cavalier_gent

This may not work in EVERY case, but it certainly should work with your friend, Kristine: Just ask him. Your friend and her metrosexual buddy seem to have a great relationship, the kind that can withstand just about everything. I mean, who else but a real friend will give up a Saturday to be a wedding date?! (Hmmm...I did that once. I even flew to Calgary to do it. But, as my date said, I did get to "bag a Canuck") Since they are so buddy-buddy, if she just asks in an offhanded way, it won't be offensive. Something like, "[insert name], you dress well, you look good, hell...you probably exfoliate! You're way too god for the average guy. Tell me...are you batting for the other side?!" That, accompanied by a mischievous smirk (enigmatic, like the Mona Lisa) will probably be disarming enough for him to feel comfortable lowering his guard if he is gay and come clean. If he isn't, then the way it was done can be blown off as a joke, and all is good. Whatever she decides to do, I wish her luck. Kerwyn

Ahmmm....out of curiosity, Kristine, did you want to do more than quote my reply? Kerwyn

Kristine, I'm sorry that Dude didn't work out to be the textbook guy. The key here, I think, is to not look at what could have been. Instead, take stock of what DID happen. There are always two sides to everything, and perhapd Dude shares some fault for the way things turned out. Certainly, he could have called to let you know he was running late (assuming you both have mobile phones and live in areas with decent reception). However, I think the real problem started before you even walked through the door of the bar. Going somewhere to meet someone alone can be nerve-racking. Going to a bar filled with grizzled, grimy, and possibly gross men makes it even worse. The problem is that apaarently much of your nervousness didn't come from being on a date, but from the perception that a woman going into a bar alone is "desperate," that "there is something wrong with her." That's the self-image you need to check, girl. You damn well CAN go in a bar, anywhere, anytime. It doesn't mean you are desperate. It means you want a place to relax and unwind and have a drink. The problem is that a double-standard exists. Adding to the problem is that women buy into that double-standard and perpetuate it. You are a classic example of that, Kristine. The sooner you and other women drop that negative self-view, the sooner things will start getting better. Why? Because men will quickly realize that approaching women with that mindset gets them shut down faster than the proverbial Oriental fast food place serving stray dogs as the daily special! Self-worth goes a long way. As for the guys in the bar thinking you are a hooker, that's more a result of their low self-esteem than anything having to do with you. When I see a well-dressed, good looking woman, I think, "Wow...nice. Let me talk to her." I don't think, "Hooker! Easy score!" The fact is, I don't want a hooker. I DO want a good-looking, well-dressed woman that has something to offer. For those men to assume you are a hooker means that they aspire to little more. I would bet that Giselle Bundchen could walk in and they would assume SHE was a hooker. They NEED her to be one. That way they can imagine themselves having a shot at her. Otherwise, what chance do they have? This lack of self-image on THEIR part is why they assume YOU are a hooker. So don't let their estimation of you make you feel any less sure of yourself, Kristine. One last thought. You asked what should you do if Dude calls again. First, you need to ask do you even WANT a guy to call that left you stranded for three hours at a bar with no communication?! If you can get past that (there had better be some REALLY extenuating circumstances!), then my advice is just be yourself and get back to having fun. If he calls, it obviously means he got past the little scene at the bar entrance. So, let the past stay there. Good luck to you, girl! Kerwyn