Watching Your Partner With Another Lover

[chloegirl]

Was on another website reading about men's fantasies and I was surprised to see so many men post about wanting to watch their woman with another man or even more than one. Now the 2 women together one I was expecting, and even the one where they want anal, but this one surprised me the most and it seems to be very prevalent. Personally I think the idea of it is very hot, I use the theme in my fantasies quite often, but at the same time I wonder how you can watch the person that you supposedly love having sex with another person and not be jealous or threatened by it. Does it mean that you really aren't committed to your partner 100% so can therefore easily compartmentalize sex to be nothing more than a physical act? Can you truly live your life together and not have that come back to be used as a weapon later on? What do you guys think about it? Like I said, I think the idea is very hot but I don't know how it would really work in real life. Educate me!

[Neuroticax]

My definition: Sex is just that; sex. You *make love to the person you are with, share your energy and feelings. But including other people, it's getting your rocks off - so to speak. I don't think that it doesn't mean you're not 100% committed, I feel it means you ARE 100% committed.

It took me quiet awhile to even have a 3sum with my ex, but once we did I had no problem with it. I loved watching him do another girl and knew that he wasn't going to up and leave me for her because he loved ME, not her. If I wasn't comfortable, he made sure it wouldn't happen. He respected my feelings and wanted ME to have fun, not just him. - That relationship has since left. We were pretty rocky, but not once was any argument over any extracurricular sexual activities we shared.

I think sometimes it's insecurity that leads to the jealousy. "What if he likes her/him better than me?" - "What if he/she is a better lover?" etc, etc. Been there, done that. It's a dark place and it sucks. Once I let go and realized that I was getting something that I wanted and I fantasized about, I felt a lot better about it. It made me happy to see him happy and it made him happy to see me happy and I was definitely happy. I was bi before I met him and am still after him.

Can things like this rip couples of apart? It sure can. Numerous reasons, but mainly jealousy. You need to make sure you're doing it because YOU want to, not because he wants to and you're doing it JUST to make him happy. If you're not going to be happy by the outcome then do not attempt it.

A good way to help yourself feel more comfortable is to start a relationship with someone you'd have in mind to include. Give yourself time to talk things over, converse, share ideas and definitely limits. If you go along with the 3sum and find that it was hotter in your head, but you can live with the fact you tried and hey, it just wasn't for you, then you could even have added a friendship to your life and no harm is done.

*make love: This can include any form of sexual activity that is between ones lover and thyself.

[pappyld04]

I would say it has a lot to do with letting your partner try new things. Everyone has fantasies that they would like to try but their partner is so narrow minded that they cannot even tell their thoughts much less act on them.

[ManofHerdreams]

As a fantasy I think the idea is hot but it's one that I think is better left as a fantasy. I don't think that I could go through with it and not expect it to impact my relationship with my SO.

It's actually immaterial as my SO would never do anything like that even if I wanted to. Like Pappy said, most of my fantasies are better kept to myself.

[ladylove]

As a fantasy I think the idea is hot but it's one that I think is better left as a fantasy. I don't think that I could go through with it and not expect it to impact my relationship with my SO.

It's actually immaterial as my SO would never do anything like that even if I wanted to. Like Pappy said, most of my fantasies are better kept to myself.

I agree with the boys on this one. Fantasies are better left Fantasies. NEVER, I repeat, NEVER would that fly here. I would never allow it. Not sure if SO would really want the reality. Maybe I'm just being naive.

[sass]

I think this idea, as a fantasy, is incredibly erotic. But the reality of it is not sometihng which would work for us, where we are.

I think this is a good point. Each person and relationship is different, and where we are in those relationships can make a difference as well. This new one that I am in ... no way! I cannot imagine him wanting to see me with another man and I cannot imagine doing anything with another man with him there. NO WAY! However, the FWB I had that many of you will remember me discussing, he totally would have gotten a thrill out of it and I probably would have to (although nothing like that happened).

I think living out this or any fantasy just depends on the who, what and when. I have fantasies about hardcore bondage. There are men who I would have thought about living it out with and there are those I would not have done it with. My current love? I don't know. Probably, if he was interested, but we are still too early on to know. Again, the 'when" isn't right even if the "who" is.

[sun_flower969]

I just think it is a surefire way to add complications to a relationship. I do know some who have had threesomes and watched etc and are FINE w/ it but it takes a special (very secure) kind of person to be able to handle it.

I know my H has said to me that it is kind of a fantasy of his to watch but if it came down to the real thing... NO FUCKING WAY! He couldn't handle it. Watching me get it from some other dude, uh uh... he would undoubtedly become very jealous and insecure about us and whether I like the other guy better, was his cock bigger, was I thinking about him and bla, bla, freakin', bla...

