Sweetpup

I can not think of anything that I have done that my wife could be holding in. She always is outspoken. I was the one that holds it in and now I'm able to speak my mind. Early on in our marriage I was cheated on twice. then after our second daughter was born, she is now 13, there was a sexual breakdown that continues today, then the communication breakdown. This has been going on for a number of years that I have been sticking it out. Now not all the times were bad. Sex has always been the same thing. She lays there for foreplay, has a couple of orgasms then wants to fuck. Then its over. Last night we had sex, first time in 9 months, and it was the same thing. I have bought games, toys, anything to change things up. Doesn't work.

Thanks all. We have tried counseling. She said she didn't get much out of it or tried much that was suggested. I just know about the future.

Hi all, I'm back with an update. Things are still not going well with my SO. She has changed some but I think with the problems we had I have now shut down. There has been no sex for 9 months now, no affection, no intimacy. There has been no hugs or love you for over a month now. I know she wants to but now I have rejected her. Our communication has gotten a lot better but I feel we are just friends. I dont know if I want to take a chance on the future. I dont know if things get better if they will stay that way or if it will decline again. I just know if I can take anymore of this but I don't want anyone to get hurt in the process. On another note I did find someone else that I talk to and care about. I know its wrong and has gone no further then talking. I know that is where it all starts, but I'm happy when I talk to her. I look for positive things in my wife but dont get that same feeling anymore. I put my heart and soul into saving our marriage a year ago and she kept rejecting most all I tried to do. I don't know if I should just call it quits and move on or try to start again which will take me a long time. All I want is to be happy. Read my last posts for backround. Thanks for reading and your thoughts.

Hi all, all is still going well and seems to be getting better everyday. She is not on any meds. I think it was more of an idenity crisis. Then realizing how good she really has it. A fresh start and a new home is getting her excited again both mentaly and physicaly. Some thing I think we both needed after raising children that will be gone soon. I am looking forward to things to continue on the path were on. Thanks again for everyones support and concern. I will keep everyone updated as things progress.

Thanks again for everyone's help so here is an update. I have been talking to my sister about things and she has become kind of a counsler to my wife. Things have definatly improved over the last couple of weeks. My sister tends to see things from all angles. My wife and I have been talking alot more and she has even become more affectionate. I have commended her on her progress and told her I hope it continues. She still has the feelings but are slowly coming back. All the talks with my sister has greatly helped. My wife and I have both decided that a fresh start all around was needed. We decided to purchase a new home about hour and a half from Chicago. We are all excited about starting over including the kids which I thought was going to be hell to get them to move but I was wrong. It also seems like my wife is more of a mother now then a friend to my oldest. We will be closer to my sister which my wife does like because my sister was close to us before she moved. I am glad that I didn't do anything drastic to change her mind as that was always my intent was for her to see things before it was too late. I am confident that with all the changes, the fresh start, and both commited to make things work that we will finially get back back to where we left off 12 years ago and have a happy family. Its all we both ever wanted was to be happy. I just knew I had to hold out a little longer. Thanks to all again for your support through my time of need. I will keep everyone posted on how things work out.

Thank you all for your replies and understanding. I didn't think I was going crazy. My wife and I had a talk last night and she actually talked to me rather then claming up. Some progress was made but I will see how it pans out. I am giving this one more month to see if things turn around. I am going to contact a lawyer just to get myself in order in case things turn for the worst. I am going to start doing for my self and my children. Kind of give her the cold shoulder but not stoop to her level. I will remain loving but I think she has to make the first move now. My wife knows that she cannot make enough money to pay for half of the mortgage and household bills. I am going to impliment this begining Febuary if I don't see any real progress. I do have a hard time doing this because I have values that I should be the provider for the family and taking care of them. I have told my wife that I haven given enough this past year to keep just about anyone happy and not getting any benifits from a marriage in return. Maybe selfish on my part, But I can't keep giving with no return. In my mind I don't think anything is going to phase her short of diviorce papers. I could be wrong. All I am looking for is someone to love and take care of and wants to do the same in return. Is this too much to ask for. Thanks again for all you input and I will keep you up to date and try to answer anyones questions.

