Tyger
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Posts posted by Tyger
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Mikala made a good point. What you're doing is good too. But, if there are ANY doubts, just come out and tell him something direct, like "I am so glad I have you as such a good friend, I would hate for anything to come between us." Or, even better (maybe) "You do realize that we're just friends, right? I love you as a friend, and hope that'e enough for you." Blunt, but to the point.
My Freaky Friend with Benifits was off and on about it all. He acted as though he wanted to go date, but if I looked at another guy, or had one that was definitely interested in me, he acted all wierd. When I did finally start truly "dating" he insisted on MEETING my dates!! We were roommates (with another girl he wound up with and they have a child now), so he made it sound like he was doing us a "favor" by being protective!!
Later on, when I finally moved out, I kept telling him that HE was the one that didn't want anyone to know we were sleeping together, and HE was the one that kept insisting there was no romantic attatchments, and that all of that was FINE by me, since I was divorcing at the time. HE was the wishy-washy "I want my cake and eat it too" guy!
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!
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I use to be very loud!!
But now, with a very small house and a daughter whom is a light sleeper, I am much more quiet, but definitely not silent!! And I verbalize.
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All I can say is WOW....
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Oral sex, for both partners, requires much feed back, and I do mean verbal. Moans are nice, twitches are better, and clamping one's head while thanking the good Lord is best, but verbal gets you there.
I laughed a lot when I read this, not only cuz it was funny, but because it is true!!
The other thing I have to agree on, and relate too, is having Daddy help with the kids and some minor housework to help Mommy relax, so later on she can be WIFE (they're different roles, hence the different terms). You can't really go from picking up toys, cleaning diapers, scrubbing peas off the floor, to instant sex kitten.
Ever since having my daughter, I too, haven't really wanted a lot of sex, much to the grumblings of hubby. Self-esteem issues, lack of help around the house, no quality alone time, and lack of sleep, well, they all take a toll on one's sex life. Plus, I work nights, he works days, so we both get little sleep. And, even though mothers sometimes can "go right back to sleep" after they have satisfied their husbands, it is not always the case. Esp. with newborns. Dr's aren't kidding when they tell a new mother "sleep when the baby sleeps" cuz that's the only sleep they can get! And I'm not sure about the men, but when I get little to no sleep, the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius ain't got nothin' on me!! It's not pretty, and the LAST thing I want is to be touched. I am, in expert's opinions, a BITCH when I have little sleep. And I admit it.
So, yes, been there, doing that, and our daughter is 3!!The best thing to do, is to help her out-without being asked (this will mean more than a bouquet of roses~trust me!), be patient, show appreciation, help her out (worth mentioning twice), give sincere compliments, not only of how good a mother she is and what a good job she is doing, but sincerely how attractive you find her.
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I am responding to this post before I read any of the responses. I will go back and read them in a bit! So if I copy someone, I am sorry for the redundancy!!
Where does HE get off calling YOU lousy in bed AND a prude!!! It sounds like HE needs to wear that title!!! I mean, you did the searching, and now he doesn't even want to try it? And doesn't want to explore other options, like watching simple porn with his WIFE??
Cybering is OK, IF IF IF both partners are OK with it. Now, if he's neglecting you, or coming in a just giving you slut talk, instead of loving words to HIS WIFE, then there is a major problem, IMO. Once in a while "slut talk" is fine. But that is either for booty calls, or slut talk. And I am SO sorry that he is treating you like that.
Toys shouldn't be an issue either. I mean, he TOLD YOU to get better in bed, you are trying, but not to his liking? How fair is that??
I am a bit steamed for you. Sorry, but this is how I see it, just from what you've said.
Good luck!!
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As in, really not expecting it?
I was in my car a few years ago (before kid, and single), had the stereo up, and listening to All Stars "Battleflag" (rap/rock), and felt it coming on, then BOOM!! The bass in that song, and apparently how I was sitting just so caused me to O while driving!!
I love that song!!!It only happened to me that once, but I wasn't complaining!
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That looks really cool!!
I chose the USA link, and it worked for me.
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Well, I assume you are young, but not sure how young, from your age response anyway.
That said, I am also assuming that there hasn't been a lot of experience for you, sexually.
