Becoming

In my last post I openly confessed to cheating on my fiance. Well since then my fiance and I have parted ways Although it is quite sad it was for the best. As for my relationship with the other guy we are still together. We are on our second week of having sex 3 times in one week. It is so amazing...I never knew I could enjoy sex so much and that having someone who desires me as much as I desire them can really make a difference. I know that Howard mentioned that I didn't say much about the other guy so here it goes...he is 44 and has been divorced for 4 years. What I like about him is that he is easy to talk to and that I can be myself and I am comfortable when I am with him as for sex he takes his time with me and most importantly ensures that I am satisfied and lets me control (since I've discovered that I like to be in control) For those of you who don't know I am 29....Howard I have to give it to this guy he sure knows what he's doing when it comes to sex...he drives me up the wall. He says that I am a very sexual person and that its an adjustment for him...ME SEXUAL...GOT TO BE KIDDING RIGHT!!! A guy telling me that I'm sexual...who would have ever thought I'd be seen as sexual...but its good to know that someone thinks I am. There is so much that I have realized having been with him. I no longer feel that something is wrong with me (sexually) as my ex had suggested and I am more open to sex than before. GOSH IT FEELS SO GOOD NOT HAVING TO HEAR CRITICISMS ANYMORE As far as were this relationship is going...right now we are enjoying each other's company and will just see what happens. We went on our first date last weekend and spent the night together...he is aware that my fiance and I have parted and having him in my life right now is helping me through the healing process.

I thought maybe I would give everyone an update on my dilemna I had a month ago regarding "the other man..." but before I go on I want to say thanks to Howard for his post in which he suggested that I asked the guy out to lunch and dump the fiance...I did not ask him to lunch but inside I spiced up my wardrobe for work so that he will notice me and he did. As for the fiance he is still around...so yes I am cheating on him and you know what it is the best thing that I have ever done. I had my first phone sex experience with the other man which led to a night of pleasure in the back seat of his car...to sex not one day or 2 days but three days in a week...Oh my gosh I never knew I could have that much sex in a week. Its great to have someone who desires you as much as you desire them...

Just to answer a few of your questions, my fiance's addiction to internet pornography is not a result of my lack of interest, when I met him he had tons of pornography videos and recently has found interest on the internet. I know that I have my lack of interest goes on and off and I'm working on that but like I said as I am my fiance has pretty much sign off on any changes when it comes to sex. His idea of sex is that of the porn and I read an article on here about the Big No No for both men and women when it comes to sex... About my fantasy man, he is a fantasy and I love the feelings I get when I see him, I don't believe my fiance lust after me since he's so into internet pornography, I've asked him about what he watches but like I said he's pretty much sign off on any of my interest when it comes to sex. The man at my job is my fantasy and I am well aware of office policies when it comes to relationships on the job

I am currently engage but sex is not all that great in my relationship. My fiance thinks that I am not sexual enough (but I think I am) he thinks we have a problem with sex ( I don't) Since my last post (about 2-3 months) things have not really improved, the last time we had sex was about a 1 1/2 month. We do not live together (just in case you are wondering) He's really into internet pornography. The reason I am writing is because there's a man at my job that I have found myself fantasizing about sexually. Everytime I see him I get aroused and horny-and my panties get wet. We do talk so he knows I'm there----but there are other women he has hit on execpt me...no one knows about my secret desire for him so I figure I'll start here....I know that I am in a relationship but my fiance seems to think that since I don't like to have sex that cheating is the last thing I would do---but guess what I want to cheat...I'm not saying that I haven't before but this man...oh man the things he does to me is mind blowing....we've talked and today and yesterday he came by my desk to talk. Last night I even read one of the articles on this site on "how to get your co-worker to notice you" Yep, I did.... I have been with my fiance for 4 years now and never have I felt this way about him or desired him as much as I desire to be with this man---I believe the reasoning behind all of this is that my fiance has criticize me so much when it comes to sex that there's no hope for me---he already told me that even if something dramatically happen to me---he wouldn't believe it. So what should I do??? I know that there's a lot to lose but I have needs too...he's getting his from the internet and poor me has to wait until my fiance is ready...

Is it normal for men (40 and up) to have sexual fantasies about being with a young girl (lolitas)? I recently found out that my finace is subscribing to pornographic sites about young lolitas. Should I be concern????

