pappyld04
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Posts posted by pappyld04
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Attention Ladies! If ever your boyfriend happens to beat you to an unrecognizable pulp, and the paramedic asks if he has ever struck you before, the proper answer should never be, "Well yeah, but not this bad."
No, the proper answer is, "No, this was the first and last time. The cops are still photographing his body in the other room, but still, mind where you step. My Glock throws brass a long ways, and some of the empties might have made it into here."
Remember, the recidivism rate for freshly ventilated girlfriend beaters is zero.
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Welcome to the forum!
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Glad you're back, and isn't it nice to be missed?!?!
Thanks MsLayD! That is the best feeling I know!
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Welcome back from the darkness
This is the light not the darkness!
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I know we have had this discussion before but the actual thread eludes me. I will post the link when I find it again!
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I have always said that marriage is the number 1 cause of divorce and this post just supports this! ANY partner who thinks that the preacher man is an excuse to show their other side is a joke of a person! I don't care about the sex of the person. Too many people playing games with their prospective mates!!!!! When the game changes, so do the rules! I hope your friend finds a great partner who will appreciate and love him!
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Sorry folks. I had left my tower on one night and a power surge took my OS out! It took a minue to sort through everything and find the right disc to get back up and running!
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More of a rave than a rant, one that had me thinking about it for days, but probably will so much as pass through one ear and out the other for anyone else.
We got a Christy's Toybox here, its our sextoy store, and small I suppose, but there is a selection and I utilize it greatly. Over the past five years I have been going there once every four or so months, but in the past year their staff has changed several times, and no one of the old crew I knew for a few years is still there. I recently went in there, and was carded (I do appear to be 16 or so, maybe yall need a picture to see this miracle of life?), had me laughing, sparked up conversation with the clerk and told her how much the place has changed over time and what toys they used to have and what seems cool about the new stuff. She said "oh you must be a regular! How long have you been coming here?" I talked to her about it for a bit. But anyways, a regular at the toy store, interesting... a regular...
Another small side story, early this year I was in the store buying one of my first cyberskin dildos along with some lube and other stuff, when one of my female coworkers from cosmetics came in, lmfao it was wonderful. Gave me this, "Kyle... what are you doing here" line and I smiled broadly and asked her likewise, embarassed her completely she kept eyeing what I was buying, such fun doing that with the shy ones I know. I think she squealed on me about it at work though... I prefer to be the one who spreads the rumors about myself, not others, easier for me to control them that way.
anyways just had to have storytime with yall is all
AT, my friend, you never control any rumor! You may start it but once it crosses your lips people will misinterpret and/or embellish it to their own whims!
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Motorcycles, even though I've never ridden one, and I'm not really into the type of guys who ride them. Weird huh? And swards and nice knives. Not to cut anyone with, but un-sheathing one and running your hands down the cool metal. Also a guy in a kilt will turn always my head.
I think I just fell in lust with you leia!
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Jees Louise Pappy 10% of $1800 is $180. Ya just move the decimal point over 1 notch. The other prob is harder to figure I need paper 4 that but ballparking it it would be about 3.3-3.5%. Someone needs remedial math.
When I was in 6th or 7th grade I got sent to summer school cuz I was having trouble with story problems and fractions. Well I aced the summer school cuz the kids I was in class with didn't know as much as I did so we never got to where I was having trouble so I got like A's.
I would think your attorney needs BOTH a new secretary AND a billing clerk.
Next time you go back pull out a tape measure and see if they can read that and get the right answer.
This new math must be some tricky shit! My mom taught me that little trick when I was in 3-4 grade! I've always had an easy time with math. That particular girl and the girl doing the billing need to be run off! They are both too ignorant to deal with the public!
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I don't keep up with refineries, but drilling companies are digging postholes every day! IDK how Mr. Tyger puts up with it in his area. I have a lot of friends who work in his area and they move about every week! There are a lot of new pipelines and compressor stations being installed here. My cousin is in charge of one of these. They are constantly adding on!THANX 4 BACKING ME on this WW. And to a lesser degree Pappy as well.I didn't expect much from the non smokers here and I was proven right on that count.
On the other hand Pappy once again was able to see through the lines and see things for what they really are and that is an affront to our civil liberties OR LACK THEREOF.
And as long as I'm on a roll I'm with Pappy here.....all you SUV drivers out there in your 8-14MPG sleds pissin' and moanin' about the oil companies huge profits think on this: THERE ARE HUGE OIL DEPOSITS just off the coast of the USA that could be developed BUT NO we have to import our oil from Haji and his buddies in the middle east, WHY??? RAMPANT AND EXTREME ENVIRONMENTALISTS AND THE PUKES in the govt that are in their pockets.