Hi all Haven't posted in a while but have checking these boards everyday. Need some more advice here. Check my last post from 2006 for backround. It has been over a year now and not much has changed. We have gone to counseling but that has not done any good. I have tried to schedule date nights but they always fall through for some reason. I tried to do a Sunday morning breakfast while the kids are still sleeping but she tell me it's my day to sleep in. I have tried to have romantic evenings but they never pan out. I have given her compliments almost every day. I bring her flowers, I still do some cooking and cleaning. We do have some good days where I can tell she is trying but it never continues. We will have a good week but when the weekend comes something stupid happens. I have giving her books to read but she doesn't read them. This has been a rollercoaster all year. We have only had sex twice this year and I know she uses her BOB at least once a week. I only get a kiss when I get home from work and berfore going to bed. There are no hugs only once in a while when she feels like it. She thinks she does it more then she does. I have become an emotional wreck this past year and am not a happy person. Even my youngest (12) keeps asking if I am OK. My oldest (16) is her best friend. Right now I am to the point that I don't even know how to touch her or even hug her. I want to keep working on the marriage but am afraid that I will be wondering if it is true or will be looking over my shoulder. Then I think of just calling it quits and making myself happy and getting on with my life. I know she wont read anything or go back to counseling. She is just happy with the way things are. I have told her my feelings and have had many talks but all I get is I know and I'll try harder or no response at all. Then nothing ever comes of it. I am at a total loss for what to do other then file for divorce to get things to change. This year for New Years we had one kiss, no hugs, nothing else. same old thing. Every one that I have talked to that knows what is going on keep telling me that nothing is going to change. We had a talk this morning, and I told her that rules are going to change for our kids and I want to work on our marriage but I am going to be happy. So if things work out they work out and if they don't they don't. I told her that I refuse to go through another year like this. She thinks that me being happy doing my own thing is going to make us happy. I think it is the other way around and we to make each other happy and ourselves happy at the same time. If more imformation is needed let me know. I am at a loss at what to do next. Thanks for reading.

Hi all, It's been a while so an update. Things were looking better at least I thought so and was told we're doing better untill yesterday. I'm still doing the cleaning, some cooking. This has become a habit now. Sometimes my wife feels like I'm taking over but I explain to her that it's so we can spend more time togeather and not worry about work. I'm still texting her, making a point to call every morning wishing her a good day and that I love her. I bring her occasonl flowers when the others die. I leave her notes in the car, complimenting her all the time. I'm not as clingy anymore but I do hold her and kiss her softly. We snuggle more but it only lasts for a day. Our date nights or time alone is always interrupped with the kids plans. My wife tells me she wants them to have fun and someone has to go on the back burner. My wife has been quieter lately and doesn't talk much. I ask her whats on her mind and she tells me nothings on her mind. I hate being a pest because it doesn't help the situation. Well yesterday after talking alittle bit about our feelings and where we're headed she tells me that her feelings have not changed that much. She told me they have gone up alittle. My wife told me she doesn't know if she is still in love with me. That was a big heart breaker after all I have been trying and still am. My wife doesn't want to see a counsler because she is afraid of finding out her true feelings. I am very afraid too because I love her so deeply and don't want to be with anyone else and she knows this. I ask her if there is anything I can do for her to help her but there isn't. I feel so helpless and can't help feeling depressed. I know she sees that I'm not happy but doesn't try to do anything to change it whether it be a hug or anything to say everythings alright. I try to be happy but it is very difficult. My wife said all she wants is us to be happy but I don't know if that means being togeather and being happy as a couple or being happy without each other. My wife has the kids to keep her company and busy but I don't have much because my family isn't that close. I hate thinking of the worst after 23 years of marriage but I'm losing hope after she told me all this. I'm lost at what to do now.

Hi all, It's been a while so an update. Things were looking better at least I thought so and was told we're doing better untill yesterday. I'm still doing the cleaning, some cooking. This has become a habit now. Sometimes my wife feels like I'm taking over but I explain to her that it's so we can spend more time togeather and not worry about work. I'm still texting her, making a point to call every morning wishing her a good day and that I love her. I bring her occasonl flowers when the others die. I leave her notes in the car, complimenting her all the time. I'm not as clingy anymore but I do hold her and kiss her softly. We snuggle more but it only lasts for a day. Our date nights or time alone is always interrupped with the kids plans. My wife tells me she wants them to have fun and someone has to go on the back burner. My wife has been quieter lately and doesn't talk much. I ask her whats on her mind and she tells me nothings on her mind. I hate being a pest because it doesn't help the situation. Well yesterday after talking alittle bit about our feelings and where we're headed she tells me that her feelings have not changed that much. She told me they have gone up alittle. My wife told me she doesn't know if she is still in love with me. That was a big heart breaker after all I have been trying and still am. My wife doesn't want to see a counsler because she is afraid of finding out her true feelings. I am very afraid too because I love her so deeply and don't want to be with anyone else and she knows this. I ask her if there is anything I can do for her to help her but there isn't. I feel so helpless and can't help feeling depressed. I know she sees that I'm not happy but doesn't try to do anything to change it whether it be a hug or anything to say everythings alright. I try to be happy but it is very difficult. My wife said all she wants is us to be happy but I don't know if that means being togeather and being happy as a couple or being happy without each other. My wife has the kids to keep her company and busy but I don't have much because my family isn't that close. I hate thinking of the worst after 23 years of marriage but I'm losing hope after she told me all this. I'm lost at what to do now.

