45yovirgin

We just celebrated our 25th anniversary but for the last year his mother has been in our marriage, ever since she was widowed. He thinks I should be helping her more and supporting him more. I think I'm being treated like wife #2 and she's always #1. Enter a little innocent e-mailing with a college boyfriend (also married) from 27 years ago. Innocent got boring so we kicked it up to e-mail sex, then phone sex, then we've met twice and done everything except penetration. He's taught me new positions, spanking, dirty talk, BJ's, handcuffs and vibes. Some of these things I've taken into my marriage and my husband is pleased about half the time and annoyed that I'm horny again the other half. I've always been a flirt. I love attention from guys anywhere anytime. I purposely wear low cut tops and emphasize my eyes and both tactics work well. I'm such a good girl for so many years that NO ONE would ever suspect how bad I've become and I have no one to be honest with. My "boyfriend" is paranoid that we'll be found out so we've cooled off and live many hours away so a meet-up is rare. So he became my "gateway drug"--like now that I've tried him without guilt, what else can I try? Well at a business trip, I did some heavy petting with one guy and a couple hours of no-penetration sex with another long-time business associate. When I got home, I flirted at a sports bar and a sexy, married guy gave me his hotel key. I went there and had the best pussy-sucking I've ever felt. Husband won't go down there. We went all the way but it was apparently a one-night-stand. Too bad, he was hot. I love sex, flirting and a hard cock. I want more and can't get it at home and when I do, it's boring or interrupted by his mom. Am I the only woman like me? The only one who wants something on the side? How long can I keep this up? Is a condom really enough protection, I don't want to bring home an STD? EDIT: Ok, yeah so I'm cheating, having an affair. I'm not denying that. In fact I believe that an emotional affair is just as damaging to a marriage. And my husband is only about his mom's emotions for the last year since she moved in. I've done everything to get her to move out but she's so damn content and chicken. And husband won't just go rent an apartment and move her. Everyone's done something wrong, knowing it's wrong but done it anyway. Maybe you cheat on taxes, or accept the wrong change from a cashier or speed. You do it without guilt because you justify it somewhere in your brain. My old boyfriend called and convinced me to not mess around with strangers anymore--diseases, trust, etc. I'll accept that. I know that's dumb. We've talked about counseling, a few months ago when I was merely suicidal, not sex-hungry (only half jokingly), now I'm thinking that counseling is worthless until after we get MIL kicked out.