Something New
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I cannot repeat this often enough: Love making is not about you; its about pleasuring your lover.
Both partners have to have equal concern with their lover's pleasure, listen to direction, ask for instruction, practice, laugh when they fail, do it again when they do it right! 
, and communicate, comunicate with their partner to learn how to pleasure each other. 
If your husband is not pleasuring you, you have to tell him. Talk to him away from bed, or wherever else you make love. He needs to know what you like, want, fantasize about trying, and vice versa. 
Most couples don't do this well; I would venture to say most couples never do this at all- TALK ABOUT SEX! Both are afraid of what they don't know, ashamed that they don't know much, or anything, and mostly are afraid of being laughed at. That is why this website was created- to allow timid people to come on a neutral location to ask hard questions, and to learn answers. But, Sex is a participatory sport that requires more than a mouse! At some point you have to turn off the computer, and get down to business with a real person for a sex parther. 
I also believe all women should own at least two toys, just in case one of them breaks down! I am talking vibrators, both the massagers, and penetrators, dildoes, butt plugs, whatever. Women need these to teach themselves what pleasures them. Not everything can be learned with your hand and fingers. And, with the quality of toys now available, there is no reason for any woman not to pleasure herself any time she wants. Women need to introduce their men to that fact of life. Men should never be jealous of or fear toys. They suppliment an active love life, and do not replace the man. If a woman can have orgasms anytime she wants one with her vibrator or other toys, she will be thinking sexy thoughts, and will be fired up for sex with her honey when he is available. That, of course, assumes that there is a healthy respect and love between the two. Toys should be used to expand your sex life with your partner, too. Just read some of Mikayla's toy reviews, or some of her answers to questions from readers to see how much toys have expanded the variety of the sex life she shares with her husband. That is a couple who never worries about being " bored ", with sex.
Great sex begins with a proper mind set. Then it takes work. But it always has to be fun, and if you aren't laughing when you are not kissing, or climaxing, something you are doing is wrong. A laughing orgasm is one of the most intense, and stress relieving thing you can experience, male or female. . But make sex fun before all else. If you will read the recently posted introduction to the new post on B&D that Mikayla has written, she stresses that even in SMBD the parties should be having fun.
Guys need to go to work to become better lovers. That means you have to get instruction- by reading books, or watching videos/dvds, and by talking and listening to your wife or lover. If you are hitting a brick wall, talk to us. We can help you understand what you are not doing right, and help you understand how to correct the technique so that you have success. But, without a commitment to improve your love making techniques, you can and will go nowhere. Women also need to learn how to control their men's excitement, and prevent orgasms, through a variety of techniques we have discussed here before.
To convince my second wife of the proper mindset for her to be in, the first day we were lovers, during a break, I sat next to her on the bed after we got out of the shower, and took her hand and put it on my cock and balls. I looked her in the eyes, and told her, " These are your toys to play with anytime you want them.". She kissed me, and told me how much that meant to her, and then she took my hand, put it on her pussy, and then pushed my middle finger into her vagina, and held me there. She told me, " This is your toy. Play with it any time, anywhere, as often as you want. " We communicated very well thereafter about our sex life, and taught each other how to pleasure the other. As our experiences grew, we tried new things, and talked to each other about new fantasies, different positions, new locations to make love. One night I was driving her home and the subject came up that she had never made love in the back seat of a car! I found a secluded spot within a mile, and pulled over, turned off the engine, and told her to climb into the back of the car. She began laughing at the suddenness and outrageousness of the idea, considering we were formally dressed, and the car was a little on the small size for the two of us to do much of anything in the back seat. But I persisted, we had " jungle sex ", and the next morning she could no longer tell anyone that she had never had sex in the back seat of a car. Damn near killed me doing it, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Have fun.
I cannot repeat this often enough: Love making is not about you; its about pleasuring your lover.
Both partners have to have equal concern with their lover's pleasure, listen to direction, ask for instruction, practice, laugh when they fail, do it again when they do it right! , and communicate, comunicate with their partner to learn how to pleasure each other. If your husband is not pleasuring you, you have to tell him. Talk to him away from bed, or wherever else you make love. He needs to know what you like, want, fantasize about trying, and vice versa. Most couples don't do this well; I would venture to say most couples never do this at all- TALK ABOUT SEX! Both are afraid of what they don't know, ashamed that they don't know much, or anything, and mostly are afraid of being laughed at. That is why this website was created- to allow timid people to come on a neutral location to ask hard questions, and to learn answers. But, Sex is a participatory sport that requires more than a mouse! At some point you have to turn off the computer, and get down to business with a real person for a sex parther. I also believe all women should own at least two toys, just in case one of them breaks down! I am talking vibrators, both the massagers, and penetrators, dildoes, butt plugs, whatever. Women need these to teach themselves what pleasures them. Not everything can be learned with your hand and fingers. And, with the quality of toys now available, there is no reason for any woman not to pleasure herself any time she wants. Women need to introduce their men to that fact of life. Men should never be jealous of or fear toys. They suppliment an active love life, and do not replace the man. If a woman can have orgasms anytime she wants one with her vibrator or other toys, she will be thinking sexy thoughts, and will be fired up for sex with her honey when he is available. That, of course, assumes that there is a healthy respect and love between the two. Toys should be used to expand your sex life with your partner, too. Just read some of Mikayla's toy reviews, or some of her answers to questions from readers to see how much toys have expanded the variety of the sex life she shares with her husband. That is a couple who never worries about being " bored ", with sex.
