Shoop
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Posts posted by Shoop
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Why doesn't she just take real initiative? Like for instance, she bought the clamps, but instead of just mentioning them, why doesn't she just take them out and use them? It's not like she need his approval.
I mean, of course, it's nicer to have him WANT something more wild, but sometimes you have to get the ball rolling yourself before you can ask someone else to join in.
good question...I asked her that but I forget her response,except for the part where she said she didn't want to do that..I forget why...but she's not shy...
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thanks! Well we've still only done it those 2 times. I'm a bit nervous and uneasy still...so I basically wait for him to bring it up...and then I'll do it...I'm not quite at the "me suggesting" it time in our relationship!
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Hell, at 8 months the infatuation stage is still going strong... evolutionarily we are pair-bonding, but really only for a single breeding season. Our bodies are hardwired to produce those feel-good hormones when we first enter a relationship... you know, the ones that make you feel like all is right with the world and your significant other has no faults and is definitely The One. After a year or so, when you'd have had time to mate, carry a child, and care for it as a couple for the first few months of its life, those hormones start to slack off. Ever wonder why a lot of relationships start to go downhill after the first year? That's why.
It's really unwise to make any solid future plans so early in a relationship, IMO... no matter what you think you know about the situation, you don't have much control over your body, and your opinion can completely change once your hormonal high wears off.
I know...I know...but it's her life...I hope it lasts for them, he is a really nice guy....and good to her...
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Only been together 8 months and already trying to have a baby? That seems unwise....
Hell, I'm not sure I'd even consider marriage until I'd been with someone at least 2 years, and technically there's a way out of that if things don't work out. A child is forever.
I hear ya. However she's 35 and is in love with him and I think she figures that it's her chance to have a baby. Plus she really does love him....
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Another great idea! I had seriously forgotten that people did this (ha ha, but I'm serious) and after reading it here I suggested it to my BF and he said he'd like love to try it. So we did and it was fun! ONLY problem was I FORGOT the flavored lube part and used regular (yuck) so we had to wipe it off...But either way, it was fun!
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Shoop,
Go down on him, and while you're licking his balls, grab his hand and put it on his cock. He'll get the idea (and in my opinion it's a HUGE turn on!)
GUESS WHAT? I finally got him to do it! Basically after we'd had a few drinks he took his pants off and somehow we ended up talking, me coyly asking him "how do you get that hard?" and him (I could see his mind ticking, trying to figure out if I REALLY wanted him to touch him self for real or if it was "just a question", yk? And he did a few quick movements and said "like this" and I held out, saying "no, I didn't quite get that...how do you do it again?"...very coyly, while I 'pretended' to have my hands busy with something else so I could possibly touch him, but keeping my eyes on him every second....anyways, that went on for a while and then I took over.
I think we'll need to do it again, but longer...but thsi time was certainly a "good start"! A very good start!-
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DING DING DING!!!! It sounds like this may have a LOT to do with it. I don't know how old thier relationship its (io'm assuming it's established) and so he might just be getting out of the "oh god i can't scare her off" sexual phase and suddenly he's in the "making a baby" kind of sex
ha, good theory, although I don't think in this case it's right. They've only been together 8 months (living together for two) and the sex has been the SAME the entire time...
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Forgot to ask. What does she mean by wild? A little BDSM? Side order of anal? Playing acting seeing teacher after class? Or does she just want him to get in tune with her body? If she doesn't tell him how can he fix.
different positions would be huge..of course has a penis kink...ever heard of that? Meaning it is hard but near the base if she moves a certain way it "breaks" and slides out (like bends out). So he says he can't DO certain positions.
SHE introduced him to anal, he was wayyyy against it but he did it and like it the one time they did it.
I think she wants him to initiate more. She always initiates.
Um...she wants to use toys...
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Oh and AD you are so beautiful and you guys have such a good connection....I can understand the worry of course (because I have it too) however after so many years, you guys are still so cute. If that makes sense. Meaning I think he's a man and men like porn. Period. We hate it, but that's the truth.
Now give me a speech because I need one too. LOL.
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sunflower - Oh good! I'm glad I got my point across - it's difficult to explain!
Synirr - thank you for that. SG are definitely my SO's type. And I see why - they're attractive girls, and they don't LOOK fake. (He's not into fake boobs or twig-skinny...thankfully, since I SOOO don't fit the bill!) But it's nice to hear that they, too, are subject to airbrushing to look THAT good!
sg's are airbrushed? Silly me, I had no idea!
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Here's another take on it.....Just because he's slept with hookers and strippers doesn't mean he WAS a wild man.....it's entirely possible that he just plain sucks in bed no matter who or how many he's been with! His history might look on the outside like he was the ultimate playboy, but I wonder what the hookers and strippers he's supposedly had have to say about his skills. There are guys (and women too I'm sure) who just never get past the stage of getting off as quick and easy as possible and they assume if they got off the other person is too....they never catch on to the concept of the more each gives, shares, and explores the better it gets for you both and it could be so much more gratifying. She needs to confront him about this for sure now before any more time goes by and see how he truly feels about the situation. If he thinks everything is fine the way it is and he won't even talk about his fantasies (that line about not having any is bull!) and he isn't willing to work on it she needs to hit the road a'running because I don't care how great he is in every other aspect of their life (unless maybe he's rich as Croesus!), she is NOT going to be happy as the years go by.
funny you say that because that is what another (male) friend said.
