Jump to content
Official Community Forums Home

Are You Willing To Give Marriage A Second Try?


ladylove

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Men More Than Women Willing to Give Marriage a Second Chance

Posted May 26, 2009 2:24 PM

Posted in boomers, dating, marriage, midlife, relationships, remarriage, second marriage

MIAMI BEACH -- Sean Penn, Nicholas Cage, Tom Cruise, Bruce Willis, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, Demi Moore, and Jennifer Garner have all taken a second trip down the aisle. While the current divorce rate is at its lowest since 1970, still one third of Americans who have ever married have divorced at least once. With wedding season starting at the end of the month, leading online dating websites Date.com (www.date.com), Matchmaker.com (www.matchmaker.com), and Amor.com (www.amor.com), polled its members to see who would be willing to give marriage a second chance after a divorce.

"We were shocked to see the overwhelming response by men willing to take another shot at marriage after a divorce, while women were less inclined to make the commitment twice," said Shira Zwebner, Relationship Advisor for Date.com, Matchmaker.com and Amor.com. "These results show just how much women's attitudes towards love and marriage have evolved over the years. Today, women are content being in a loving and committed relationship that doesn't involve a trip to City Hall, whereas men need the security of an official marriage to validate the relationship. And, with celebrity role model couples like Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, today's women are confident that their committed relationships no longer have to be State or Religiously sanctioned to be everlasting."

In a new nationwide survey of thousands of male and female online daters, ranging in ages from 18-55+, we asked: Harrison Ford finally proposed to Calista Flockhart after seven and a half years of dating! When it comes to second time around, is marriage these days necessary?

Following are the complete results:

Men

Yes 65.4%

No 23.1%

Only if adoption of children are involved 7.7%

Only if the couple is younger than 55 3.8%

Women

No 40.6%

Yes 28.1%

Only if the couple is younger than 55 18.8%

Only if adoption of children are involved 15.6%

I thought this was interesting. What are your thoughts?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

At this point in my life I would not adopt the child/children that were a product of two other people, and I'm not sure how I would feel about raising anothers child. I love children but, been there done that. My youngest is 17. However, I'm married and not in a position where I'd have to consider it.

However, If I found I was in a position to consider remarrying....... I'm not sure. I love the companionship, but with kids and equity form this marriage, I'm just not sure?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I feel that if I was in a position where I could become re-married and he had kids from a previous relationship. I would love his kids just as I love him. Sincerely, I feel I would have no problem. sure there would be a bit of juggling and stuff since I already have 3! But honestly I would. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

What an interesting question. I have been divorced twice, and I did accept my second husband's children. However, after the second divorce, I swore I wouldn't marry again...at least until my youngest was out of school. I wasn't looking for anyone. I had no interest in a long-term involvement.

And yet, I am now looking at marrying again. This man is the closest I've ever found to a soul mate. Neither of us were looking for love--it found us both and knocked us over the head. He is willing to take on my son and help me raise him. I love him very much and, although it scares me to death, I am excited to start a new chapter of my life with him.

So I don't think that this is a question that can be answered without knowing the answer may change. I am the perfect example of that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I learned along time ago to never say"never again".I have been married twice and of course divorced twice....lol...I was on another site.Not one where you might find the love of your life.One I thought was safe.One where your not supposed to find someone to fall head over heals in love with.More like a freinds with benefits,or a slightly kinkier evrsion.

Just goes to show you.You never know when that little guy with the quiver full of arrows is going to start shooting at you.Well he seems to have emptied the whole quiver in my back side....lol.

Needless to say I have found the most incredible,wonderfull,and beautifull woman.Sometime in the next year we will be married.Someone who it turns out is my soul mate(which is another myth that I never believed in before).I found my soul mate and she fulfills me and makes me very happy.I have come to love her very much.

She is on this site and she knows this is mainly directed at her.I love you Sweetheart!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
I feel that if I was in a position where I could become re-married and he had kids from a previous relationship. I would love his kids just as I love him. Sincerely, I feel I would have no problem. sure there would be a bit of juggling and stuff since I already have 3! But honestly I would. :)

It's not a question of loving the children, because I would readily except them into my heart. What I wouldn't want to do is go back to raising children again, or get into all the legal stuff of mine, his, ours. Besides, I'm really don't think it would matter in my situation I'm usually attracted to men my own age or a little older. They usually don't have young children..... although some do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
It's not a question of loving the children, because I would readily except them into my heart. What I wouldn't want to do is go back to raising children again, or get into all the legal stuff of mine, his, ours. Besides, I'm really don't think it would matter in my situation I'm usually attracted to men my own age or a little older. They usually don't have young children..... although some do.

I agree with ladylove....Although I can't imagine having to be in that situation, at this point in my life I have absolutely no desire to raise children again....done that, it was great, but now I want a few ME years. Starting over sounds like way too much work but if you're in love/lust that has a way of changing the way you look at things and you are more apt to give it a go. Never say never!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My answer changes with the weather. When I'm annoyed with or mad at my wife, the answer varries from "I don't think so," to "No F-ing way, are you nuts!"

