[Every Woman Should Own Atleast One!]

I have to say that I have a different view of porn than most that I have read here. I think you have to be careful that it doesn't become an addiction. This is a very real epidemic!!! Which is the case is some individuals. I do not think anyone NEEDS to have it. I think you can be more than satisfied with just each other. Porn can complicate a relationship and bring up all kinds of insecurities. There is also the issue of objectifying women. In some it can also lead to acting out and infidelity. (I know this from experience ) I do know some couples who watch together and enjoy it. I guess if you are in a relationship where you enjoy it together and it is something that doesn't creep into your everyday life it's OK. My personal experience is that I do find it very erotic, arousing etc but I rarely view any because I have a lot of resentment toward it. NO judgment to all of you who love it though!!! Sorry to be a downer. I am not a prude or anything TRUST ME! I just have been through a lot.

[Issues]

Hi there, You responded to me now I am doing the same. I have to say I probably can relate to your wife (and Vanilla Bean) I was also in a similar situation for most of my early 20's. I have wicked (yeah I'm from MA) low self esteem and it is really hard for me to take compliments. I used to have a hard time reaching orgasm as well. My husband recently has been literally sitting me down and telling me everything he loves about me. It helps and is something that has helped me lose my inhibitions. You have been married for 10 years so she must trust you. See if you can get her to let her guard down, a couple glasses of wine maybe if she likes that or whatever else you may enjoy . Try seducing her. make a whole day of it. Start in the morning with a love note or maybe some sexy emails about how you have been thinking about her. It is her self image that is holding her back. She can't let go because she is afraid or embarrassed. If you can make her feel like the most desired most beautiful woman in the world things could change. Just be PATIENT and keep trying. I was sort of the same way about oral. If he tried to go down, most of the time, I would stop him and be like "oh no honey it's OK" but one time he didn't listen, he pushed my hands away and he went down and did not come up until I really had the greatest orgasm. I swear since then things have been different. even made me want to head "south" myself! LOL Just tell her how much you want her etc. It's hard if you aren't used to talking about this stuff but little by little you will get there. Thank you BTW for your reply on my post. Our marriage has been for the most part great but believe me it is not perfect! Have you considered counseling? Scary I know but for some people it really helps.

Hello there. I hope I can get some ideas out of you folks. I feel kind of "naked" writing about personal things here.

My wife comes from a very conservative background. Feminum sexuality is non-existant in her background, thats how I see it anyway. Married for 10 years, she never had an orgasm until recently. I bought her a vibrator and basically had to tell her "go play with yourself." Eventually she did, and has had orgasms since then using the vibrator. She does not "like" being kissed anywhere. Going down on me is not something she likes to do, and at best she'll be there for 30 seconds and think she's done. She does not want me to go down on her. I really can not understand this, I am dying to give her pleasure. I am also dying for her to want to give me pleasure. Anyway, problems are not as easy to talk about as the weather, and I kind of leave it be. But my behaviour gives my frustrations away, to the point were I become uncontrollably depressed. I'll be lieing in bed thinking...10 years and no BJ's, 10 years no "passionate sex" and the thoughts keep coming and that is the end of my sleep and the start of a day or two of misery. I am actually ashamed that I can not control this depression that comes up this way.

So, my idea to "fix" this is to buy her toys. I bought several, among them things that we can use together. I hope that over time she will learn her own sexuality and thereby be more interested in being pleasured and also pleasureing me. Can this solve our dilemma? I find it very hard to talk to her about this, it makes her feel inadequeate and she becomes hurt, which is not what I want. She is more than perfect in every other aspect of her being.

[Hello!]

HELLO! My first post... I am a married mom of 3 little ones having the best sex of my life, I didn't think it was possible but it is all happening so fast now. I experienced G-spot and multiple orgasms for the first time recently. When I was younger I always had difficulty reaching orgasm. I was insecure and thought I was dysfunctional. I definitely am a believer of women peaking in their thirties. All of our married friends think we are freaks. Most of them have sex between 1-4X per month while we are always between 3-5X per WEEK (and even more sometimes)!!! We don't really use toys much but not opposed to them. I am just looking for new ideas and people who I can relate with.