Same way with me! I have a WICKED jealous streak! If I have feelings for a guy I don't even want to know if he thought a girl was cute!

Not for me, I couldn't handle it I'll just keep it in my fantasy file!

[ohshelly]

I am full agreement with LL. Wouldn't fly.

[MarieMarie]

I'm fairly certain that I would resort to fisticuffs rather early on in the activity.

[sun_flower969]

I'm fairly certain that I would resort to fisticuffs rather early on in the activity.

Hahaha you are my kind of girl! You crack me up!

[ToyQueen]

I don't share...

[ladylove]

I don't share...

I was never good at sharing either

[tkla]

I seem to be the odd ball here...while I can't imagine hubby and I adding another man to our lives...sexually speaking, we have added another woman...and I find it INSANELY erotic to watch them together...he feels the same about watching her and I together....it has been a very fun and erotic experience for us, and has happened a few times...but always with the same girl..

[CGEM]

Hi All,

I share this fantasy. As a thought, that is just hot as hell. But as hot as it would be, I wouldn't go living it because I'm quite certain I couldn't handle it. Some fantasies are just better as fantasies. Another example of the same phenomenon is a threesome in a committed relationship.

CGEM

[DADT]

You would have to be so sure that your emotional bond was so strong, that allowing the other to have sex in front of you would not result in a disturbing experience rather that a titillating one. Would you really want to test yourself that way?

Sure it seems like a hot idea, but IMO, there are better options. Why not use a video cam to record sex with your SO. Just pretend to be someone else, and have the camera focus on your SO so it seems like it might be someone else. You're harmlessly tricking yourself.

Or if you want there to be other people in the room, why find another couple who like the idea and have sex with your SO while they have sex together. You have the spice of other people seeing you, but you are having sex with the person your heart belongs too. You are showing off together.

[Neuroticax]

Said person has to do it because THEY want it, THEY want to see it. If there's major doubt, it shouldn't happen.

Then again threesomes and moresomes have been the best thing to happen to some couples.

[dscn]

honestly I don't think I would be able to handle that.

[kisskat]

I do think it is erotic but I can't imagine doing it in real life...I for one am a very possessive person. I can't imagine sharing my husband with someone else even if it is just one time.

[zakdad]

OK, I have to chime in here. My wife and I have done this. We have had MFM and a FMF threesomes. They were great for us even if it has been several years since we have done this. It made our strong relationship stronger!

We had been together for a round 12 years or so and started really talking about our fantasies. I told her I would love to see her with another man as long as I was somewhat involved in it all. We used the fantasy in our sex life and had a lot of fun with it. We started talking about what if it really happened. So, we started reading about how people go about doing something like this and how to set rules and avoid jealousy. We did a lot of talking and researching before we even looked for someone else. We knew we were doing it for fun and nothing more! Sex is just sex! Making love is what we do alone.

The first time, the other never penetrated her, just oral. That was fun and we decided to try more. The next was the FMF. I never penetrated the other woman, just oral and it was also fun. She got to fullfill he bi side!

We had a friend that was going through a bad divorce. We had talked about him before and thought he might be up for some "fun"! He was over one night and the 3 of us were alone and we turned the talk to sex. We talked about all kinds of sexual things and I finally ask him if he would like her to give him a blow job. He said hell yeah!! So, she goes over an blew his mind! He left a little bit later and we ended up having incredible sex that night and well into the next morning!! We both enjoyed that very much!

A few weeks later, we had decided we were going to get a hotel room for a night with a whirlpool tub. We never really talked about him coming with us. We got there and the tub was huge and we both had the same idea, let's get our friend to come over to the hotel. So, I called him and told him what we had on our minds. He was there in a flash!! That was the first time anyone else besides me had penetrated her! It was amasing for all of us. The 3 of us had sex all night until a little before checkout! She was sore for days, but had a smile on her face that you couldn't scrape off and so did I!!

We continued to have fun with our friend from time to time. We finally decided that we needed to take a break from doing this so he might be able to find someone to be happy with. We are both happy that we lived out these and it has made our relationship and sex life stronger! We have NEVER thrown anything in the others face, but we do still talk about it from time to time. We are not against doing it again, but we are not forcing the issue, either. We are happy with each other and if it happens again, we know we can handle it!

It isn't for everyone and we have seen it split couples apart. You have to be very secure in your relationship and neither can be the jealous type!! So yes, it can be a great fantasy that needs to be kept a fantasy, but it can work out if you both agree on everything that might happen. That is the biggest thing, make sure you both know and want what might happen. Some of us can and some of us can't. That one is for everyone to figure out with their SO's! It worked for us, though and it was a blast!!