Hi Everyone, I appreciate all your comments regarding my situation and for being open with me. I will attempt to answer each of your questions that were presented in your responses. First let me surprise everyone by saying, my fiance and I do not live together (his recommendation), we see each other 2 days out of the week and every other weekend. The every other weekend was his suggestions after I complained that it seems that he is the only one in the relationship having time to himself. We are currently in premarital counseling and I have to say that so far its helping us (probably not as fast as he would like it). I have had a no holds bar approach in our sessions. Our therapist has given us worksheets to do together (which I have been very resistant to do, only because when I express my feelings or conmunicaute to him-he tends to questions my feelings-which I am not used to) As for his criticism in the bedroom-often times its "we have a sex problem" comment. During the course of our relationship (prior to the engagement) he had an interest in teaching me but I was resistant to it. For example, I didn't know that shaving your partner's genital area could be a part of foreplay, it wasn't until I read one of the articles on this site that i realize that's what was happening when he did that to me But I went back to him and shared with him what I learned. When it comes to us initiating sex, I have to say that I have to help him to get erect. I have never had this problem in my past relationship and I expressed that to my fiance. If I just brushed my man at the time, he would have an erection and that is not the case with my fiance. As for oral sex I believe that it is a one way street with him. No blow job No Sex. As I can recall the last time we attempted to have sex he could not get an erection and so he asked if he could perform oral sex on me. In my past relationships, I have to say that I was not interested in pleasing my mate and I have brought that issue in my current relationship and I made the mistake of telling my partner that my disinterest in pleasing a man. I'm not fan of blow job but I made a conscious decision to learn more about it because that's one of the things my fiance likes. The very first time I made him cum by giving him a blow job was a year ago, he praised me like there was no tomorrow but i made the mistake by saying, " i hope you don't expect me to make you cum all the time" after and that was the end of it. I didn't give up though there's been other experiences but nothing like that one a year ago (which he often talks about) I don't remember him ever coming to me hard and horny and want to fuck, it always he performs on me or vice versa. Even if he did have a problem I don't think he would admit it and that is why I believe he points the finger to me when it comes to us having a sex problem. That is why I am taking the intiative and turning things around. "Him not feeling safe" puzzled me just like it did for each of you and here's what he meant after I ask him to explain that comment to me...he feels that I am not putting him first in my life and giving to him the way he has giving to me (unselfishly). I have to say I was very surpise that none of you heard of that excuse before. He can't have any kids (had a vasectomy). He has cheated in his past relationships/marriges (yes I said marriages-this will be his fourth) has sworn to me that he wil not cheat again because its hard for a person to regain another's trust. I have been faithful to him from the time we've been together and have not giving him any indication of my interest to cheat (even though I have thought about it...but I'm not that type of woman) I have spoken his first wife (he arranged), she shed some light into him and when I told what she said to me he was very surprise that she would say such lies about him. I think it is a good idea but sometimes not always good. I never thought of looking at his divorce papers (which I'll have to do-Thanks Howard) We have not set a date as we are working through the bumps before we say "I Do" One more thing my fiance is very open when it comes to us communicating and that is a big plus for me since in my past relationships none of the men I dated like to communicate their feelings. Hopefully this shed more light into my situation.

Hi, I decided to join because I am desperately in need of advice when it comes to sex. I like the site very much and the name suited me quite well. I am very timid when it comes to sex and since this is my last year of being in my 20s' I have to step up on my game.

Hi my name is Becoming, I' ll be 29 years old in 2 days. I am engaged to a wonderful man who is 21 years my senior. We have been together for a total of 4 years (on/off). We are five months into our engagement and things have seem to gone down when it comes to us having sex. During the course of our relationship I wasn't into having sex and now it seems that the roles have reversed. The last time we had sex was about three months ago when I suggested that we buy an adult game. I later found out that I hurt his feelings when I made a comment about, "when is it going to be my turn" and he took that as me being selfish. During the course of our relationship he would tell me that I am the one with the problem when it comes to sex. Since then I am very self conscious when it comes to us having sex. To be honest, I have never felt that way before. Fast forward a month, two months, and now and we still aren't having sex, he told me that he does not feel safe and that is why he is not having sex with me. The last time I wanted to have sex with him, he told me that I need to perform oral sex on him or massage his penis versus rubbing my legs on him, He says I need to learn how to get a man arouse. So I took his suggestion and the next time I massaged his penis to get him hard and after a few mins he tells me to stop but I insisted and that made him mad. Yes, I know I was wrong to continue and I apologize to him but its been a while and I just wanted to be assertive. I've bought books to educate myself a little bit more and now that his birthday is coming up I want to do something special but am scared that the night will turn out like all the other....NOTHING.... Please help!!!!