We've been married about 8 years, together for 14+. We were each other's first. I have made mistakes. When we started, he didn't bring me to orgasm with sex and I didn't want him to feel bad, so I faked. Unfortunately, I've never really learned to orgasm with sex alone as result. I have had orgasms during intercourse, but honestly, it's maybe 2 times a year at best. I got vocal after we had kids, telling him I needed him to pay more attention to my clit, that I couldn't orgasm strictly through penetration, but it was lost on him. Foreplay is like 2 minutes to him, then about 5 minutes of him pumping away and then we're done. So even if I try to get myself to orgasm, there's no freakin' time to get myself to a place i can orgasm. He refuses to bring a vibrator/bullet into the bed with us. He used to go down on me, but doesn't anymore. Personally, I think I taste yummy, so it's not like an odor issue. We've never really been on the same wavelength with frequency. I could go several times daily, he's happy with once every 2 weeks (if that). I've gotten more and more frustrated and feel this is just not healthy to our relationship. We literally went 2 months without sex this summer. Do you try to initiate, I'm sure you're wondering. Yep. Prime example. Friday night, we were laying on the couch together. I took off my shirt, so all I had on was PJ bottoms. snuggled up close. Nothing. So I reach around to start to play with him and he tells me he's watching tv. WATCHING TV????? I had felt this was about me for so long, that I was doing something wrong or I wasn't giving him something. this can't be about me. I will do just about anything sexually and this man just isn't interested. He is into internet porn. I'd worry, but it's mostly all about breastfeeding lesbians He does have the fantasy of a 3-some and I'm still nursing (hence the breastfeeding). So I know he's interested, but WTF??? I'm certainly not going to partake in a 3-some with the current state of affairs. Plus not to be rude, if he can't take care of me, how's he going to with another woman? We do have 2 small children, work full time and go to school. I know we have a lot on our plates. But I also feel it's really important for us to connect on this level. I looked into marriage counseling, but the insurance doesn't cover it and we sincerely don't have the $ to pay out of pocket until after the 1st of the year. But after Friday's nights fiasco (and the fact he hasn't tried anything since) I don't know that I can wait that long. I feel I'm rambling, but you get the general idea. ETA: We were discussing all of this the other day and I brought up the not being able to orgasm thing and his response was, "Well, I can't help you with that." HUH??? what do you mean you can't help me with that? when we have these talks, I'm not mean, rude or anything. I'm just at a loss here folks.