Peace,

Mark

[DADT]

OK, I have to chime in here. My wife and I have done this. We have had MFM and a FMF threesomes. They were great for us even if it has been several years since we have done this. It made our strong relationship stronger!

We had been together for a round 12 years or so and started really talking about our fantasies. I told her I would love to see her with another man as long as I was somewhat involved in it all. We used the fantasy in our sex life and had a lot of fun with it. We started talking about what if it really happened. So, we started reading about how people go about doing something like this and how to set rules and avoid jealousy. We did a lot of talking and researching before we even looked for someone else. We knew we were doing it for fun and nothing more! Sex is just sex! Making love is what we do alone.

The first time, the other never penetrated her, just oral. That was fun and we decided to try more. The next was the FMF. I never penetrated the other woman, just oral and it was also fun. She got to fullfill he bi side!

We had a friend that was going through a bad divorce. We had talked about him before and thought he might be up for some "fun"! He was over one night and the 3 of us were alone and we turned the talk to sex. We talked about all kinds of sexual things and I finally ask him if he would like her to give him a blow job. He said hell yeah!! So, she goes over an blew his mind! He left a little bit later and we ended up having incredible sex that night and well into the next morning!! We both enjoyed that very much!

A few weeks later, we had decided we were going to get a hotel room for a night with a whirlpool tub. We never really talked about him coming with us. We got there and the tub was huge and we both had the same idea, let's get our friend to come over to the hotel. So, I called him and told him what we had on our minds. He was there in a flash!! That was the first time anyone else besides me had penetrated her! It was amasing for all of us. The 3 of us had sex all night until a little before checkout! She was sore for days, but had a smile on her face that you couldn't scrape off and so did I!!

We continued to have fun with our friend from time to time. We finally decided that we needed to take a break from doing this so he might be able to find someone to be happy with. We are both happy that we lived out these and it has made our relationship and sex life stronger! We have NEVER thrown anything in the others face, but we do still talk about it from time to time. We are not against doing it again, but we are not forcing the issue, either. We are happy with each other and if it happens again, we know we can handle it!

It isn't for everyone and we have seen it split couples apart. You have to be very secure in your relationship and neither can be the jealous type!! So yes, it can be a great fantasy that needs to be kept a fantasy, but it can work out if you both agree on everything that might happen. That is the biggest thing, make sure you both know and want what might happen. Some of us can and some of us can't. That one is for everyone to figure out with their SO's! It worked for us, though and it was a blast!!

Peace,

Mark

Sounds like this worked for you because it really was both of your idea. Plus you had 12 years of trust built up in the bank. Your "sex is just sex" attitude can work as long as you both really believe it after the act is done. In your case it was like a nice gift to each other. Neither of you was doing the other a favor, or indulging the other against your better judgment. You have a rare thing there.

[zakdad]

Sounds like this worked for you because it really was both of your idea. Plus you had 12 years of trust built up in the bank. Your "sex is just sex" attitude can work as long as you both really believe it after the act is done. In your case it was like a nice gift to each other. Neither of you was doing the other a favor, or indulging the other against your better judgment. You have a rare thing there.

You are exactally right, DADT! The trust was already in place and we weren't doing a favor for the other one. We do have something rare that none of our friends have! We are best friends and are truely soulmates that love each other deeply. I wish more people could have what we have. Not the sex with others, but the last part!

Peace,

Mark

[ohshelly]

Question: Did your friend ever find someone special?

[sass]

Thanks for sharing Mark. I love the stories about you and the Mrs. They are always hot, but also show how great your relationship is.

[zakdad]

Oh Shelly, he did and is engaged now. We are very happy for him and hope this one works out! We hope he has a relationship like we do.

Thanks, MsLayD! Yes, we are a rare couple and wish more could have what we have. It seems some do on the board and makes us know we are not alone. It's not because of the "swinging" that our relationship is so strong(even if it did bring us even closer together), the relationship was strong that allowed us to be able to do this. Glad you liked what we did.

[square]

Was on another website reading about men's fantasies and I was surprised to see so many men post about wanting to watch their woman with another man . . .

. . . but at the same time I wonder how you can watch the person that you supposedly love having sex with another person and not be jealous or threatened by it. . . .

I would not pleased to watch my wife with another guy. She, on the other hand, is bi-curious, would like to try girl-girl encounters (has had a couple of touchy-feely ones so far), would like to do a threesome, and says she thinks it would be hot to watch me doink another girl. Can't say that I understand it all, but from what she tells me and what I read here, I see that some people are OK with watching their SOs with someone else.

The thought of her with another girl, though, I find quite erotic (even if it's just them; that is, not a threesome with me involved). I guess I don't see another girl being a threat to the marriage, but another guy is a different story.