valeriesue

Thank you all again. There is one suggestion I got from a friend today that wasn't mentioned here. I talked to the dh about it, and even though he is in good shape he has never had a test for low testosterone level. I looked at one of the drug company's sites and so did he. They had a printable questionaaire, which he said he would answer and see a urologist about it to see if this is something that might me causing this problem. That is one thing that hasn't been ruled out!

Howard: Oh Howard. Oh Howard. If my dh were like you, I would be eating you alive every single day, LoL. "Your husband has never learned that sex is Adult play time." That is again, like the post from tyger, right on target. No, he is not doing kegels. I do kegels, I have done them for years. I didn't know men were supposed to do kegels, where can I find some info about this? What is the technique for men to do them properly so they reap a benefit from them? Yes, he has had regular checkups, and there are no physical reasons that have been found, to prevent him from having a great sex life. Howard, all the other things you have mentioned, over the years, I have tried to do various things similar to these. He just doesn't seem to respond. It has sometimes dissapointed me so damn much. There was a real rough patch when our kids were young that I seriously wanted to leave him, but, with two small children that was not so easy. In all other regards, he has been a great husband, companion, friend, and father and that always kept me from just up and leaving, and finding somebody else. I love sex, but, it's not the only ingredient in a good relationship. I remember once, this was several years ago, I was trying then to spice up our sex life, it was ongoing and often, but bland. I used to pack a lunch for him to take to work. I made him two sandwiches like I always did. But on the first one, the one he would take out of the bag first, I put a pair of my lacy g string panties on it with lettuce, mayo, tucked all in the bread real nice so they didn't show from the outside. He gets in the workplace lunchroom, takes out his sandwich, not really paying attention, takes a big bite, and out comes my g string. :^) Of course, he got the envy of all men there, and razed about it daily for quite awhile. But you know what, he didn't even want to make love that night when he came home. It was a little crushing and that sort of rejection is hard on the ego. I have called him at work, and very graphically told him what all I wanted to do when he got home that night. I have sent him sexy emails and left cards around just for him. I did hand make him a coupon book once, for his birthday, full of naughty coupons to redeem. Again, several years ago. He still has it. He kept it, a keepsake, but never used it, never made a game of it. There have been other occasions as well, and after several of these kind of rejections, it makes you not want to try anything else and give up. I know he enjoys sex, I know he thinks about it, but for some reason, he finds it all a bit embarrassing and he represses his urges. And along with it, mine too, LoL. I think your suggestions are wonderful and I would be game for any or all of them! Getting him to agree would be the thing. If I jumped in the shower he would tell me he needed to hurry up and get ready for work. LoL Maybe after he is more on the road to seeing that it's OK to have some fun, then your suggestions would be superb! I am keeping your post as I am the one from the other moderator, and I hope one day I will be able to do some of the things you suggested! Thanks a bunch for your time and advice! PS I am just rereading your post. The first time around I missed the part about morning sex. Interesting. I didn't know that about men. Wonderful to have a man tell me that. Now that is something I think maybe we could manage, morning sex, and a good way to maybe jump start things. Ok, I'm gonna try that first, LoL!

Tyger, wow. I have read your post twice and still digesting it all. I am copying and pasting your post to a document and saving it so I can read it more slowly again anytime.You are good!! LoL No, I don't have any sex toys, but I am thinking of getting some. Not for me, but for us BOTH to have fun with. I would not want to replace him with toys, you are right, they would be to enhance our sex and have fun with. It just seems kinda empty, you know what I mean? It's not so much the orgasms I crave, it's the intimacy with HIM. OH, by the way, we have discussed getting some toys at times, in a kidding playing manner. See, if there are to be any toys, he would never order them or visit a store. He would go along with it I think once I had them, but I would have to be the one to get them. And the only problem I have with that is, it makes me feel a bit whorish, as I would be the one to have to tell him what to do with them and so on; Where as, I think it would be fun if we both donned a pair of sunglasses and hit our local sex shop, together, LoL. "How cruel nature is to make a man's sex drive at it's peak at around the age of 18, and a woman's in her early 40's!! But there ya have it." You are so right about that! But yet, others seem to find ways around it, and somehow I am too. I will continue trying, when the opportunity presents itself, without being overtly pushy, to get him to discuss this with his Dr. Meanwhile, I am going to try some of your other suggestions, and, I will get back with you in a little while and let you know how things are working out. Your advice is right on the money, thank you so very much, and I do feel a bit of hope now, I was feeling so lousy when I posted my first message. Thanks again!

