NEBAMartinez

Hi everyone I'm new here, Sorry for the short intro on myself, but I felt compelled to throw in my experience as I can relate to this posting. Love Dr 90210: Bro, I know what your going through, I've been there... A little history about my marriage... High school sweethearts, 15 years together, kids, and 7 yrs of marriage and no cheating on either persons behalf until... and the love of my life cheated on me twice nearly in the same month (one was an affair--an attempt of gaining attention... the other was a one-night stand--she made a poor decision and drank too much; not to mention our relationship was in need of work... All in all, I nearly lost it if you know what I mean (I was depressed, suicidal and not functioning properly on any level). Moreover, during the course of our fighting... out of jealously and anger I attempted to have a one-night stand but couldn't bring myself to go through with it. Of course, after that our relationship got worse...(go figure) However, after some time and I do mean T I M E and some heart-to-heart talks (many of them) we rebuilt our relationship. Today, our love and trust for one another is stronger than ever. As mentioned in another reply to your post, I can relate to what was written about how I loved her before and had to honestly ask myself if I loved her for who she was after. For us, we fell in love with each other all over again. I still love who she was and I love her now even with her flaws and imperfections. Further, what me and my wife have been through was very hard and at a few instances we were very close to giving up (if both of you truly love each other than hang in there). Thankfully, we held on to our love for one another and our love/trust has flourished in the aftermath. On another note, I can relate to the being turned on by her being involved with other men... I know it sounds confusing because it is. At first, when she initially disclosed what she did I was devastated and wanted to kill the other two men... No seriously I was thinking of ways of "offing them." (because I felt that they had caused me such pain and suffering...) Today, (thankfully) I laugh about such thoughts and thank God that I did not act on the heat of the moment "feelings." Anyway, I somehow rewired my negative thoughts about her being involved with the other men and turned jealously into interest... I do believe that it may be beneficial if you can turn resentment or other negative thoughts/feelings into positive thoughts. For me, I felt that I was consumed by jealously in the beginning. Further, as mentioned by others on this topic, I believe there is a difference from fantasizing about your wife being with another man and actually seeing her with one. Love Dr 90210: I know I'm no expert and such but if you need an experienced ear than please don't hesitate to ask for any insight... (that is if you want any advice from me). Hope my writing finds you well, N