ren
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Posts posted by ren
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Hi all,
Well, I met a new man. Strangely enough, he also has a lot of body hair. Maybe even more than the last one. I didn't know at first, cause he was wearing a sweater. I do now, as he wore a tank top. I haven't seen him nude yet, and feel like I want to ask him if he has back hair, etc. before I get to know him more and run into a problem with him. But, I think it may be too rude to bring it up. I've only gone out with him a few times. But, I don't want to feel like I have to hide my thoughts if I end up in bed with him, before saying something, for concern of him being offended - I'm assuming he would be. So, what's the concensus. Should I say something before I get more involved with him or wait till I get to know him more - maybe even after seeing him nude and getting more intimate. I just don't want to waste my time, but don't want him to think I'm being too personal, too soon.
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I also do not have any connection to Too Timid.com, other than as a members, and, recently, as a moderator. I do not get paid for that work. I came on board in early 2005, as just a reader, and after reading some of the advice, and thinking it was either wrong, or sadly incomplete, joined, and became a regular comtributor.
I have looked at other forums, and nothing like this exists anywhere else. I do take a look at other sites occasionally, to see if they have changed formats, or done a better job of helping readers with questions, and all of them are pretty stilted, have few readers, or fewer people who answer, and usually don't invite answers from readers and other members. If you google Adult Sex talk Forums, you can find other sites to check out yourself. YOu may also want to google for other words, as I believe I accidentally found this site looking at adult sex toys sites.
What TT.com offers is a terrific catalog of products, and reasonable prices, Sex Toy Reviews that are pretty helpful, Great Sex Education articles that are added to almost weekly, and this Forum, which covers a lot of territory, with answers that don't mince words. We try to be linguistically upscale in the words we use to describe sex, while telling people in detail how to achieve the desired skills or outcome. We don't hesitate to give examples from our own sex lives, or talk about any problems we have over-come, and discretely talk about our sex partners, and any relevant reactions they may have had to something we did to made them feel great, whether we succeeded or not.
It is always better to learn from other's mistakes than to make your own. Most people learn best this way. However, there are always a few of us who have to pee on the electric fence to find out why others told us not to do that! I have found that straight talk is the best way to discourage people from hurting themselves, and also the best way to help people have more fun having sex. I think most of the regular posters share that feeling. I think most of us are still searching for ways to discuss sex openly, without being crude, but in enough detail that others can learn quickly from our mistakes, and not commit those same mistakes themselves. That is a fine balancing act, but I personally have decided to err on the side of being crude, if I must, to make a point, rather than to write something that no reader can understand!
Please join us here regularly. I am sure you also have experiences you can share with others. We were all " Beginners " once. I don't know when you stop or cease to be a beginner, but it seems to occur when you find someone who obviously doesn't know something you have already learned.
Howard
Thanks for such a detailed answer. So far, I have truly enjoyed my time here and am planning to frequent it regularly.
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Up and Out: Great lovers are made, not born. You have found out the sad reality about men and that is most of them didn't pay much attention when they were young about learning to pleasure a woman. They didn't aspire to be great lovers, so they didn't ask questions. The women in their lives expected less, so no complaints were given, and the men never learn much of anything about how to pleasure a woman.
Its never too late to go to school, particularly when it comes to sex. With the next guy, put the focus on talking about what each likes, long before you get the clothes off. And let him know that you expect him to teach and train you to pleasure him, and you expect to teach and train him to pleasure you. And, being a good teacher, if he does it wrong, he's just going to have to do it again! Let him suffer.
But , make him the lover you want and need.
That's good advice. Both partners need to be willing to do this. If one isn't, it won't work. There's a lot that needs to come together for a relationship to work out well. Should be interesting!!
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What I suggest you do is log into the forum and save it to your toolbar. Then, when you come to the site you will log right into the forum.
I can not refer you to another forum, as I do not frequent any others. Also, I am partial to this one and think we all do a fantastic job.
One final thing....I understand having children around...I have a 5 year old. I just do my internet searching when he is asleep or in school. I don't feel restricted then.
Good Luck
Mikayla
Thanks, that's a good idea!
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I'm sorry that he took your suggestion badly. You were nicer than I would be. If something hurts, I stop it, whether my hubby is ready to cum or not. Sorry, but sex is suppose to be fun, not painful (unless you're into that).
