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The Worst Lover Ever


Smile4Me

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We all LOVE talking about the best sexual experiences, but I'd like to put a little spin on things and find out what makes someone a less-than-satisfactory lover.

Men & Women BOTH...this is not a Man-Bashers Annonymous meeting, LOL, I want everyone's input!

I want to know about the worst lover (or perhaps sexual experience, to make it a little less demeaning) you've ever had!! Details too! What was it about this experience/person (obviously, be kind and don't give REAL names, LOL) that just really left you thinking "Are you serious?" It seems as though the ones who put on the best show outside of the bedroom end up being the most disappointing, am I alone there? What is the real non-starter for you when it comes down to getting down and dirty?

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My very first "don't take me there" is a date that remains on topic with their x! That is no first date topic, won't get anyone excited and just says I don't want to be here! The old beat around the bush types also piss me off. If they have no clue then how would they expect me to? Oh yeah, if you feel the need to lay there like a sack of cement you might want to consier how much a sack of cement would eat in comparison cause I'd go for the one that doesn't eat!

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I was with a guy who apparently thought just pounding away, as hard and deep as possible and without much rhythm, was what women want. He'd seen one too many bad pornos, methinks. What made it particularly unpleasant was that he was pretty hung... thanks for bruising my cervix, guy.

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In general what ticks me off are the women who feel that they need to be kissed, petted, stroked, rubbed, played with and made love to

for as long as it takes to get them in the mood and get them off. But men, like dogs, only need to climb on and pump till it's over.

They don't seem to get it that men like to be made love to, also. Kissed all over, massaged, stroked and even fibbed to about

their manliness. I would love to lay back and be loved for an hour or more with nothing asked for in return.

That's my rant for the day.

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My idiot ex as I have talked about before. For him first off sex was few and far between. When it did happen it was 15 minutes tops from the beginning of foreplay to climax. He was into one position only and as soon as we were done he was gone. I lived that way for way too long. I then got with my current SO about a little over 15 months ago and realized there was SO MUCH more out there....lol.

I feel bad for the woman my ex is with now....then again unless she likes very boring and very predictable. Who knows.

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In general what ticks me off are the women who feel that they need to be kissed, petted, stroked, rubbed, played with and made love to

for as long as it takes to get them in the mood and get them off. But men, like dogs, only need to climb on and pump till it's over.

They don't seem to get it that men like to be made love to, also. Kissed all over, massaged, stroked and even fibbed to about

their manliness. I would love to lay back and be loved for an hour or more with nothing asked for in return.

That's my rant for the day.

3b, this should be a stickie!!!!!!!!! Especially the lying part!
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My sister in laws complained so much about their bad sexual experinces I bought them all bullets and since then they been raiding my sex toy collection.

Glenn

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You need to disconnect the rapist from a lover em! Nowhere near the same!

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I agree time to seperate so that hopefully in time you can move on. There is definately a difference between a lover as you are making love whereas rape is not making love it is just sex. Just a thought.

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Wow, very interesting replies everyone!

First of all BBBoomer: very very interesting answer. Thank you for putting your heart into it :D LOL Don't sugarcoat it, tell us how you really feel :lol:

Eminatic, I definitely have to agree with pappy...I wouldn't include "rapist" in the lover category. He'd be in the slimy pathetic piece of shit category, one of those pitiful specimens that you shudder being in the same room with. Let's face it, some people just have serious issues and use sex as a means to regain "control"...I've met one too many men (sorry guys, no assumptions intended) who are so terribly insecure that they become sexual deviants, in the worse kind of ways. But that's all I'll say about that. Back to happy flowers and sunshine and pretty pink tootoos. :)

I have to say my worst sexual experience/lover was definitely the "boyfriend" who took the BIG V (ughh good grief, what a waste of perfectly good virginity). First of all, foreplay wasn't in his sex-cabulary. Second, he was the worst 2-pump chump I've ever met. Don't get me wrong, a little quick can be worked around, but this guy was beyond repair...sometimes he would cum before ever getting it in there; literally, just rubbing up against him wrong! So, needless to say, the majority of our sexual activities consisted of him lying on top of me for about 30-seconds, concluding with a less than enthusiastic grunt. I hope he found help for that problem. I'm certainly glad I threw in the towel when I did, since later I found out he was luring 13-14 yr old girls into sleeping with him (this from a 21 yr old)...ahh yes indeed there are some pathetic excuses for human beings out there. Perhaps he did it because he knew they didn't know any better (gag). Hindsight is indeed 20/20.