When was the last time a new refinery for making gas, diesel and engine oil was built in this country? Take a wild guess people. I sure as hell don't know but I'd bet I know why it wasn't......ENVIRONMENTALISTS!!! It's not just the shit-fer-brains politicians who are dragging this country down but the asswipe treehuggers who ARE NEVER HAPPY with whatever legislation they can strongarm and SHOVE DOWN OUR THROATS!!!
I'm with WhiskyWoman here once again...WHEN IS THIS CRAP GONNA END?!?!??
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"I'm sorry if this isn't something to address on this site, but I wanted to share a snipbit of my story for anyone out there."
This is an issue that very much belongs here. Top that with the fact that when regulars to this site don't post for a minute we start to worry about them!
Beauty does have many faces and you have it inside and out! Get Better!!
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Synirr, just wait until they are monitoring your sex life and we'll see how your attitude changes! TOKEN BOY is not doing anything in the interest of humanity! Recall his present stand on the protests in Iran and the treatment of their people? Sound familiar to another scenario?
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Both are equally fucked up like polio!
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One less snapperhead in the world! Kids can rest a bit easier now!
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Welcome to the forum!
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Welcome aboard.
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As a firefighter I am for it. Alot of fires are started with cigs, en or unententionally.
Would rather that the US went to flame proof bed matress and furniture like other countries.
Now this is the smarter idea! Good answer archer!
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We have just taken another baby under our wing. Tito, is about a year old, 2lb. Chihauhau, red on the head like a pecker on a poodle, and bit my finger right off the bat! Mama got him for her birthday.
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We are all good people here!
We do try to be docile in many areas here. Sometimes emotions do override our thoughts. (Look at some of my own posts for an example).
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Brandy, people who work and still need help are not the problem. It's the ones who abuse the system, get paid on the side, and carry 3-4 carts to the counter with nothing but shit in them! They are also the ones who have a fat wad of bills in their pocket for the smokes, beer, etc.... REAL EASY TO SPOT! They live in apts. that would cost many of us $4-500mo. yet they pay $10mo. for rent! Their bills are also paid. They move in boy/girlfriends and have nicer cars than working people who neither get , nor seek, any assistance.
Your area may or may not be different. Maybe you haven't seen these people in action. I have and so have many of the rest of us. It is said often that those who are trying and still need help should get it! I have no problem with these people!
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If you're gonna be a bear, be a Grizzly Bear! Opportunity rarely knocks twice! Your FIL sounds like a real stand up kind of a man!
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They had babies they can't afford because they aren't smart.
That is one reason.
No, in a lot of cases they don't even know assistance is available until someone tells them and shows them how to apply.
Those would be the ones who are abusing the system and they are plenty smart.
This is more about them knowing the system is overrun with people who really need the help. They just blend in to the fray!
Like what, crunchy peanut butter instead of smooth?
Stand in the grocery line behind some person or family who has 3-4 carts and most of what they have is JUNK! I've seen it far too often. Catch one of those conversations where they are selling their free ride at 1/2 face value, see if it doesn't restore your faith in people!
If a person can heat something to eat they can damned sure bake a cake.
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Were these people smart enough to have babies they could not afford? Smart enough to apply for assistance? Smart enough to buy new cars with that money? I dont mind a treat, but there are better ways to do it than prepared foods. It doesn't bother me to help those who need it. They are the ones who will try and make that stretch! This is just a FREE RIDE!!!I mostly agree. The biggest problem with government assistance is how to limit help to the lazy and undeserving without punishing those who use assistance the way it is intended to be used. Some people on food stamps work, but make so little they qualify for food stamps. It takes time to hold down a job and cook, make cakes, and raise kids, etc so I'm glad they are able to buy a cake or a treat now and then with the assistance.Some people are on food stamps because they've been too inept at life to plan anything or manage a budget. There are people who are just too dumb to get along on their own. They can't be expected to suddenly become intelligent and responsible when they start getting government assistance. They pissed away their own lives and their own opportunities and they can be expected to piss away the help to. I don't know what to do about these people.
It's the people who are smart and ambitious and use their intelligence to play the system instead of getting a job that piss me off. Fortunately, I think they are a minority of recipients.
A Criminal Mastermind Is Loose!
in Adult Jokes & Stories
Posted
Sumdood: Evil Criminal Mastermind
"So what happened, man?" I ask the guy as I shine a penlight into his eyes, checking his pupillary responses.
"Got hit," mumbles the guy, stating the obvious. With one hand, he's holding the absorbent gauze pad I've given him against the big laceration on the side of his head, as he absentmindedly tugs his shorts up with the other. Not too far up, mind you - just enough to perch precariously on his ass cheeks and still leave about four inches of boxers showing. Scalp wound and abrasions be damned, he has street fashion to consider.
"I meant, what happened exactly," I explain patiently, suppressing the urge to roll my eyes. I palpate the back of his neck. "What did they hit you with, and did you get knocked out?"