A good lover is willing to hear suggestions, as well as make them. Not pound away to their heart's content, and to hell with what their partner wants. So, you lucked out that he's since disappeared. You deserve better, and now you can find it.
I didn't say anything while having sex, cause I was wanting to see what he was really like. Well, I found out. I was quite disappointed. You're right. There are better!! And I've had better, so I know. I have just found it hard to find someone I'm compatible with mentality et al and also physically. This is now 2 people in the last 3 month that I liked mentality - had lots in common, but lacked in the physcial (chemistry)dept. Before that I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 yrs. with someone I was totally taken with in the physical dept, but we were total opposites out of bed, so finally ended it over too many conflicts. Before that a divorce from an 18 yr marriage, which we were compatible in both areas, but other issues. This is all very strange. Kind of surreal at times!!
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Thanks for the info. Do you know of any other quiet models that are powerful, whether it be a clit or vibrator type? Nice to have a selection.
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Hi and welcome to the forum!
I am not connected to TooTimid's products in any way except that I enjoy using them and providing reviews for the people who come to read here. I came here just like many people to look for sex toys and found the forum. I had questions about my relationship, but when I started looking around the site, I realized that I had a lot of information that might help others. I started answering posts, and now a year later I have been asked to moderate some portions of the site just to keep things flowing. It is a "job" that I love and that makes me feel good about being here.
As for the products, like any reviewer here, I get free product in exchange for my reviews. I have heard that the review team, myself included, does a wonderful job providing information for consumers. I love most of the products and try to give honest, accurate reviews that will help buyers make informed desicions on what to purchase. The items are definitely a perk!
If you want information about the business, how it was started, who runs it, etc. go to the home page and on the bottom there is a link that says "About Us" this will tell you about the owners, company info etc. I can tell you that the forum is sort of "managed" by the moderators and Rob (who is an owner of the company).
If you have any other questions, feel free to post!
Mikayla
Thanks for your answer. Do you know of any other high quality sex forums (similar to this) that may be more discreet (No sex toys or sexy pictures on the main page)? I have young teenagers, so I have to really watch what shows on the screen. To get to the forum you have to go to the home page first, which shows sex toys. Once I'm in the forum, it's fine. It's the pictures I'm concerned about.
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Try some Fun Factory toys. They are made of silicone and are usually very quiet as well as powerful! The problem is, many of the more powerful toys are louder than you would probably like. Have you considered a mini-vibe, like the Huster Rock-It? These toys are small but deliver a very, powerful punch!
Also, have you considered playing music while you play? This will muffle the sound so you can use whatever toys you want. Or, if you have a private bath, consider a waterproof toy. They might think you are shaving your legs in there!
Good luck!
Mikayla
I tried searching for the Huster Rock-It and nothing came up? Is it offered through this company? Maybe under another name. What category is it under?
Thanks...
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Hi
As you probably know, I am new here. I have noticed that you seem to be in charge of most of the information on this site. Howard, also. Maybe others, I'm not sure. Are both of you connected to the Too Timid products? Is this your business? Just curious.
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HI
Well, I'm no longer with the hairy man. To make a long story short, he wouldn't agree to any shaving. Alright, fine, but when we had sex, he kept hitting my cervix hard with a new position and it was very uncomfortable (almost painful). I didn't stop him, as he was coming. Afterward, I told him gently that that was a little too much for me, et al. He then became kind of distant; not touching me much. He never called me again, not even to say goodbye. Good riddance!! I've only seen him for a month (thought he was a wonderful person) and only had sex with him a few times, but it was really the touching I liked with him. He had a great touch. I didn't touch him as much, cause of all the hair. I really tried getting past that, though. I know other women who like it. Guess it's a personal perference.
Boy, I can say episodes like that can really turn someone off to sex. I feel for someone who experience intercourse situations like this on a regular basis, and possibly wonder what is wrong with them -why others enjoy sex and they don't. Anyway, I guess in my case, a longer penis is not better!! Well, back to masturbating till I meet someone else. Who knows what the next will be like or when!! I never thought at my age, I would be going through stuff like this!!! Dating and sex can be fun, but also really frustrating.