Great sex begins with a proper mind set. Then it takes work. But it always has to be fun, and if you aren't laughing when you are not kissing, or climaxing, something you are doing is wrong. A laughing orgasm is one of the most intense, and stress relieving thing you can experience, male or female. . But make sex fun before all else. If you will read the recently posted introduction to the new post on B&D that Mikayla has written, she stresses that even in SMBD the parties should be having fun.
Guys need to go to work to become better lovers. That means you have to get instruction- by reading books, or watching videos/dvds, and by talking and listening to your wife or lover. If you are hitting a brick wall, talk to us. We can help you understand what you are not doing right, and help you understand how to correct the technique so that you have success. But, without a commitment to improve your love making techniques, you can and will go nowhere. Women also need to learn how to control their men's excitement, and prevent orgasms, through a variety of techniques we have discussed here before.
To convince my second wife of the proper mindset for her to be in, the first day we were lovers, during a break, I sat next to her on the bed after we got out of the shower, and took her hand and put it on my cock and balls. I looked her in the eyes, and told her, " These are your toys to play with anytime you want them.". She kissed me, and told me how much that meant to her, and then she took my hand, put it on her pussy, and then pushed my middle finger into her vagina, and held me there. She told me, " This is your toy. Play with it any time, anywhere, as often as you want. " We communicated very well thereafter about our sex life, and taught each other how to pleasure the other. As our experiences grew, we tried new things, and talked to each other about new fantasies, different positions, new locations to make love. One night I was driving her home and the subject came up that she had never made love in the back seat of a car! I found a secluded spot within a mile, and pulled over, turned off the engine, and told her to climb into the back of the car. She began laughing at the suddenness and outrageousness of the idea, considering we were formally dressed, and the car was a little on the small size for the two of us to do much of anything in the back seat. But I persisted, we had " jungle sex ", and the next morning she could no longer tell anyone that she had never had sex in the back seat of a car. Damn near killed me doing it, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Have fun.
THanks Howard
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Dingbat,
I have never "got pissy" with hubby in the bedroom, I just clam up. Then when we have had a few drinks and our guard is down a bit, I try to talk about it. I still after reading all the posts, don't get why it is the womans job to make this thing work? So what if we get pissy? So what if we appear the biggest bitch out here? Is it any different when the personna of men is "if I don't get it from you, I'll get it someplace?" How many times you see on talk shows or hear of your friends who have been married for years, that the man cheats and his explanation is "I have needs and she wasn't meeting them". So then the WOMAN gets the talk about why she didn't please him in bed.... on the reverse, when the woman goes outside of the relationship trying to have her needs met, she is a scumbag, trailor trash whore?
We as women have needs as well. Just as the mens testes and penis WILL NOT fall off without sex, our clits will stay in tact too, however, We have the very same needs!
I have a question for Howard, or any other man who will answer honestly. Why is it that my hubby thinks he is f-n superman when he makes me cum 6 times in one night by oral stimulation, but he can't understand that I might get turned on by multiples from him? He is also a 2 second man, as far as cumming. He has to stop after every 3 or 4 pumps to make our "activity" last 30 minutes to an hour. But if it were straight pumping, he would go in seconds. Also answer me this. This site and many others as well as therapists are out here for people to get help and answers and MUCHO knowledge. I get sick of trying to find help for our relationship when it is out there for him to read too. By God he doesn't miss buying his Sunday paper, so it certainly isn't about reading! Going back to the question, men or he does, feel macho and feels like I am sexually turned onto him big time by being able to cum more than once, why can't the men understand we feel the same? It is almost like you feel like you really do still have whatever you had in the beginning. Now I feel like I could cut a hole in a melon, blind fold him, and getting off would be the same. I don't know....
ANY MORE THOUGHTS?
HM2
I definately understand your pain...I have the same issue, except I don't even get to orgasm. My husband goes long enough for him to cum, after that its all over! So I am left with nothing, but a lot of frusteration...I am contemplating getting a toy to help myself
Both partners have to have equal concern with their lover's pleasure, listen to direction, ask for instruction, practice, laugh when they fail, do it again when they do it right! 
, and communicate, comunicate with their partner to learn how to pleasure each other. 
If your husband is not pleasuring you, you have to tell him. Talk to him away from bed, or wherever else you make love. He needs to know what you like, want, fantasize about trying, and vice versa. 
Most couples don't do this well; I would venture to say most couples never do this at all- TALK ABOUT SEX! Both are afraid of what they don't know, ashamed that they don't know much, or anything, and mostly are afraid of being laughed at. That is why this website was created- to allow timid people to come on a neutral location to ask hard questions, and to learn answers. But, Sex is a participatory sport that requires more than a mouse! At some point you have to turn off the computer, and get down to business with a real person for a sex parther. 
My Sex Life Is Not Working
in Beginners, post your questions here
Posted
I can definately relate, my husband is NOT a sexual person either. He says that I am like the man in a relationship, because I am constantly hounding him for sex. The sad part is it isn't that great, so I really don't know why I even beg for it. I guess I think that SOMETHING is better than nothing...but sometimes I am not so sure. I am so frusterated because I don't know what to do, since he is constantly rejecting me. But when he is in the mood, he basically just jumps on top of me, bangs away until he cums then its all over, before I can even get into it. Once its over its OVER, no coming back to see if I am satisfied. When I bring up the issue he gets upset and says thats why he doesn't want to do it, because he cant please me, but he doesn't even try. When I want to tell him in conversation he gets defensive and says I just want everything perfect all the time, but really I just want foreplay, at least a little damn...Sorry got off on a tangent, but really my sex drive is high, and I really don't understand how I got married to someone so opposite (that is a whole different story) By the way, I just had a baby 8months ago, and my sex drive is probably higher now than it was before I got pregnant.,,,yet another story...Any advice out there for me???