When things are good, I'm more likely to think, "Maybe." Even then, I wouldn't necessarily go looking for trouble. Although I think I am happier married, marriage is not always a picnic.

In the end though, it would depend on the circumstances of becoming unmarried (death vs. divorce); if divorced, how bitter and resentful I was after it all; and on the particulars of any situation where I might be considering a second hitching. If I were widowed (widowered?), I would probably be pretty busy just raising kids and running the household that I don't think I would have time to chase a new woman.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I know you can get used to anything but I would hate to spend the rest of my life alone without a special person to share your life with. And as you get older it seems so sad to see the chronic "daters"....you know the ones that hop from one relationship/bed to another never seeming to find whatever it is they are looking for. But at this point I would never allow myself to fall into the trap of living without some type of relationship....no way would I want to be some celibate, sexually dead woman who only lives for her grown kids or grandchildren ....I would hope to find someone with staying power, whether you actually remarry or not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
But at this point I would never allow myself to fall into the trap of living without some type of relationship....I would hope to find someone with staying power, whether you actually remarry or not.

So your saying you would have a relationship with someone, live with them but don't necessarily feel the need to remarry? Because to tell you the truth, At I were in a single situation I don't think I would remarry. I don't see the need for it, or the confusion it would cause. I would however live with someone for happily ever after.......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
It's not a question of loving the children, because I would readily except them into my heart. What I wouldn't want to do is go back to raising children again, or get into all the legal stuff of mine, his, ours. Besides, I'm really don't think it would matter in my situation I'm usually attracted to men my own age or a little older. They usually don't have young children..... although some do.

Well I meant that since I would love them, I would adjust my life to accommodate them and their needs. Helping to raise them etc... It is a non issue to me. Maybe because my kids are still little I am in that mindset already. Plus I worked in Early Childhood for 18 years. I know I will not have any more children. Pregnancies for me are high risk and dangerous for both me and the baby. So being able to be a part of his child/ren's life (even though they are from another woman, still his) I would take as a gift..

Wow... am I the LAMEST! LOL

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
So your saying you would have a relationship with someone, live with them but don't necessarily feel the need to remarry? Because to tell you the truth, At I were in a single situation I don't think I would remarry. I don't see the need for it, or the confusion it would cause. I would however live with someone for happily ever after.......

Yes....I wouldn't be against re-marriage but as you said, at this age I don't see the need for it and I would never want there to be any worries or animosity from his family that I was after their "inheritance". Don't care about the "stuff", just want to be happy and enjoy each other!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Yes....I wouldn't be against re-marriage but as you said, at this age I don't see the need for it and I would never want there to be any worries or animosity from his family that I was after their "inheritance". Don't care about the "stuff", just want to be happy and enjoy each other!

I agree, division of an estate is difficult in any circumstance, but throw in a second wife and it could be war.... There is another part I've been a little leery to print; Now, I'm happily married, if I were to be widowed (have not intentions of a divorce) apart of me thinks I would feel disloyal. I know it's not logical, and it probably makes no sense, but I keep thinking along those lines.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
I agree, division of an estate is difficult in any circumstance, but throw in a second wife and it could be war.... There is another part I've been a little leery to print; Now, I'm happily married, if I were to be widowed (have not intentions of a divorce) apart of me thinks I would feel disloyal. I know it's not logical, and it probably makes no sense, but I keep thinking along those lines.

But in a case like that you should look at it like this....your husband loved you and would want you to be happy and not be alone (surely you would feel the same way). Finding someone new to love and share your life with in a case like that will never take away from what you shared with your husband....it would just be a new chapter. I would never expect someone I loved or cared about to give up living and revelling in all life has to offer as proof of their devotion to me once I was gone. Your husband would want you to be happy and fulfilled! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
I agree, division of an estate is difficult in any circumstance, but throw in a second wife and it could be war....

Dealing with the problem of dividing assets in the case of death is one good reason to get married. Another is that, due to HIPPA laws, a doctor or hospital isn't allowed to give out information about a patient except to a spouse or someone who has been legally designated to receive it. Marriage also provides a more clear-cut statement of who makes legal, medical, and end of life decisions if one of the couple is incapacitated. Division of assets accumulated by two people merely living together is a nightmare, especially if there is an ex-spouse and kids involved. Two people planning to share their lives for a second time around should be married and have a will and have an ante-nuptial agreement and a living will and a health care power of attorney. I know it's not very romantic, but all that paper can avoid a lot of frustration and bad feelings if the worst happens.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
There is another part I've been a little leery to print; Now, I'm happily married, if I were to be widowed (have not intentions of a divorce) apart of me thinks I would feel disloyal. I know it's not logical, and it probably makes no sense, but I keep thinking along those lines.

It makes sense to me. I understand. Even if you know they would want you to go on with your life, you might carry a feeling with you that it's not right to be happy with a new partner.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Right now in my life, I don't think I would get remarried, but I'm not completely opposed to it. I do miss the companionship of being married, but you can get that with just living happily ever after. I don't know....see how life continues, answers change...lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I've been with my girl for just short of 15 now. She has been married twice, me once. Her last(a real piece of shit), widowed her in seperation. Before he died there was talk of divorce until we/she got something new, then it was all about his half.