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Hi
For those of us that have a slimline vibrator (not turned on), could you accomplish the same thing as with the energie kegelcisor? I know it is weighted, but another $50. is a lot right now. How much more effective is the energie? If there isn't much of a difference, maybe the slimline would be fine to use.
Any comments from anyone who has tried both?
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Hi
I just got this, put in the batteries and it won't turn on. For those of you who have this, is there a special way of putting in the batteries that I may not be doing. I AA batteries I'm using are new.
Thanks
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Hi
Has anyone ever tried this? Or the orginal jack rabbit for that matter. It sounded good in the description, but there are no reviews.
Is it as good as it says?
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Regarding shaving, I have used an epilator for years and love it. It is getting old and isn't pulling the hairs out as well anymore. Can anyone who likes epilators recommend one that pulls the hairs out very close? Some say that epilators are painful, but I find it much more tolerable than waxing and I then don't have to shave for a few weeks. I haven't tried it on my genitals. Has anyone here done that? Any problems with doing it on the genital area? Now that is for me.
I really don't like shaving, as the hair grows in too quick and then it is rough. Has anyone tried using an epilator on their man's back, etc? Anything else you may recommend other than shaving the genitals (I am also worried about cuts)? I think waxing and using an epilator would be way to painful for my guy on the genital area.
Thanks in advance.
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Hi U&O,
We men are very simple (and sometimes hairy) animals. We live on compliments from our women. So, instead of telling him how much you dislike his body hair, I suggest that you focus on pointing out to him how GREAT it would be if he shaved. How you would love to touch and fondle his shaved parts, what you would then like to do to him and how you would want to make him feel.
I bet that he really wants to make you happy. Make him aware of how thankful you would be.
Regards
That is a great suggestion. Thanks...
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Hi U&O,
We men are very simple (and sometimes hairy) animals. We live on compliments from our women. So, instead of telling him how much you dislike his body hair, I suggest that you focus on pointing out to him how GREAT it would be if he shaved. How you would love to touch and fondle his shaved parts, what you would then like to do to him and how you would want to make him feel.
I bet that he really wants to make you happy. Make him aware of how thankful you would be.
Regards
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I still think you have to talk to him. No, I don't think you are being petty, or demanding. My second wife wanted to see what it was like for me to have a full beard. I spent a week in the woods one Fall, where shaving was next to impossible. When I called her to tell her I was out of the woods, alive, and on the way home from N. Jersey, she asked me to leave the beard on until after I got home. I did, against my own wishes, as it had been driving me crazy for several days. After I met her at home, kissed her, let her feel it and rub her face against it, I told her I was going home and it was getting shaved off!
That is your problem in reverse, I think. I was glad she asked, but I am also glad that she acquiesced in the fact that wearing a beard just was not me! We had 3 men in my dorm in college who were covered in long hair, and left it all over the walls and floors and drains in the showers. It used to annoy everyone that they did not pick up or wipe up after themselves, and they were called on it several times. I am talking full guerilla suits now, from shoulder to ankle. All three men were short, dark, and stocky built. They finally got the message to clean up after themselves when they took a shower, and that kept them alive and unharmed.
If he is that hairy, he has been so all his adolescent and adult life. Surely he has heard from other men complaining about his hair. I would think he would be in the frame of mind to accept any kind offer to help him shave the spots he can't reach, like his back and shoulders, his butt, and crotch, from you. I really don't think he will be offended by your request, particularly if you offer to help him shave. His kind of guy is the kind that have a " 5 o'clock " shadow at 10 A.M., because his beard is so heavy and dark. If you can tolerate the beard, let that be the compromise. I remember these three guys shaving twice a day, and still have other guys say, as they went out for a date, " Say, aren't you going to shave before you go out?" They all knew what Richard Nixon suffered with during the 1960 Presidential campaign, and how unfair it was that he was described in negative terms simply because of his appearance on TV. In his 1968 campaign, he had his own make-up experts with him for all public appearances so he always looked like he had shaved recently, When HE HAD SHAVED RECENTLY! He was not going to be caught by the press again on that issue.
