[Clitoris]

Okay, I have a little problem and I need some advice. I am 36 years old and have always had a phenominal sex life with my hubby. We have been together for 14 years now and were doing great until my 36th b-day last October. Up until then my hubby could bring me to orgasm thru oral in a minute or less. And I could get myself off in under 3 minutes sans any toys or between 1 and 3 minutes using a toy. After my 36th, it seemed to become more difficult to achieve orgasm thru clitoral stimulation. My hubby blames it on my increased use of toys and says that I've "de-sensitized" my clitoris. I masturbate pretty often (4+ times a week) I've tried using "Viva cream" and a few other creams, lotions or gels but to no avail and often with worsening results. Should I consult my Dr. about this? The desire is still there just the sensation that is missing. I can sometimes achieve orgasm now but it takes forever and seems "forced" as well as "Weak" and not really worth the effort. Am I unique in this problem? Can anyone help me?

[Need Help - Sex Life Sucks]

Ok, first WELCOME!

You have a lot of things going on here. You have a 1 year old child - which is super stressful for you, and for your boyfriend. There are many men out there (sorry guys) who have a lot of trouble seeing their women as "sexual" beings after a baby comes. It is not always a weight issue - it is more of a "nurturing - mommy mode" issue! Your child is only 1 - you are soooo into mommy mode that it has got to be hard for him to visualize the sexual creature he had before the baby came. That may be one of the biggest issues - it can also be part of the oral sex problem. Some men (sorry again guys) have issues going down on a woman after they see a baby come out down there. They can't get it out of there minds....how old are you and how old is your bf?

Next, the night shift your bf is on probably doesn't help much. It isn't easy to not see your lover, or be tired when you do see them. Things are not very convienient for you in the timeline department right now. Does he have weekends off? You need to make time for FOREPLAY and for sex.

Also, I think you need to make an effort to wait up for him. Tell him that you are going to wait up for him. Take a nap with your child, got to sleep with him or her and set the alarm to wake you up in enough time to get ready. Fix your hair, make-up, put on lingerie---make yourself feel good about YOU...and then meet him at the door. Don't take no for an answer, start heating up the relationship again. With a 1 year old it might be a little hard to do it all the time, but at least once a week will help to get you started again. Then he may stop his detours at the bar.

As far as oral goes - I am with you 100% on the none for me, none for your rule! I think men shouldn't get blowjobs if they are not willing to give us oral! I am not saying that they always HAVE to give us oral, but they can't sit back and expect us to suck their cocks and not give it up to us! You have got to be firm on that one.

The last thing is communication. You have to talk to him in a nice, calm respectful manner. If he isn't listening, or doesn't seem to care about your needs - then unfortunately that is a sign that he doesn't much care about you. Men do care about us, and they are willing to listen, but if he continually doesn't want to listen and nothing changes, you may have to consider ending the relationship, but lets try other things first.

Good luck, keep us posted!

Mikayla

Hi! I too am new to the boards and will not even try to pretend to know any answers to anything. I agree with alot that Mikayla wrote. My hubby and I had similar problems when our first child was born. He finally confessed (after a lot of shouting that I DO NOT recommend) that he felt like I had pushed him aside when our daughter was born and he felt neglected, jealous and undesired each time I told him "not tonight honey, I'm exhausted from taking care of the baby all day". After hearing that or variations of that phrase over the course of several months, he finally stopped trying and started to become bitter. I finally gave my baby over to a relative for 3 days and devoted my time 24 hours a day into showing him how much he means to me things got noticably better and we've been together now for 13 years! I wish you luck!

teeroze2004