crys

hi this is my first time on this type of board. my question is how do i get my boyfriend to touch me like he used to? weve been dating for 3 years and the last year has been going down hill. i have a 5 year old from a previous marrage and together we have a 1 yr old. lately, its like pulling teeth for him to kiss me - i mean besides the peck i get everyday. i ask him why he doesnt touch me and he just looks at me. ive lost most of the baby weight so its not like he cant find his way. he works nights and i stay home with the kids. he says he tries to wake me up but i just roll over. sorry at 3 am i guess he needs to try harder. i tell him that but it does no good. theres no foreplay and ive resulted to using a vibrator to get off. nothing against it but everytime i use it, it makes me want him more. i miss the butterflies in my stomach from his kisses, and i miss getting off. i cant remember the last time i got off during sex. i get close, but then he or i moves and i lose it. ive been moody due to other personal reasons and having to deal with alot in the last year or so. i dont know what has changed and i cant get him to talk to me about it. he mentioned that he wanted to watch porn for something different. ive left him messages about getting toys and comming home and it doesnt happen. hell get off work and go to the bar and then come home at 3 am. i bring up the bar thing to let him know that it bothers me but i just makes him upset. (he doesnt say it but i can tell) i dont know why he cant come home to us. he says he loves me and i know he would cheat, but how do i get my questions answered? and the oral thing doesnt happen - i give and dont recieve so ive told him that until i get mine, he doesnt get his. weve had a great sex life. he is the first person to give me such intense orgasms and is the only person who has gotten me off oraly. we've have more sex when we didnt live together than when we started living together (its been a year that weve lived together) i want the past back and i dont know how to get it. i miss him and i tell him that all the time. what do i do?