If your BF thinks that you need to do more during sex, then, maybe that is true, but HE also needs to be doing more to help satisfy YOU too. I don't know too many men (actually I don't know a single one) that doesn't like to "go down" on their women. Some men find that almost more pleasurable then actual sex, cuz they know they are hitting more sensitive areas.
Sex between 2 people that aren't in it just to get off, need to communicate, as mentioned before, and also come up with some creative things to do, places to do it, and positions to try. There's nothing wrong with getting some sexual toys, books, videos. It may help excite the both of you, and learning new things never hurts either. Have fun with it. Train him how to please you (also assuming that you know WHAT pleases you). Have him train you on what pleases him. Whether or not you stay together, in the long run, this will make you both better lovers!
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I stayed with a man for months after I realized that I didn't love him. Mostly because of the whole comfort aspect. We'd been together for 4.5 yrs. One day, I realized that I had just lied to him by telling him I loved him. And I respected him enough to realize that, and was frank with him that night, after some serious soul-searching and thought into how I was going to tell him.
Financial security is a beautiful thing, however, if he thinks that you are truly in love with him (gotta agree with Howard, 3 mos isn't enough time to fully know if this is true love or not), then you are being unfair to him AND to yourself.
After all, you are holding each other back by putting up the facade of loving him. If he knows that you don't love him, then maybe he is waiting to see if you will fall in love with him. If you don't think you can, then maybe you should be moving on, to be fair to both of you, and your future potential mates as well.
I'm not trying to sound demeaning when I say this, but you ARE young, and this is the time to be having a bit of fun, learning about yourself, what you want, experience a little life before committing to a life-long relationship too.
Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. YOU must search yourself and your feelings. There is no easy answer.
Good luck.
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My mistake then. I got that from the "have a frank discussion with your children". That's what I thought was meant. I apologize.
As far as talking to the ex wife, it may be a good idea, when you think that she is ready to try and communicate as a parent, and not when she is trying to come back. Many divorced parents bad-mouth the other spouse, esp infront of the kids, out of bitterness (my mother and father divorced when I was 9, my father passed on in '98, and my mother STILL tries to do this!). If not now, when your children mature more, they will realize which parent was a bit more fair when it came to dealing with the other. That will help them in relationships.
Don't rush into thinking about how they will possibly treat your GF if she was to become their step-mother, for you are freshly divorced, and getting remarried in such a hurry wouldn't be a good thing for either of you or your GF. But it is something to think about later on. You don't know how old your girls will be when/if that even happens. You may find that you will have the hardest time with the youngest, but that may not always be the case. That is just from what I have seen personally, in situations similar to this at least.
I hope that this helps. This is just my view as a child of divorce, and as a step-parent as well. Good luck to you and your family!
And, I am online at that time in the A.M. cuz I get off of work at 2:30, and get online to relax before bed, BTW.
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Again, I respectfully disagree with Howard.
I am a child of divorce, as I am sure many of us are. I don't believe that it's any of the children's business why the marriage failed. Telling your kids that Mommy slept with another man, no matter how old they are is NONE of their business. Plus, it would sound bitter and mean to them. They need to respect both parents, and that wouldn't help YOU or her there.
No, I don't think that pics of your current GF is wrong to have up. They're old enough to know that. It'd be different if they were under ten yrs old. But they're not.
You're not sure what they are being told. And you really shouldn't ask them, cuz that would make them feel like they have to choose sides.
Just tell them that there were issues that couldn't be resolved, you're moving on with your life, and that you would like them to try and do the same. It's your house, you make the payments, or paid for it, and they can't tell you what you can and can't put up, especially in your space (I think you said her pic was in your bedroom?).
Slowly intergrate your GF into your life with your kids. Maybe just a dinner one night, movie one night, so on. Don't force her on them, cuz they will resent it. Also, remember to spend quality time with all of them, especially the youngest. A daugther will always love her Daddy. You have to nurture the relationship, and let them go when they want to fly.
Best of luck to you and your family!
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I too have noticed that Kitty's posts have been kind of on the negative side as of late.
I read a lot of posts, and don't post replies, so I've seen a few.
I hope that nobody feels they need to leave this forum due to negativity. Don't let one bad apple spoil the barrel.
