Ok so its really hard for me to orgasm. IDK why but its always been VERY hard to actually get me off. I've never been able to succeed masturbating, i have come close but with dildo's my arm gets too tired before i can get there and just clit stimulation feels nice but doesn't give me a release. 9 times out of 10 when we have sex he gets off too quick to get me there, and i dont really enjoy getting eaten out so that doesnt work either. He can get me off and even make me squirt by fingering me but its a lot of work and most the time hes too tired for all that. When he does get me off from sex its because hes actually pounding it which is typically what gets me there. Because of all of this i have been buying toys off amazon. ( Typically cheap ones from china that cost anywhere from a couple dollars to MAYBE around 25 but most have been $10 or cheaper.) Trying to find a toy that i can actually get myself off with. He works an hour and a half away and hes been working 10 hour days 7 days a week. So hes very tired, which i completely understand and i appreciate him and what he does to support our family. (we have 3 kids) I feel like the Love Thrust-Her Thrusting Silicone Vibrator might actually help since it does the thrusting my arm wouldnt get too tired and go numb before i could get there. BUT he says $200 is way too much to spend on a maybe. And i understand it is ALOT of money, but im cleaning, and cooking, and doing laundry, and running around after toddlers all day!!! At night i put the kids to bed and we hang out a bit then i put him to bed. Almost every night i give him head, a hand job, or jump on and ride him to get him a nut because i know it helps him sleep. And of course he always falls fast asleep, even on the nights he doesnt get one. While im stuck sitting in the living room, or laying in bed, unable to sleep and most the time horny. I want to be able to get that release when i need/want it and not feel guilty about it. Ive secretly thought about getting $20-40 cash back when i go grocery shopping and save up for it then get it with a visa prepaid or something, and tell him it was a gift from the ONE friend i have. (Yes im a stay at home mom with 0 family any where close, 1 friend who doesn't get much time to come over, and hes gone/asleep more than hes around so i get VERY VERY VERY little adult interactions!!!) So all of that to say, is it actually worth the $200? Is it worth the lying? Am i just being selfish and try to figure out some other way to get there?? SORRY ITS SO LONG, DONT HAVE ADULT CONVERSATIONS HARDLY EVER!!!!!!