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"...I've met one too many men (sorry guys, no assumptions intended)"

No need to apologize for what we alreay know!

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LOL PAPPY---my pitiful attempt to remain as politically correct as possible!! I'm sure Prison Betty is snarling in the corner at her next conquest, so men alone should by NO MEANS be singled out as the "rapists"

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My worst? An ex-fiance of mine from waaaaaaay back when. I always like to make the joke that if God asked me to decide to do away with either penetration or oral sex, that I'd do away with penetration. I am the girl that got to live that way for a while and you know what? It was hell on earth.

I think the guy actually had something wrong with him. He was 37 and had NO control over his ejaculation. He was literally "gone in 60 seconds." He couldn't even reach a full erection and he would cum within seconds of entering me - if he even did enter me. It was so damn small that I could NOT feel it.

When he would finish so quickly he would always say things like "Damn you have me so sensitive that I can't control it" or "You're so hot that it makes me cum just thinking about being with you." Ummm... I know I'm hot, so what's your next excuse? :D (I never said that BTW) Well after being with the guy for over a year, he never learned to control it. It was always the same.

And gentlemen? I don't lie to my husband about his manhood. I'm quite happy with that thing just the way it is. I just don't get to play with it as often as I'd like, but when I do, he knows how much I appreciate his huge cock.

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Hmmm I think it's a tie between my first (he was soooo bad andit was soooo awkward that when he asked me if it was good I dryly answered "i'm throughly enjoying myself"). And 'phone sex guy' who thought he was god gift to sex and then when we did have sex he'd simply try to rub my clit out of exisitence and hump like the energizer bunny on crack.

Then there was the college FWB. This guy, was well a 10 second man when I met him. But he was trainable and train i did! 5 years later he could last a soild two hours and get me off too many times to count! I'd have to stop before he did! Anyway two funny stories about Frank* (*names have been changed to protect the people invovled, cause your gonna laugh) We worked in the theatre together and after a singularly long show I had made it very clear to my co-workers I was beat and going to bed. I did this mostly because Frank had pissed me off (I ran to the potty, someone needed me on head set so when I got back he jumped in my stuff "where'd you go? Who said you could leave? You need to be on headset" etc etc etc) and since I was young and dumb and wanted to piss Frank off I was hardcore flirting it up with one of the other guys that we worked with. This other guy wanted me to go out and I didn't so I said I was going home to go to bed. When I got back to my dorm I stayed downstairs to play pool with some friends and didn't get upstairs to my room til late. Frank had called, he wanted to "cuddle". I said sure, pulled on something sexy and my robe and ran down to the doors to let him in. Any way after cuddling for like 30 seconds I started to give him head, I wasn;t down there but literally 10-30seconds when he finished. I sat up and I shit you not the man was paralyzed. I sat there for a second and then started to freak out. When I asked him if he was okay his response was "You are so nice." To this day I have no idea what that meant.

A few year later he was staying the night at my apartment and we'd had sex and he;d fallen asleep (after bear hug/strangling/cuddling) well he had said that he couldn't gte it back up after the first shot and I decided to test this theory. BTW he's a sleep moaner, that's right he doesnt snore he moans and like full on porno-orgasm moan too! Any way so I reach down and start brushing against him trying to get a reaction. And sure as shit i did. I woke him up too, opps.... HE smiles and starts to go at it, hard, like not good hard, which is sooo unlike him, i chalked it up to being 1/2 asleep. Well a few minutes later he finishes and then just sits there. He's clearly not well. He darts off to the bathroom. Turns out the sudden violent movement upset his tummy. Frank had humped himself sick! that was the last time I woke ANYONE up like that!

