blueninja

I realize this post is a few years late, but for anyone else who has this problem but doesn't want to ask, here you go. Also, I realize that it is kinda long, but I figured it would be better to explain everything, since some things might apply to your situation, while others don't. When my ex-boyfriend/present best friend and I started having sex, he had the same problem. He told me that he also had issues in previous relationships, even when there wasn't any sex, with just staying hard for a long time (and I've seen these girls, they are all pretty). I thought he had ED from stress or something, but he had no problems doing it himself. After scrounging the internet and a few months of trying things (I was determined, partially from sexual frustration and partially because he's been my best friend forever), we finally managed to make some progress. Most of the stuff I found online said that this kind of thing happens when the guy is too used to doing it a certain way by himself (which includes his own speed, where he does it, when, what he is thinking about/what kind of porn he's looking at), and when he is psychologically stressed out from something external, like a project or sleep exhaustion, or internal, like worrying about this problem or if he is having a moral crisis with the whole "pre-marital sex" or "I am terrified of getting you pregnant" thing in general. Turns out he had almost all of these issues (yay)...and here is how we fixed it: He has been pleasuring himself basically every night, before bed, for a few years. Sadly, my arm-strength pales in comparison to his, which keeps me from going fast enough if I'm doing it for him. I also can't grip tight enough. He was so used to a certain rhythm that my slower, less-firm version (even though I thought my arm would fall off) just wasn't quite doin' it, and even after more than a year I still can't. Therefore, when we actually had sex, there was absolutely no way either of us would be able to move our bodies fast enough. We would try, but after a few hours we'd both pass out from exhaustion. He was also used to doing this while looking at women with unnaturally large breasts being kinky, while my B's and lack of sexual prowess are "cute"... We discussed and he decided to stop his "routine," or at least tone it down/only do it when I can help, and to stop looking at porn and think about me being sexy instead. He ended up really sexually frustrated and I wasn't allowed to visit him in public because he would get turned on. Mind you, he slept over every weekend and though we didn't have sex, he did orgasm once or twice a week. However, that's still a lot less than five or six times, and he ended up a lot more responsive to my touch. When we finally did have sex again, I told him that I wanted to be in charge, which made him happy. First I got him really turned on by teasing him for an eternity. Then I made him sit in a low-ish chair without armrests that was braced against a couch. The chair is key because I was able to put my feet firmly on the ground, making it easier to go faster than on my knees on a bed. The couch helped because I had something to hold onto without the fear of having the chair fall over, and he had a place to rest his head comfortably. I started at a slow pace and got gradually faster, basically mimicking how he does it himself. I also tried to keep my PC muscles tight the whole time (good core workout). I saved the really hard/intense thrusts for when he was closest to orgasming, and it only took five of those to finally do it. It took forever and I thought I was going to pass out like you do after a painfully long sprint. It probably seems strange that it happened with me on top. However, since I was in control, he could focus just on how good things felt, and not worry about trying to please me or anything. Also, I did not tell him that I was determined to get him to orgasm on that particular day, so he just happily thought I was being playful and wasn't stressing himself out over "the goal." Teasing him for forever helped, too, since he was completely out of it by the time he sat in the chair and therefore only thinking about what was happening at that *very* moment and, again, not worrying about anything else. He just put his head back on the couch and enjoyed it. Knowing that it was, in fact, physically possible for him to orgasm without doing it himself helped immensely. It still took a while for it to happen regularly, let alone in a condom. The first time it happened when he was on top was after not seeing me for three months and after living on a friend's couch for two weeks with two other guys crashing on the living room floor (not a lot of privacy to do it himself). These days, he is back to his old routine, sometimes looks at porn, etc., but he can orgasm during sex like normal. There are some days when it doesn't happen, but that is usually due to work-related stress. There are up sides, though, if you are willing to put in the effort! He can basically keep going until I'm completely done, and he's very proud of himself for introducing me to multiple orgasms, so while it may take some effort, I think you have a very good sex life to look forward to.