fearful1

hi mikayla, thank you for your words of wisdom! i do not think i was clear in something i said earlier, so i wanted to clear this up really quick.... me being with the other woman was completely previously discussed and approved of by my bf...this is something that i would have never considered doing if it were not for him and something that he would enjoy...so yes, all was approved and ok'd beforehand...ABSOLUTELY!!! this is something that my bf has wanted for some time, we have been together for a few years, and have discussed doing this on many occasions. before my bf, i had never really thought about acting any of these fantasies out, so he has opened me up quite a bit to exploring other things with each other and i think that is great...still new...but great that we are able to communicate like that with each other and be so open...i think you get what i am trying to say (i hope). we recently went over what i would and would not be ok with...what i am not ok with is not open for discussion and he is aware of that. all of this is really on my terms; i pick when, who, how, where...etc... he will never pick the other girl or try to initiate anything. he wants it to all be on me so i do not feel pressured at all and i am comfortable with what is going on and such. we are exploring this idea for the experience and the openness it creates between him and i... we are not looking to do this to add someone to our relationship on a consistent basis or anything like that...so him becoming obsessed with the other woman is not so much of a concern of mine...for the most part. i understand why we would be doing this and as long as i remember that, then i am ok...the thing that gets to me sometimes is when my insecurity kicks in; however shortlived, there is a small piece that comes back in now and then. i am sure things will change once we get married and have kids... what seems to be fun and exciting now becomes less important when new beautiful beings have been added to the family...so this is not something that i am planning on doing on a regular basis and well into my future marriage. so this is where i am at with this whole thing right now...do you think i am crazy or are you finding that this is becoming pretty normal? thank you for your help and your insight. fearful1

hi frosty, thank you for replying to me. my situation applies when you say it is not really about you being with 2 women, it is more about your wife with another woman and you are there to do what they want...my situation is about the same. we have talked extensively about this and what i would be ok with him doing and not doing, this way we would both be on the same page beforehand so during it all, no surprises would come about. my boyfriend would never do anything to hurt me or our relationship and that has been made quite clear. he does not have anyone picked out and is not looking; it is all up to me and on my terms. our reason for doing this has also been discussed thoroughly with each other. we have a tremendous amount of respect for one another and would never cross those lines. we communicate extremely well and have never once argued, so we are able to fully open ourselves to each other and let the other know exactly what we are thinking and what is going on. this comforts me in regards to this situation; i just need to work on getting over the fear, which could be anticipation and the unknown all wrapped up together. i am not doing this tomorrow or going to rush into it at all, but it is something i think about and ponder. if you have any other insight, i am definitely all ears!!! thank you so, so much!!

Hello, So here is what I am faced with... my wonderful boyfriend, and hopefully one day husband, has expressed his desire for us to bring a girl home and have a threesome. We have had several talks about this in regards to why and how it could be good for our relationship, while at the same time, I have expressed my concerns...and here they are. I am terrified of being cheated on and/or left for the other girl if we were to do this. In every other realm to our relationship, I am pretty secure; however, fear overtakes me when it comes to infidelity. I am not concerned about being with another woman. I have done it one time before and I was completely comfortable with all of it. When I was with the girl, my boyfriend watched via the computer while he was out of town and I was ok with that and worry-free. When I think of us having a threesome, I am comfortable with the whole idea when it is just him touching me and him having sex with me, while I am also with her. I am not totally sold on the idea of being ok with him having sex with her and that is where my dilemma comes into play; how do I become ok with that? Is it all a security issue that I need to get over and just have the confidence in myself and in our relationship? I am stuck and do not know what to do. Part of me says to try it and go from there; I may love it and all this fear may really be for nothing, but what if...what if I can not get over the fact that I allowed my boyfriend to be with another woman? Will that effect our relationship and potentially damage it? Am I overthinking all of this, rather than just going with it and seeing what happens? The kicker to all of this is that girl on girl really turns me on and I would prefer a FFM threesome over a MMF threesome, but do I keep it as a fantasy and if I act it out, is it ok to do it with someone I am head over heels in love with and plan on spending the rest of my life with??? So there you have it... this is what I battle in my brain all the time. Any advice that you have to offer would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time and your help!!! Fearful1