that1guy

Damn man, you nailed that right on. Everything you said made perfect sense and related to whats going on. The night it happened I told her I was really sorry and I sat down and really thought about what was said and I told her I loved her and that I didn't care what she did or didn't do I still loved her. She accepted it well and I think I'm just going to lay low for a while...Thanks for your advice, seriously. These replies really helped me understand how I need to go about this. I definetly found out breaking up with her because of it is not the direction to go. It really seems it can be worked out over time. Thank you all, and I continue to welcome any more suggestions to my situation.

Thanks for your replies...it helped helped alot. Keep them coming if anyone else has any ideas.

Ok, I've finally brought myself on to asking for some help on this. I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a couple months. I'm 18, she's 20. Our whole relationship we've lived together. First at my parents house, and as of April/June we have our own apartment. When we first started dating the relationship was unbreakable...as most are in the beginning. Before this girl I gave me virginity to another girl I was dating at the time, that ended up cheating on me twice. I slept with that girl once. When that relationship was broken off for good, I met my current girlfriend. We were both into the "car scene" if you would call it, and thats what really got me attracted...she could work on cars with me and not be a ditz about it. She's vietnamese, so that was a plus also. When we first started going out, the sex was great...when we could keep it from my parents. We spent a few days in a hotel in Texas to visit her mom...and thats when I really learned the most...when we could let it out and do whatever we wanted without trying to wake up my parents. Even after that it was non-stop. Granted, it felt odd I was initiating the actual sex part alot, but there were still a few times she took over. After about 6 months, our sex craze died down a little and we stopped having sex so often...but we didn't lose any intensity...the longer we waited the better it was. Soon after that it was 1 or 2 weeks before we would have sex...but the relationship felt normal. I kinda blamed it on the fact that we still lived with my parents, so we couldn't do what we wanted...but then we started sleeping in seperate beds, but still cuddling for movies and such or what not. That was mostly the fact that my dad pretty much found out what we were doing and to respect his house I chose to sleep in a seperate bed...but there were still random nights we would sleep together...and sitll not have sex. When we moved into our apartment, I couldn't wait. Finally I thought we could have another Texas experience all over again whenever we wanted, but it wasnt like that. During all this time she started gaining weight...not alot...but noticable. I didn't mind it and I wasn't about to bring it up. After living in the apartment and still not having sex for almost a month, I finally ended up begging her to let me have a quickie just to get some relief. During sex I made her orgasm a couple times, and asked her if she missed it, she said yes. A couple weeks went by and we got into a discussion about it. And she told me she didn't like having sex anymore. Wouldn't give me a reason, tell me that I sucked or anything. I don't know if she was trying to not hurt me when I'm really not doing too well in bed or what...but I knew those hotel days were no fake. I kinda blew it off and every now and then we would have sex, but it was like I was really in the mood and I had to try really hard to get her in it, but once we were there, she would do her normal routine and take over half way through and do what felt good to her, then let me finish. So its not like when we had sex she just laid there and let me do whatever I wanted. If she didn't enjoy it once we were having sex, she wouldn't have taken over like that...or at least I don't think. Now its been 2 1/2-3 months, or longer since we've had sex. I can't believe it. I mean we've been pretty busy with getting our own lives started, and me being on my own for the first time...but I think its taking a toll on our relationship..hard. We fight alot, but I figured its going to happen when you're around each other that much for over a year. But the arguments get more serious and more serious...but we get over them much faster... or at least she does. I really don't what to do. There's 100 reasons why I don't want to break up with her, and none of those include feelings. Those reason include facts like where I'm going to live, where she's going to live, if I'm going to have the same friends that I've met through her brother, ect... We had another discussion on it tonight...after I tried giving her a back massage. I undid her bra to rub her back and the first thing she said was "we're not having sex". We got into a pretty deep conversation on why she can't just say "I don't like having sex anymore"...there has to be a reason, wether she just doesn't enjoy it, she's afraid of somthing, or what...but she keeps repeating "I don't like having sex, and I don't have a reason." It really sucks...because I care about her, but its like when I think back when we first started dating it was so great...and now she doesn't even acknowledge we even did anything together sexually. I respect she doesn't want to have sex, but not for the simple fact that "she doesn't want to anymore" give me a reason and I'll believe it, even if its a lie. She told me that I should respect that she doesn't want to have sex and love her anyway. I told her I still loved her no matter what she did or didn't do, but that I thought it was a part of our relationship and I want it back. That must have topped it off for her, because she said "I'm done arguing about this and I'm not having sex ever again". I really need some other opinions on what I should do after hearing all this tonight. I would move on, if I knew there was a way of breaking up on a good note, and some way that I have the security of being able to hack it on my own without depending on anyone at all. I'm bringing in 200 a week, and that barely pays for gas, groceries, and my half of the rent. She brings in the most money and pays most of the bills, and her half of the rent. She could afford to live by herself, but everything in the apartment except the couch and chairs are mine... However, I don't want to move on if someone thinks this can be worked out. I mean it's not like sex is needed in a relationship, but its just somthing that I found that was a big part of ours, and its not there anymore. I've dealt with the withdraws since the last time we had sex, so I'm sure I could go longer, its really just a relationship question revolving around the sex issue. I seriously would mail anyone a cookie who actually read all that and understood it enough to get me some help. Thanks.