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Jeez, hmmmm, well, I was with this one guy, for about 2 mos. I was head-over-heels in lust with him. He was gorgeous, sweet, kind, funny, witty, affectionate, tall, dark, and handsome. I spent the night over at his house, expecting magic. Instead, I got a guy that had a short, think penis, that felt like a pen, no oral or foreplay really, and, to top off the fantastic lack of skills, he squealed like a teenaged GIRL when he came!!! It was so sad, yet hilarious. I hugged him and tried not to laugh!! LMAO It didn't last long.....and neither did the relationship!!!! :P:lol:

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Jeez, hmmmm, well, I was with this one guy, for about 2 mos. I was head-over-heels in lust with him. He was gorgeous, sweet, kind, funny, witty, affectionate, tall, dark, and handsome. I spent the night over at his house, expecting magic. Instead, I got a guy that had a short, think penis, that felt like a pen, no oral or foreplay really, and, to top off the fantastic lack of skills, he squealed like a teenaged GIRL when he came!!! It was so sad, yet hilarious. I hugged him and tried not to laugh!! LMAO It didn't last long.....and neither did the relationship!!!! :P:lol:

This reminds me so much of Sex And The City where Samantha meets that great guy and falls head over heels in love and then when they finally do it, he's not worth dirtying up the sheets. Whether it's TV or real life I just want to cry for you ladies that go through that. Wait a minute? I was one of them.

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man i freakin envy you girls that have the quick finish guys! my ex would take HOURS just pounding away as hard as he could...i used to get really bruised down there and some days it would even turn black. and then he had trouble keeping it up so sometimes he'd stop in the middle and i would think that i was safe, but since he never came he'd be coming after me for sex again in like 10 minutes. it got to the point where i would start crying if i knew he didn't come because i knew it meant i we would have to start over again in 10 minutes. most the time during sex i would just look at the upper right corner of the room and pray for it to be over...lol.

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man i freakin envy you girls that have the quick finish guys! my ex would take HOURS just pounding away as hard as he could...i used to get really bruised down there and some days it would even turn black. and then he had trouble keeping it up so sometimes he'd stop in the middle and i would think that i was safe, but since he never came he'd be coming after me for sex again in like 10 minutes. it got to the point where i would start crying if i knew he didn't come because i knew it meant i we would have to start over again in 10 minutes. most the time during sex i would just look at the upper right corner of the room and pray for it to be over...lol.

Well I guess you had a long time of horrible sex. Good thing he's your ex. Try to find someone that will want to please you, and cherish you, and love you.

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...lol.

See.... to me it's not really funny, just sad :(

I truly hope you find someone some day who can show you what it's like to be loved.

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In general what ticks me off are the women who feel that they need to be kissed, petted, stroked, rubbed, played with and made love to

for as long as it takes to get them in the mood and get them off. But men, like dogs, only need to climb on and pump till it's over.

They don't seem to get it that men like to be made love to, also. Kissed all over, massaged, stroked and even fibbed to about

their manliness. I would love to lay back and be loved for an hour or more with nothing asked for in return.

That's my rant for the day.

I'll second that one, Boomer.

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My worst was just about any time with my first wife. I just wasn't that into her. I avoided it as much as possible, either going to bed later than she did or falling asleep on the sofa. I even avoided seeing her naked. The only good thing was that she liked anal. We would go out to dinner and she'd have a few drinks and when we got home she's on her knees wanting it in the ass. She'd get up the next day every time with a sore butt and tell me, "Don't ever do that again," and the next weekend she'd get hammered and be sticking her ass in the air again. We probably went for a six months and that was the only kind of sex we had. It was kind of weird and disturbing that she wanted sex so bad and I was just not into doing it with her. I feel sorry for her because for years I only initiated sex with her out of a sense of duty.

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man i freakin envy you girls that have the quick finish guys! my ex would take HOURS just pounding away as hard as he could...i used to get really bruised down there and some days it would even turn black. and then he had trouble keeping it up so sometimes he'd stop in the middle and i would think that i was safe, but since he never came he'd be coming after me for sex again in like 10 minutes. it got to the point where i would start crying if i knew he didn't come because i knew it meant i we would have to start over again in 10 minutes. most the time during sex i would just look at the upper right corner of the room and pray for it to be over...lol.

Hun, we get that we was Douche-bag Supreme, but we all want to see you meet some one who will love and cherisha nd make you happy emotionally and physically. I think the first step though is for you to let go of DBS and find out what really makes you happy!

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Guest eminatic

i went into seclusion for a few months and arrived at the answer that i just don't have another try in me.

it's because i can't have sex...and i don't just mean because of what happened. even before that i have NEVER been interested in sex...and no guy is going to get in a long term relationship without sex. i know everyone says "oh if he loves you he can wait etc" but its not a matter of waiting...its NEVER going to happen =/

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