We have decided that, my mind was already there, we shall not marry until we actually like each other!!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Dealing with the problem of dividing assets in the case of death is one good reason to get married. Another is that, due to HIPPA laws, a doctor or hospital isn't allowed to give out information about a patient except to a spouse or someone who has been legally designated to receive it. Marriage also provides a more clear-cut statement of who makes legal, medical, and end of life decisions if one of the couple is incapacitated. Division of assets accumulated by two people merely living together is a nightmare, especially if there is an ex-spouse and kids involved. Two people planning to share their lives for a second time around should be married and have a will and have an ante-nuptial agreement and a living will and a health care power of attorney. I know it's not very romantic, but all that paper can avoid a lot of frustration and bad feelings if the worst happens.

I would think all the above, medical, estate ect. could be taken care of by a lawyer and easier than having a pre-nup. It's just a guess, I've never looked into it. I also believe a pre-nup, although imperative is not water tight.

It makes sense to me. I understand. Even if you know they would want you to go on with your life, you might carry a feeling with you that it's not right to be happy with a new partner.

Yes, that's it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 years later...
  • Members

I wondered if there any updates to people's answers, or any new answers from newer people on the board.

For myself, the answer has sort of gelled (jelled?) to "No, I really don't think so."

For a few reasons. 1) I'm older, grouchier, more set in my ways and less patient than ever. 2) I've watched a few friends go through divorce and get totally taken to the cleaners by their wicked witch ex-wives. 3) Not that I'm looking or that they are even available, so this is more of a "what-if" game, but of the women I encounter in life, none of them seem like anyone I'd want to be married to. They may be fine, swell people, but there is usually something about them, and it usually shows up pretty quick, that makes me think, "no, me-and-her would never work." So I think finding someone that would make the ol' heart go "pitter-patter" would not at all be easy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

To me I have done the marriage thing once and was married for a little over 14 years. I have come to a point in my life where I don't need to remarry. I don't need the piece of paper to define if I love someone or not and do as I please to be happy in my life. The relationship I have in my life works for me and well maybe is not what would work for others or what they agree with that is up to them. I am content and enjoy the way my life flows.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Members

No, I don't believe I'll take that trip again down the aisle...

I guess due to a messy, nasty divorce, it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth...

I love the companionship of a woman, I just don't know if a piece a paper proves anything...

As for adopting another child, no I wouldn't think of it... I could and probably would love her children, should she have children, but adoption, No...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

No more marrying for me. I am quite content having a solid friendship with someone who likewise has no interest in marriage. We see each other 3-4 times a week, which is about right for both of us. We are content.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

I don't think of getting married again. I haven't even gone on a date yet. I've been single for almost a year and a half now. Most men I've met are bitter, selfish, and just want sex. I'm not down for that right now. Though I have a friend that is looking for a FWB situation, which I will do, since I'm not looking for anything serious.

I just found out some ridiculous news about my ex. He's been with this girl (same first name as mine), for about 4 months, and now they're pregnant!! Nice to have a baby with a rebound! LOL I'm upset more for my daughter, who has been dealing with all of this very well, but has only met this woman only recently, and is a bit jealous. She's also been very adament about not wanting any more siblings. So, we'll see how this all goes. I'm not seeing this go over well at all, and my daughter being hurt. I was one of the first people he told. How messed up is that? LOL But I am not going to band-aide this up for him with his daughter. I'm done trying to help him with HIS relationship with his daughter. He gave me a lame excuse of her being on strong antibiotics and it probably effecting her birth control pill. Personally, I think she may have done this on purpose because she doesn't have anything, is 34, and believes all of his "pity me" bullshit. So, she didn't care. You must be a special kind of stupid, being almost 35, having been on birth control for a long time, and not knowing you're birth control pill can be weakened by certain meds. Plus, if he didn't want kids right now (I knew he'd have another one with someone else....he's always wanted a boy), he should've wrapped it!

So, I'm trying really hard not to be anti-man, but it's very hard not to be with all of the users, idiots, and foolishness I've encountered. I know there are good men out there, but there are so many more that are so bitter, they're all about playing a game, using, or trying to make themselves feel better about themselves, that I haven't found any worthy of my time in a relationship. I'm in no hurry. Since I have a child, I have to be more careful, descreet, and selective.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 5 months later...

Well, I was perusing the site once again, and I thought I'd update my feelings on this matter a few months later.

Do I think I'll give marriage another try? I'm really not sure. I don't think so at this time, but never say never. I'm not dating anyone seriously, though I had one that I was really interested in, but he was unsure, so that ended.

I've had a few stand me up, I've had a few that I've gone out with. I'm still enjoying my freedom, though I do miss the companionship. I'm not really sure what the future will hold. I'm not in any rush.

But I think that this is a great topic.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use & Privacy Policy