So, trust me a little on this issue. Your BF knows about people's reaction to all his hair. Unless he makes a lot of money, he can't afford to have it removed by electrolysis, and the chemical hair removers only do a temporary job for most of these guys. Unless he can find someone who will take the time to shave him, he really can't do anything about his problem. Be that nice volunteer, and I bet he will love you more for it.
Howard
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Hey, I am WITH you on the hairy man thing! My hubby is almost completly devoid of body hair, due to preference and plain genetics. I had a boyfriend once who had back hair, and every time we had sex I felt like I was sleeping with BIGFOOT! He did, however, have a penis worthy of Bigfoot so I let it slide for a while, until I couldn't handle it anymore.
I agree with Howard, be candid about it, but be prepared for him to be offended. No one likes to hear that there is something about us that offends our lover. I am reminded of Sex and THe City when Charlotte was dating the bald guy - and they went to a pool party. She made him shave his back because he was hairy. he did it, because he loved her.
So, moral....if he cares about you he will shave for you.....
Good luck!
Mikayla
Mikayla,
I didn't see that episode. Do you remember what Charlotte said to him to get him to shave? I may want to rent that episode.
I'm debating with myself on whether I am being superficial, even considering leaving him because of this, but I have recently come out of another relationship mainly because he would do very little to please me regarding his looks,etc. - very little compromising on a lot of things. Now I'm thinking, here I go again!! I'm nervous about bringing it up, because if he says no, I will also wonder how many other things he will say no to down the line. Maybe I am just making too big a thing about this. I don't know.
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Hey, I am WITH you on the hairy man thing! My hubby is almost completly devoid of body hair, due to preference and plain genetics. I had a boyfriend once who had back hair, and every time we had sex I felt like I was sleeping with BIGFOOT! He did, however, have a penis worthy of Bigfoot so I let it slide for a while, until I couldn't handle it anymore.
I agree with Howard, be candid about it, but be prepared for him to be offended. No one likes to hear that there is something about us that offends our lover. I am reminded of Sex and THe City when Charlotte was dating the bald guy - and they went to a pool party. She made him shave his back because he was hairy. he did it, because he loved her.
So, moral....if he cares about you he will shave for you.....
Good luck!
Mikayla
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Hi
I'm new here. I happened upon this site and what a find! So many well thought out answers...
Well, my dilemma. I am with a new guy that I really like. I put off having sex with him, so I would get to know him first. Now I am getting more intimate and have found that he has a lot of body hair and hair on his back. He is a wonderful lover, but I can't seem to get over the hair issue. He is more of a natural type, but is very clean. He doesn't seem to want to be bothered by doing a lot of extras to himself. He has a beard, cause he doesn't want to have to shave everyday, if that puts this in more perspective.
The problem is that I really don't enjoy hairy men. I can deal with hair on the chest, legs and forearms, but upper arms and back hair seem to turn me off when I see the person w/o clothes on and in touching. I feel like I am really in a fix over this, as I don't think he would ever consider shaving or waxing and I am very attracted to him otherwise. I would like to bring it up, but I don't know what to say back to him when he tells me he won't shave. I'm sure shaving or even trimming the genital area would be out of the question, too. Maybe I'll just have to grin and bear it.
Any comments on how some of you might handle this situation?
Shaving
in Ask A "Sexpert"
Posted
Arbue,
I did want to add something to this discussion. I actually had a sex education class once, where the teacher said that the hair is definitely there for a reason.
First it acts to pull sweat away from the skin into the hair, which is cooler for the person. The second reason I have actually experienced myself firsthand. It keeps each person from sticking to each other. In other words, it acts like a slide between the 2 bodies. I went out with a hairless person a long time ago and we kept sticking to each other. It wasn't even summer - our chests even created a suction with noise when we pulled apart . My next boyfriend had a lot of chest and pubic hair and boy was it more comfortable. Softer, no sticking and a nice sliding motion when our bodies moved over each other. For this reason, I like body hair - pubic and all, but a nice trim is good and back hair is "out". My ex actually liked the hair on my private area more than shaved, cause he said if we didn't have time to shave, it felt too rough on his tongue and would irritate it - it was too much trouble and time consuming to shave before sex all the time, so I went back to a natural state. He was absolutely fine with it and I was too. Of course now I'm dealing with the back hair issue on men - that's another story!!
Hope this helps.