads to hot days.Having kids and working, doing all the stuff that gets in the way you need to make time for yourselves. maybe get the sexy underwear and photograph yourself (easier said than done I know ) and send it to him, be very rude in your writing, write dirty to him, do something that you have not done before.This helped us. Good luck and let us know how it goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karadoll81 Posted December 31, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 i have done the texting thing (not dirty but playfull) and i have done the planning for time together, he will allways say "i want to come home and spend time with you" what usually allways happens when he comes home is he says he is too tiered or something last minute will take place that he feels is more important. im usually left on the back burner and left feeling like im not important to him. like i said i know he loves me and wants to be with me but regardless of my attemps to be with him he seems to find excusses to be somewhere else or is just too tiered to do anything but lay on the couch and fall asleep. the day after christmas i took him out to dinner and then he wanted to go to the bar so we did the hole night was wonderful. he sat by me (he usually doesnt) he kissed me a lot, held my hand or arm. i finally felt wanted by him and loved and like i was the only one in his world. we went home and had sex, he wanted me on top which i dont like but i did for him and the best part for me that made it worth it was when he looked me in the eyes and said "thank you". that night was the best night ive had in a long time and everything ended that night too. everything went back to the way it was. we allways have nights, moments and then its like they are forgotten and we go back to being roomates. i tried to keep it going with kissing him saying sweet things telling him i wanted to go to bed early and cuddle/play. it didnt work. i dont know what he wants from me even though when he shows me or tells me what he wants im doing it.im going to keep going and doing what i have been and putting to action the suggestions ive gotten and hope for the best. thank you for your replys and i will keep you posted on what happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Edge Posted January 2, 2009 Report Share Posted January 2, 2009 the problem and solution may NOT be in the bedroom...it may be in his head.Tiredness can be a sign of depression...how are things for him at work?maybe his self-esteem needs a boost...positive conversation might help (but keep it sincere)does he have a buddy to talk to? sometimes guys need to spill their guts and would rather not unload on thier SO.sometimes it can be a bit of a self-pity party...lifestyle changes happen - kids/schoolwork/chores etc...it all takes a toll.Kudos to you for trying...i respect your desire to keep the flame alive and the interest in keeping your relationship together. He's a lucky guy!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karadoll81 Posted January 2, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2009 the problem and solution may NOT be in the bedroom...it may be in his head.Tiredness can be a sign of depression...how are things for him at work?maybe his self-esteem needs a boost...positive conversation might help (but keep it sincere)does he have a buddy to talk to? sometimes guys need to spill their guts and would rather not unload on thier SO.sometimes it can be a bit of a self-pity party...lifestyle changes happen - kids/schoolwork/chores etc...it all takes a toll.Kudos to you for trying...i respect your desire to keep the flame alive and the interest in keeping your relationship together. He's a lucky guy!!i think you are on the right track, i can't think of what he would be depressed about but that doesn't matter he still could be, i think it might have more to do with his self esteem. i wrote him a cute little letter the other day he said he really liked it and said thank you and was cute with me for a short time. i have to say even though i have been with him for about 6 years i have no idea how to give his self esteem a good boost. he is so different from other males that i know. i will keep trying till the day i die or the day he walks away from me. he is still the love of my life and to me that is all that matters everything else is like frosting on the cake. about his work he is fresh in a new job that is finally one were he can use his talents. i would have to say he is happier at work then he is at home with me. thank you for your reply Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Edge Posted January 2, 2009 Report Share Posted January 2, 2009 perhaps he could talk to a counsellor...if he won't maybe you could. Track down IHA on this site - i thnk he's a counsellor. He may be able to offer some sage words.Wish i could help you more (and him). Unfortunately, self-esteem, like motivation, must come from within.Hang in there. Be yourself. Be the best SO and mom you can be. That way you'll have a clear conscience as time passes. Best wishes....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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