If anything, maybe Kitty's jealous?
I don't know. But whatever it is, I hope she learns to curb her negativity and rude comments. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. But lets keep in mind people, we are all adults here, with adult concerns, topics, jokes, and experiences. If there is a post that you personally find offensive in nature, or doubt the sincerity of a poster, then just pass it by. Why respond? 
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I gotta agree with Dolphins, and, respectfully, disagree with Howard.
MOST men, IMO, wouldn't be able to "handle" a woman telling them that they are a lousy lover. Especially a past lover. That would almost sound cruel and bitter of the woman to the man, I would think.
Now, slowly teaching them as you go, yes, that would work, but a man's ego is a fragile thing, and most wouldn't take it so well.
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Like Mikala, I had a somewhat wild past, esp when I was recently divorced, so I may fantasize about someone from back then. Or, maybe a cute guy I work with.
But I would NEVER tell hubby this cuz he is so insecure, says I am a flirt, and is jealous. Plus, it would probably hurt him, so I don't tell him what I fantasize. And I don't ask what he fantasizes about, cuz he just give the cheezy answer (the one time I did ask) "you". Yeah, ok. I am not stupid and know that men also fantasize about other women, but apparently he doesn't get that I know that.
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A postive outlook is important as self esteem, IMO.
Now, there is a guy I know, that goes for "fat chicks" cuz he thinks that they're easier to please, and better in bed cuz they put more effort into it all. Not sure if that's true, and not MY opinion at all, but just giving an example of some people's way of thinking.
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:lol: I was going to post this today!!
I had my tongue pierced, but took it out when I was 4 mos pregnant and I regret taking it out, but oh well!! I still have my naval pierced, and I have 3 holes in each ear too.
Personally, I don't like facial (on the face) piercings, like the lip or eyebrow or the space between the bottom lip and chin. IMO they detract from a person's beauty. I have only seen a couple of women with really pretty nose piercings too. But that's just me.
I am all for self-expression, so long as you're not hurting anyone else, so what one chooses to do with their bodies is their business.
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Here is a pic of my first tattoo. I had the outline done first, which took a little over 2 hours. I was very thin, and it is in sensitive area, oh, and I may mention I am a wuss!! So I kept having him stop. But he did 4 lines to make it thick, and it hurt like hell!! Anyway, I love it, it's my fav one. Hope you like it!!
The one on my thigh hurt, but not as bad. More fat there I guess.
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When I was a teenager, I was seeing some other guy the whole time I was seriously dating another for 2 yrs. Though no sex happened with either one ( I was a virgin).
In my adult years, only 2 of the men I have seriously dated have NOT cheated on me! One being my current husband. The other a guy that worshipped the ground I walked on, but I fell out of love and respect for. Other than that, color me stupid!!
I am against cheating. But, at the same time, one never knows where life will take you either. Yes, you are responsible for your actions, and the reprocussions of thos actions, but sometimes there are circumstances that help a cheatin' heart along. KWIM?
But, no, I have not sexually, full blown cheated either.
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Thanks for those who responded.
Here's my story:
I was single, having safe fun met a guy who was 8 yrs my jr, and we fucked like bunnies too!! Well, one night the condom slipped off, which we were so into it, we didn't know, got cleaned up, and well, after a month of that, went our seperate ways (though sometimes I wish we hadn't ended it). I never have been able to find him to ask him if he knew he had it. I'm thinking he didn't. IF it was even him, but I am thinking so (herpes has been found to "hide out" in a body for up to 8 yrs before presenting symptoms in some people!!).
Anyway, about 6 mos later, I get severely stressed over finances, 3 days later it hurt to pee, sit, walk, stand everything. I had a feeling I knew what it was since my sister has it too.
Go to the doctor and my worst fears are confirmed. Yes, I have herpes. Loverly. Wonderful. Yay me. Well, I told my BF (now my hubby) and he was GREAT!! I told him if he wanted to leave, he was more than welcome too, I wouldn't blame him a bit if he did. He said that there were worse things to have, and that we'd work thru it.
Less than a year later, we were married, and 6 mos after that we had our daughter. My OB/GYN was GREAT at making sure I was well treated during my pregnancy, and I had my daughter via c-section, no complications.
