redjeepgrl

I do trust you Mikayla...that's why I am here! We did discuss him going back to the doctor as well to discuss medication, because I said to him just like you have stated here, it might help to have a success. I did not get upset about the night in the hotel thing because honestly I was not expecting it at all and we had a wonderful time just being together. I find that being here and hearing all of your advice is also helping me to speak to him more calmly and openly like we have not before and I believe that is making him feel more comfortable. I appreciate all of your help and for now I am just relaxing myself and not going to worry about this. I will tell him again that he can use his fingers and I tell him all the time I love his tongue, the man knows how to "work it"...LOL Thank you so much again for all of your help and I will keep you all posted!!! redjeepgrl

Hey 12guage! It is okay that you jumped in, I am glad you did. I welcome any and all advice! He is a little quiet, but not really submissive and I actually asked him that the other night, if he wanted to be dominated...and he said that he did not know?? To which I replied, you really do not know which role you would like to play unless you actually do it I guess... It is a good limb to go out on especially considering he has a job that requires him to be "in charge" all day, he is a police officer, so it would make sense that he would maybe like to be taken control of in that sense, to me at least it does....I think I will conjure something up for tonight when he gets home and see how that goes. Thanks for your imput, I appreciate it!! redjeepgrl

We are pretty open about what we talk about and we did discuss this, wulf...I have never actually done it though. I already have a lot of this stuff here, so I might have to give this a try tonight when he gets home! Thanks!

Hi all, As you all suggested I have been very patient with my hubby about our ED problem. However tonight while showing me some unrelated videos on his laptop, I noticed a few bondage sites in his history at the top of his page. We have discussed this before and I have told him that I am up for that sort of thing and wanting to experiment with it with him. I would be happy to. This just makes me all the more upset because we are not having sex and also went out to a concert last night and stayed overnight in a hotel and he did not even initiate anything. I did not either because I do not want him to be uncomfortable. I do not know what to say to him or do with this new found information and I do not want to fight but I am pretty upset by this. Help! redjeepgrl

I agree Sunday! redjeepgrl

Thank you Mikayla! I will read your article and suggest the masturbation night...that would be fun! I think I will send him to the doctor again, it has been a while since he went and the doctor did say that if it continues to be a problem to let him know and he can prescribe something. I really appreciate this web site and all you and the other moderators do. This is definately something I would not talk to anyone besides my husband about, but I know I can always come here and talk to you all! Thanks, redjeepgrl

Hi Tyger and thanks! He has gone to his doctor and everything is fine physically. We even went for one counseling session...guess a workup is in order there. We talk pretty openly, but I was just concerned because this is the first time I had heard from him about the masturbating and the "focus" thing, but I understand it now. Thanks for your help and I will keep you posted. redjeepgrl

Hi Ladylove, Yes, I do give him handjobs and blowjobs and he does okay with those, keeps his erection and even cums. I have not tried asking him to watch yet, as I just found out about it recently and how frequent it was. We were both pretty surprised to learn that we both do it alone on a regular basis, so maybe that has opened up some discussion at least. I just do not know what the doing it to "focus" before work is all about? This is the first time I am hearing this. redjeepgrl

My husband and I have been married for almost 19 years and he "we"have been having problems with erectile dysfunction for about the past 6 months. He has confessed to me that he masturbates frequently instead of having sex with me. He does not want me to get upset about not being able to keep an erection while we are trying to have sex, which, in the past I have gotten upset and realize now that was not helpful. He explained something about while being in the military years ago that masturbating helped keep focus. I am not quite sure I understand this and was wondering if anyone could enlighten me? He does have a very stressful job as he is a police officer and I was curious about this? Can anyone explain this to me and give some suggestions for helping me get him to "come back" to me? I really do not mind if he masturbates, I do too, but I would like to have sexual intercourse more often than we are and would like to help with this erectile dysfunction if I can. Thank you in advance for any suggestions and or thoughts. redjeepgrl

Thank you so much Howard! I appreciate all of the feedback and it sounds to me like I have to slow down and hold my horses...or hold something. ;-) Anyway, I'm just excited as I'm sure everyone here is about something...LOL It makes sense to talk about everything before hand though. I understand that completely. I'm sure my hubby will have much he wants to talk about too. We were trying to talk a little tonight, but the daughter and her boyfriend were having some sort of tiff and running in and out, ugh! I guess I should have brought this up last year while she was moved out for a while... ;-) Oh well, I just did not know a year ago that I would be interested in this. I mean, I thought about it, but actually finally telling my hubby was something else. Thank you for the detailed information and I will keep you all updated on how it is going. Thanks, redjeepgrl

Oh yes, and I did read your article and it was very helpful! Thank you, redjeepgrl

Hi Mikayla, I came back to re-read this and I was wondering...how should we begin? I got together all of my toys that I thought he would like and let him know where they were. Now of course, he has a crazy work week this week, so it will probably not be until the weekend that we can attempt anything. I think to start off with we will probably be involved in some light play. We have not really had time to discuss this yet, but I was wondering as I re-read this...where do we begin and what are some of the varying degrees of BDSM? How long do scenerios take or is that up to the dom? Just have a lot of questions...LOL Anyone else who would like to contribute their thoughts, all thoughts or comments or suggestions are welcome! Thanks a lot, redjeepgrl

Thank you Thurisas, and hello to you too! redjeepgrl

HI everyone, My name is redjeepgrl and I am new here. I am wanting to get some information and this seems to be the place to do it. I'm not really shy about sex or anything else, but I am new to BDSM and I am getting some great information so far. I am 43 years old and have been married for almost 17 years. One daughter 22 at home and other than that a pretty normal homelife. Hope to make some new friends too. Thanks, redjeepgrl

Hi Mikayla, I am really up for anything. I want to learn about this because I feel that it would give us another, new, dimension to our relationship that we both need at this time. I get the feeling that he is more educated about this than I am and I am really not sure how much he knows as we have not had time to start yet, but I am going to follow his lead. I will read your article and then write you back, but I have always fantazied about this as well and would like to have a "real" dom/sub releationship, but I guess I can only take this one step at a time. I thank you so much for your suggestions and instruction and I will keep you posted. Thanks, redjeepgrl