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vanilla_bean

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Posts posted by vanilla_bean

  7. Random Thoughts

    in Everything Else

    Posted

    Doug and the Slugs! A Vancouver band. They were so awesome. Doug Bennet was hilarious and would berate people in the crowd. It was so much fun. I'll see what their best known songs were. I know Norm McDonald used one for the theme song on his sitcom.

    The theme song to The Norm Show is called "Too Bad". Great tune.

    Some others that got play were "Makin' it work" "Chinatown Calculation" Tomcat Prowl"

    Keep in mind, I'm OLD!

    Sadly Doug died a few years ago. I heard one of his songs on the radio today and remembered how much fun we had at his shows. He told one of my friends that she had lost her voice from too much protien to the throat. You had to be there.

  8. Random Thoughts

    in Everything Else

    Posted

    who?? and yes we sound like owls now :D

    Doug and the Slugs! A Vancouver band. They were so awesome. Doug Bennet was hilarious and would berate people in the crowd. It was so much fun. I'll see what their best known songs were. I know Norm McDonald used one for the theme song on his sitcom.

  10. Positions For The Un-barbie

    in Sex Positions & Techniques

    Posted

    Really, really, really: when we love you we see only beauty, when we are inside of you, we know only bliss. Really.

    Women in general, I believe, cannot grasp how deeply we men feel intimacy in the sex act.

    Besides, when you are the only naked woman in the room, I promise you are looking mighty fine to him.

    Really? REALLY!!?? I am the only naked woman in the room, so that is very encouraging.

    Smile, I hope you can get to the point where you're not thinking about what your least favorite parts look like while you're with your husbamd. I know it's hard and we all have our days, but the best times are when body image isn't even on your radar.

  13. Franny And Belle

    in Sexy Stories

    Posted

    Hey Bean. How ya doing. Sooo glad you liked it.

    I'm exhausted. I'm on sabbatical. Perhaps you might want to try your hand at thrilling us all.

    Oh no! Has the gauntlet been thrown?! Too bad I'm Slacker McLazypants. Maybe you could write something to keep the masses happy in the meantime.

  24. Sex Vs Tenderness

    in Marriage and Committed Relationships

    Posted

    Vanilla, I am intensely interested in the point (or points) that caused you to reach such enlightenment.

    I will try to respond to this. It's kind of weird for me to go back to that place and I had to think about how I even got there. Bear with me for some background.

    With the perspective of time, I can see that a lot of little things built up. My self-esteem had taken some hits and I bought into believeing that sex is for the young and beautiful. I was also really invested in being my version of "supermom". This didn't leave a lot of room for feeling very much like a sexual being. My lack of enthusiasm brought about frustration and even anger in my husband. The more angry he got, the more distance I wanted between us. Sex became a kind of power struggle.

    A major turning point was when he expressed to me that this was causing him actual pain. He really put his heart on the table and I really listened. Causing him pain was not acceptable to me. I loved him but all this "stuff" had gotten in the way.

    One of the first things that I had to do was accept that I was desirable in a sexual way. Maybe it's hard to understand for some people, but that was hard for me to do. I thought it was a ridiculous idea, but I had to let myself be seen that way. I still struggle with this from time to time. (Will I look silly in this lingerie? Do white thigh highs make my legs look chunky?)

    I also had to stop being so uptight about what sex was and what sex was for. I came to think of sex as being FUN! That was something I had forgotten years ago. Now I am able to laugh in the bedroom. We almost always say after sex, "That was fun!" Toys, fantasies, even some porn are now welcome and enjoyed.

    Hormones may have played a role too. That isn't easy to measure, but like a lot of women here, my sex drive suddenly went through the roof. Others have said, and I agree, it was like a switch going off or a flood gate opening.

    OK, this was a lot of chatter. To summarize, I guess I had to realize the toll that my attitude was taking and see that it wasn't right. Then I had to start the scary process of seeing myself sexual again. It seemed like such a risk at the time, but I hate to think of where I would be now if this change hadn't happened.

    If there is any question that I can answer, I will try.

  25. Sex Vs Tenderness

    in Marriage and Committed Relationships

    Posted

    Sunday, I remember kind of feeling like your wife does. It used to be that the only time my husband would get affectionate was when he wanted sex and, as a result, I would get tense whenever he touched me at all. I was resentful that a whole day would go by with no affection and then, when I was ready to crash from exhaustion, he would come on to me. (This doesn't exactly sound like your situation, but I'll just blabber on in just I say something that gives you some insight). We talked about it and he said, well, I didn't start off wanting sex, but once I started touching you.....

    We are in such a different place now. Anytime he touches me now I think, "Oh good. I hope this leads to sex!" A lot of things happened to change my situation. I had to rework my whole attitude toward sex and it's place in my marriage. It used to be sort of a giving in or giving it up activity. Now it's a fun and intimate activity that I share with my husband and I completely participate in it with him. My marriage and, honestly, my whole life is better as a result.

    Hope I've said something to help. Good luck!

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