"Hell no!" he blurts indignantly, pulling away. He starts getting wound up, because now he has a story to tell. He gestures animatedly to the porch behind him, and to his buddies currently being interviewed by the police. There is a small crowd gathered on the street. "See, I was just sittin' here, kickin' it with my peeps, noamsayne? Mindin' my own, noamsayne? And then..."
...And you were just sitting there with your Bible study group, drinking a wholesome glass of milk and holding your weekly devotional, when all of a sudden and for no reason...
"...and then, I just got jumped, noamsayne? And I di'int do nuthin!"
No doubt there were seven of them, far too many for you and your homies to defeat in a stand-up, fair fight.
"Then, dude just drops the brick and runs off!"
Whoa, just one guy! He must have been a baaaaaaaad ass...
"Did you get a look at this guy?" I ask. "Would you recognize him again?" Immediately, his eyes turn shifty and evasive.
"Nah man, I ain't ever seen dude before," he lies. "He just some dude."
"Sumdood?" I ask with sharpened interest. "You say Sumdood jumped you?"
He's close, I can feel it. I knew it when the hairs stood up on the back of my neck when I got out of the rig. Evil lurks nearby.
"Yeah man," the guy confirms. "Some dude."
"There he is, over there!" the guy's girlfriend says helpfully, pointing toward the crowd, "just standin' over there like he ain't did nuthin'!"
"Shhh, don't point at him!" I hiss, pulling her arm down. "Just be cool, a'ight?"
"Aww girl, that ain't him," the guy says, feigning disgust. "Siddown and shut yo mouf."
"That is him!" she insists. "I seen tha' whole thang!"
"Shut. Yo. Mouf. Woman!" the guy warns through clenched teeth. The girlfriend, chastened, clams up.
He recognizes the guy, he just doesn't want to admit to it. He'll round up his posse and try to exact some street justice as soon as all the cops have gone. But he doesn't know who he's dealing with. All of them together are no match for Sumdood.
I catch Farting Partner's eye and jerk my head toward one of the cops. He nods in understanding, hands me the two-inch tape he's holding, and saunters over to one of the currently unoccupied police officers. Attempting to look casual, I finish taping up the gauze helmet FP has applied to our patient's lacerated cranium.
"What's up?" Officer Friendly asks quizzically as FP steers him over to us.
"Don't look too obvious," I tell him sotto voce, "But the perpetrator is standing over in the crowd. It's Sumdood."
Officer Friendly's eyes narrow, and he casts a surreptitious glance at the crowd. "Which one?" he asks, rolling the toothpick to the other side of his mouth.
"The guy in the wifebeater shirt, baggy black denim shorts, with all the bling."
"And which one of twenty would that be?" Officer Friendly asks, mildly exasperated.
"Sorry," I apologize. "The one second from the left, toward the back. About five-ten, 160 pounds, corn row braids. It's Sumdood, I know it." The girlfriend nods in confirmation.
"Him?" Officer Friendly asks incredulously. "Sheeeeeit, that's just Tyrone. He's a low level crack dealer. I've busted him a couple of times. He's harmless."
"I don't care what his street name is, I'm telling you it's Sumdood!" I insist. "The victim identified him!"
"He doesn't fit Sumdood's description," the cop informs me. "I've got a composite sketch of him in the cruiser. Sumdood is at least six-three, and weighs 235. And he has an Afro. Besides, they just had a sighting of him not five minutes ago, all the way across town, at a drive-by shooting. No way he made it over here that fast."
"You underestimate Sumdood," I inform him sadly, shaking my head.
Oh, little does he understand the nature of Evil. Am I alone able to sense his presence? Will I forever be cursed with the burden of thwarting Sumdood? Oh well, with great power comes great responsibility.
"Sumdood is all around us," I educate the cop. "I have spent lonely years wandering the wilderness in my quest to stop him. It's what I do. Picking up little old ladies who have fallen and can't get up is just my cover."
"Are you okay?" Officer Friendly asks, concerned. "You got a fever or something?"
"Listen to Ambulance Driver," FP says solemnly. "We have seen things that would turn your hair white. Uh, that is, if you had any, I mean. Sumdood possesses powers that - "
"I got this, FP," I say, interrupting my trusty sidekick. "Look, Officer Friendly. This is really beyond your level of experience and training. Sumdood has powers you can't begin to fathom. He's nearly immortal. Our only hope is to capture him when he takes physical form. You get the cuffs on him before he dissolves into smoke, I'll bind him with the Sacred Three Inch Tape, anoint him with saline, and stab him in the heart with a sharpened caduceus made of rosewood. We'll be heroes."
"You guys have lost your fucking minds," the cop replies in disgust. "That guy's name is Tyrone Rockslinger. He's lives over on Lee Street, and he's been locked up in the parish jail for the past six months on possession with intent.