I won't say it's been a walk in the park, I get depressed at times that this happened to me (may be some of the self-esteem issues). But, as mentioned, my older sister has it, and has always been open about it with me, and she has been a wealth of info for me. She has ALWAYS told potential partners about it, and in the 16 yrs that she has had it, only one man has turned her down after hearing. So I know that there are those out there that either don't care, or are willing to risk it.
Only a handful of friends and 2 family members know that I have it. One being my mother. Surprisingly, she had dated a guy for 3 yrs with it, and I never knew!!
I was amazed she was so open-minded about it (you have to know my mother to understand this statement). And now y'all too. I can't believe I am telling you this. But I feel as though, in the short time I've been here, that most of you are open minded, and honest, and non judgmental enough to understand and accept it. Yes, I've been tested for everything else under the sun, and am clean otherwise, in case you were wondering.
My husband doesn't show any signs of having it. I am very careful when I feel a sore coming on, and don't let him near me. He has a weak immune system, so I'm pretty sure he would know if he had it! Anyway, it's something I am still working thru when I think of it. But ya know, I don't always think of it. I'm not about to let it ruin my life. I was depressed for about a month after finding out, and that's all the depression I am willing to allow it!
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I have 2 tattoos.
I have a Firebird (yes, from the Pontiac car, 1973 decal to be exact). It's pretty big, on the small of my back. That was my first.
My second is a white tiger, about a foot long or so, on my upper right thigh.
I find them sexy, if they are on a woman, if they are delicate, and tasteful. I don't think facial, or arm tattoos (unless they are really small) are good on a woman's body. I don't like the ones on the neck either. Or the homemade ones.
On men, upper arm ones are nice, if done professionally, and tastefully. I LOVE tribal armbands!! There is a point where there are too many tattoos on a person, IMO at least.
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I'm hoping that Howard meant that for her to get educated means that she should learn about her own body, no just go out and get laid. I am thinking he did, from what I have read from him.
That said. I think Kate is serious about it, her coming and actually posting here for the first time, can be a bit scary itself!! So WTG Kate!!
Using a shower massager can help, or fingers, or if you don't want to use a dildo to preserve your hymen, then using a clitorial stimulator is AWESOME!! The Hustler Rock It Vibe that I mentioned in the Reviews section really does a nice job, and no penetration needed.
This site's catalog sends it's stuff in descreet manilla envelopes or plain brown boxes, with Atlantic Innovations as the return address, so if you're worried about parents or roommates finding out, unless they too order from here, then you're still retaining some privacy.
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If you feel bad, and guilty, then yes, in your heart, you have cheated. Especially if it's something you feel you have to hide.
As for the BUMP, back down to earth, you won't fully be down to earth until, yes, you guess it, you chat with your wife.
There has to be timing for it. Maybe a romantic dinner, and start the conversation off like "I love yo so much baby, and want to please you in every way. How can I do that for you in the bedroom? I love making love to you, and wish it could happen more.". Make the conversation about what you want to do for her at first. That should open up her telling you what she wants, and her asking, hopefully, what she can do for you.
If you make it sound blaming "You really need to..." or "why can't you?" sounds blaming and negative, and would cause her to feel inadequate.
Good luck to you!!!
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I have a couple pair of boots that I always feel sexy in!!
I dressed as Catwoman one year ( I was waitressing, and they were thigh highs, but no heels), and I thought the male customers were going to fight over me!! It was great!
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I saw someone posted that they like women in boots, so it got me thinking:
What normal, everyday accessory gets you hot? Whether you are a man or a woman that appreciates a nice lookin' woman!
I've known some men that like pearls on ladies. Drove a friend of my BF nuts when I wore a string of them with a tank top and jeans on!
Other men liked my tongue ring I had (took that out though). I like women that have pretty, well dressed eyes. I also like seeing women in boots too, and nice fitting jeans. Plus, I like (and have) naval rings on flat tanned tummies!
Do You Think A Certian Amount Of Jealousy Is A Good Thing?
in Everything Else
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So long as it doesn't get violent, or paranoid, do you think that a bit of jealousy on your SO's part is a good thing?