I just found this forum today. I have read a lot of questions and answers and like how the moderators answer the posts. Moderators, you have a lot of good advice for people, sure hope you can help me. My husband & I have been married for 23 yrs and we are in our 40's. We are both in good shape, attractive, not overweight, and no major medical problems, neither of us take any prescription or over the counter medications on a daily basis. We get along well, and I am not aware of any problems in our relationship that would cause sex issues. This has kinda been an ongoing thing throughout our marriage, but now that we are a bit older, I am going through meno-pause and it has come more to the forefront. I am revving up, feel freed from the demands of taking care of children, the home, etc. I would like to really spice up our sex life, I would like to have sex more often, and be more adventuresome. I would like it to be a priority with us to make it the best it can be. Our sex life has been ok over the years but sometimes a bit boring, other times, just great, it's had its ups and downs as most everyone's has who are involved on a long term basis, sometimes he has been the one with the stronger desire, and sometimes it was me with the stronger desire. At this stage, it is me. I guess it's partly meno-pause & hormones, but I am wanting to do it more than I ever did, and more often than I ever did! I want to try new things, and have FUN with it! Do all those things we thought about when younger, but couldn't because of kids, money, lack of time or whatever. Anyway, my husband is going in the opposite direction. This has become a big issue between us. I think I am going to go insane sometimes if we don't have sex more often. The more I want to, the more he backs away. We did have a good heart to heart talk last week, and he says it's not because he doesn't desire to, it's because he is afraid of failing. He has always had a bit of an issue with fear of failing, in actuality, I can only remember two times in all the years we have been married that he was unable to perform. And I hate calling it that- perform. It's not a performance. Also, aging is playing a part in his mind. "He is not the guy he was at 20 or 30". It doesn't just jump to attention at the mere thought of sex as it once did, and so on. I have told him this is totally normal for someone his age, and have tried my best to convince him I don't expect him to be 20 or 30 again, I'm not either (actually I am better now, LoL) When we do have sex, I am loving, and make sure to give him as much stimulation as he wants or needs by hand or orally, whatever he prefers at the time. I have tried to be sympathetic, understanding and loving about the whole thing. Also the issue of, when we do have an encounter, it's tense, mechanical, and he is not wanting to try anything new or different. It's like......hurry, I want to get this over with before it fails......I usually do have an orgasm, he does try to do that, and he usually succeeds because it is very easy for me to have an orgasm nowadays......I know he is stressed a lot from work, and he does seem to have trouble dealing with stress sometimes. I have asked him repeatedly to see his dr. and talk it over with him, and he keeps saying he will, but he never does. I have told him, there are medications that can help, and so on, but he feels medications do not get rid of the problem, they only manage the symptoms. I am getting very fed up with this situation, and I don't know what to do. I do love him, I don't want a divorce or anything of the sort. I would never cheat. What can I possibly do to improve this situation, or how can I convince him to make it a priority to do something? I have told him how much it means to me, and he does know how I feel. I can't tell you how low this makes me feel. I read so many postings from men who are frustrated because their wives are not interested or boring. Here I am just the opposite, and it is doubly hard because I am getting a little older too. Women start seeing little signs of aging in their appearance & thinking about a nip or tuck here and there, menopause starts, and as if that weren't enough, now this. Blast it all.