"You poor, deluded man," I sigh tolerantly. "I realize this may sound unbelievable to you. It's almost unbelievable to me too, and I've pursued Sumdood across the sands of time. Consider the fact that every description of Sumdood is different. Think of how Sumdood is often in two places at the same time. Think of how widely varied his modus operandi is. It's obvious we're dealing with a master criminal here, someone with superhuman powers."
"We think he may be the third coming of the AntiChrist," FP pronounces solemnly. "Only way to be sure is to examine his scalp."
"You sure about this?" the cop asks dubiously. "He doesn't seem all that dangerous-looking to me."
"Looks are deceiving, believe me," I warn him. "He is a shapeshifter, able to assume the guise of any being he touches. My guess is that the original Tyrone is stuffed in a trashcan somewhere."
"And you say this Sumdood person is the one responsible for our complainant's injuries?
"Oh, he's responsible for a lot more than that, my friend," FP says darkly. "He towed the iceberg into the shipping lanes, directly into the path of the Titanic. During the sacking of Jerusalem, he was directly respons -"
"He's a bad dude, okay?" I interrupt, casting a warning glance at Farting Partner, "and this is as close as I've been since the Chicago Fire of 1871. We have to act now."
"The Chicago Fire of 1871?" Officer Friendly asks skeptically. "Bullshit. Mrs. O'Leary's cow started that fire, and - "
"There was a cow there, yes," I explain urgently, my patience wearing thin. "There was a cow, and Sumdood was...well, he was trying to...see, he had the cow backed up to this stool and he was standing on it, and...well, I tried to stop him, and in the struggle a lantern got knocked over, okay? Satisfied?"
"But that was over 120 years ago," Officer Friendly protested. "You don't look much older than thirty-five!"
"I am far, far older than I appear," I explain wearily, "but my soul cannot rest until Sumdood has been banished back into the depths. I am trapped on this plane until I have defeated my enemy."
"Who are you?" the cop hissed, eyes bright with curiosity. And fear.
I have to level with this man. I need him.
"I am one of an ancient and secret order of paramedics," I level with him. "Even the mention of our existence is forbidden. We live among you, and always we are watching. We have tracked Sumdood for milennia, seeking ever to thwart him in his quest."
"And what quest is that?"
"The end of civilization as we know it," I say flatly, meeting his gaze. "We managed to stop him when he sabotaged the bilges on the Ark. He released the first rat that started the Black Plague. He started the flu pandemic of 1918 when he sneezed into an all-you-can eat mutton bar in Madrid."
"Ask anybody around here where they bought their methamphetamine, heroin or crack," FP suggests. "What do they all say?"
"Sumdood," Officer Friendly muses thoughtfully.
"And who is the babydaddy of half the unwed teen mothers around here?" I ask.
"Sumdood."
"Sumdood was the second gunman on the grassy knoll," FP informs him.
"He kidnapped the Lindbergh baby, and let poor Bruno Hauptman take the fall for it. He has to be stopped."
"And we're pretty sure he was the source of the faulty intelligence that led us into Iraq," FP furnishes. "We can't let him get away."
"We have to take this fucker down," Officer Friendly says decisively. "He must be stopped."
"Glad you saw it our way, Officer."
"Hey you, Sum - I mean, Tyrone!" Officer Friendly bellows. "Get your ass over here!" FP and I take up flanking positions and don dark sunglasses, hands at the ready.
"Waaaaazzzzaaaap, Officer Friendly?" Sumdood brays as he sidles up. He casts a sidelong glance at me. I smile grimly, poised on the balls of my feet.
I know who you are, scumbag. And soon you'll be mine.
"These EMTs here say you did this," Officer Friendly says curtly, jerking his thumb at our gauze-helmeted patient. "As a matter of fact, they say you're responsible for a lot more. I want some answers."
"Whaa, me?" protests Sumdood, the picture of innocence. "I ain't did nothin'!" He fixes the crowd on the porch with a piercing stare. "Ain't that right?"
"Uh huh," gauze head agrees vacantly. "Musta been somebody else..."
"Ooooh, my bad!" chimes in his girlfriend with a glazed look in her eyes. "Gurlfriend wuz wrong."
"See, Officer Friendly?" Sumdood grins triumphantly. "Just a case of mistaken identity. I can go now, right?"
"You can go now..." drools Officer Friendly as he stares into Sumdood's eyes, slack jawed.
Sumdood throws us a mocking salute and does the pimp limp back into the crowd, fading into nothingness as FP and I stand there, mute in our rage. Sumdood is too strong for us to take on alone.
We were thisclose, people. Just a pair of handcuffs away from capturing the greatest threat to human health since AIDS or the Anopheles mosquito, and we missed our chance. But I'm still on the job, and I'll never quit until I run Sumdood to ground.
But until then, Sumdood is still out there. And he's only getting stronger.