I think my change of a complete turnaround was too much for them to take in. My wife assured me that she is not out looking for an affair but committed to fixing our marriage. I know I am part of the problem and need a better relationship with my daughter. I don't want to demand sex for 2 reasons. 1) I don't want to push the subject. 2) It wouldn't be enjoyable for either one of us. I want my wife to get her sex drive back so it is good for both of us. Just looking for help to get it started. Thanks all

I think my change of a complete turnaround was too much for them to take in. My wife assured me that she is not out looking for an affair but committed to fixing our marriage. I know I am part of the problem and need a better relationship with my daughter. I don't want to demand sex for 2 reasons. 1) I don't want to push the subject. 2) It wouldn't be enjoyable for either one of us. I want my wife to get her sex drive back so it is good for both of us. Just looking for help to get it started. Thanks all

Hi all, Thanks for all your advice. We are talking alot more about things. She has stopped talking to this guy except for a hello at work. My wife thinks its great how I have changed. I now clean the house,do the dishes,we make dinner together. I'm buying flowers, leaving notes & text messaging her from work. We still have a problem with that she says I am giving to much and going to fast. My oldest daughter (15) says she likes the change also but can't stand how we are kissing & hugging when we are together. My wife agrees with her that it's to much and work on it slowly. They say it's like having nothing and then getting to much.I explained things that that is how I feel inside. Now it seems they want me to tone down my feelings and actions. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I love my wife deeply and we both are commited to work this out but sometimes I feel I'm not doing enough. Also how do I approch my wife about sex. She said she has lost her sex drive. My wife is very sexy and is hard to keep my hands off her, but I don't want to push the subject. I have tried talking about it but she tells me it will come in time. It has been 2 and half months without sex and it's killing me. I really enjoy pleasing her and she feels the same but very hard to get her in the mood. I would like to get our sexual relationship back and have it more often but I don't want to keep bring up the subject. Seems like she has no desire to have sex. Any help on how to go about this or to help her enjoy sex again? Thanks again for all your advice.

Hi all, First time here. I need some advice, first off some backround. My wife and I have been married for 23 years. Have two beautiful girls togeather. My wife was a stay at home mom for 10 years. I travel for work (not to often) but am usally home on weekends. We have fallin into the married couples rut. My wife took care of the kids and the house, but gave up on the house beacause of not being aknowlaged. I admit I am to blame for this too, for not giving my wife the compliment and aknowlagement she needs. Three months ago I sensed something wrong (I know not soon enough) so I started doing some research. I have a problem showing affection. I have now learned it's ok to show emotion. I started to change my habits with helping around the house, The kids, showing more attention, cuddling & kissing more. I have always enjoyed sex but it was only about 3 times a year. I have tried to keep it going in the bedroom with candles, sexy lingerie, or what ever I could think of, but nothing helped. I found out a couple of months ago (from cell phone bill) that she has been calling a co-worker. I asked her who the number was and she told me it was a girl from work. I know she lied because I called the number. I asked her who this guy is and she said she was sorry she lied to me. We talked about it, along with alot of other things as we have been lately. Now keep in mind that I have been changing my ways to save our marriage. My wife told me they were only talking as friends about the kids. He also is married and has kids. Some days she would call up to 5 times to talk to him. Then I find out from a friend (who she talked to about this) that they were kissing. My wife told me it was only one kiss. She told me nothing else was going on and sex never entered her mind. I think she is still hiding something but can't prove it. I love my wife deeply and am willing to forget the past and start new with no secrets and alot more communicating. We both agreed and is working better. We both do things around the house and with the kids. We started having date nights to try to get to know one another again like when we got married. I have never been able to keep my hands off of her. I have showen alot more affection twords her (maybe too much) but not getting much in return. I have changed almost 180 degrees in 3 months and she said she has a hard time with that. I don't want to fall into that rut again. I promised her I wouldn't even if she had to kick me. We still don't have sex because she has no feelings for it, but she still uses her toys. Now I don't know what to belive. Sometimes I ask myself is it worth it and is this what I really want. My wife thinks everything is going ok between us but little things keep poping up. I try to talk about it but she doesn't say much then changes the subject. I guess I need comfirmation that she is in this marriage 110% like I am. She told me that she is but I can't see her trying any harder then she did before. I don't think we're getting any closer or passionate about each other. Maybe I'm wrong and just don't see it. If anyone can shed some light on this or been in this situation please reply. Everything on these boards seems to be the other way around. Thanks to all.