Well, she told me the other day that she's stick with him no matter what, even if the sex isn't great. However, her mind might change...
And they are not using protection and are 'actively' trying to have a baby.
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Oh, I definitely have self-esteem issues! No denying it! And academically, I don't care that he watches. Academically. But I can't help that I'm still a bit threatened by it. We have an understanding. I know he has it, I know he watches it, and he keeps it out of sight. He doesn't deny it's there, and I don't expect him to, nor do I expect him to not have it. I didn't ask him to keep it out of sight - he just did it because he knows I struggle with this. I know where it is in his apartment, but he keeps it in places where I don't stumble across it. It seems like a silly thing, that this little concession would be enough so it doesn't bug me, but it is, so it's a good compromise for us.
I'm not even threatened that he'll think he can get better sex elsewhere. I know that we have a VERY healthy sexual relationship, and we're REALLY compatible in bed. The self esteem issue is more about me feeling like there is no way I could compete with other women, beauty-wise. It's not anything he says or does that makes me think this - it's my own issue.
We've had the discussion (and it's one we won't have again - it's not something that can be solved - we've just agreed to let this one go). He says that it's not about fantasizing about being with another woman - it's a pure visual thing around curves. He doesn't even watch a lot of video-porn - he's more into Suicide Girls style cheesecake shots. He just likes to look at beautiful women. And maybe that's part of it - that it's not the sex as much as it is the physical beauty and curves. So I worry that maybe I'm not exactly what he wants.
Again, I know it's natural - I know it's just the way men are wired. And I accept it - but that doesn't mean I like it!
I know what you mean. I've found porn on my SO's computer (I may have told you A.D) with women who are much much heavier than I am. He said he likes to look at variety and that porn is his variety. My friend that I pm'd you about today has the same problem with her boyfriend. She was complaining about that to me on the phone yesterday!
I try to generally just not come across it either. I don't know why, when I find a dvd in his dvd player it feels like a knife going through my heart. So I avoid. A.D, we are together on this one!
Oh and I meant to tell you, I showed one of the pics of us taken the other night when we went out to a male friend of mine and he noticed you RIGHT away (he's not slimy, he's a very nice guy, married, but very nice) and said you were very attractive. I thought that was a nice compliment! He said you looked very beautiful.
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Ok, I have a friend with a question.
She's been dating this great guy who treats her SUPER for 8 months. They recently moved in together and she thinks that his "the guy" for her forever (she's 35, hasn't had many serious relationships, but she did have 1 that lasted 15 years+). K, he's told her that he has a less than pristine past, he's slept with strippers (he worked in a club) and hookers. He tells her he is NOT that many anymore. And he is sooo nice and treats her wonderfully.
Here's the thing. Their sex is VERY vanilla. She's not had an orgasm even once in 8 months. She's often the one initiating the sex. He keeps telling her how great he thinks the sex is, and she doesn't believe him because she doesn't think it's great, plus because of his past (bet he didn't have vanilla sex with the strippers, yk?) She's hoping that he's not seeing her through "pure" eyes and since he's doing his "new life" thing. See, my friend has quite a sexual past herself and she wants to be in love AND have a great, exciting sex life!
She's wondering why a man who clearly loves her doesn't want to be wild at all? For example, they've only had sex in their bed at their house (nowhere else), he knows that she's got a few toys but has expressed no interest in using them. She told him that she bought nipple clamps a MONTH ago, and he's not asked her to get them out at all (so she's not been able to use them). She's also told him that she'd do "anything" with him, "anything he wanted" so she thought he'd get the hint, but he doesn't.
She's doesn't want to bring it up with him, in the sense that every time she brings up his past he tells her that he is NOT that man anymore and why does she keep bringing it up? She worries that if he once wanted kinky sexy, that desire will come out in him again and maybe he'll go elsewhere because he's "painted" her with a "pure" brush if that makes sense...
She tried asking him what his fantasies are (she says she's been in more 3-somes than MOST people) BUT he pretty much shut down the talk and said he didn't have any. And he didn't ask her the same question...
Anyways, hope this wasn't too rambly....she says she'll stay with him no matter what because she loves him more than anyone else, ever....but she's hoping that she can fix this "rut" before it gets deeper since it's really quite a new relationship!
I guess her question is WHY would a man not want less vanilla sex if it was offered to him? She's concerned that her boyfriend may have the madonna/whore complex that my ex-h seemingly had!
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Yeah... It's usually me who's too tired if at all! On the occasion that may arise he will accommodate me by using toys etc...
see I have a new attitude with my new relationship (well 2 yrs new). I was sometimes tired with my ex....and then he was tired, and then it all went to shit. I know there were other things involved but still....with my new relationship I'm putting 110% in. I'm rarely too tired for him. I can't really articulate myself right now, but that is the jist.
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I'll admit it - I have a horribly jealous streak. Can't help it.
I know my SO has his stash of mags and porn. And academically, i'm ok with that. I get turned on by porn as well. But I get turned on because I can kind of put myself into the action. But my jealousy flares when I think that my SO might be watching these women and fantasizing that he's doing that to THEM. I'm totally ok with him living out a fantasy world by imagining doing things he wouldn't do, or imagining doing them with me, or just faceless nameless fantasy. I'm ok with him being turned on just because it's a naked woman, and naked women are pretty. But him imagining him doing...whatever...to another woman? That eats at me.
So what is really going through a man's head when he watches porn?
This is a scary scary question A.D.
But an interesting one.
As you know, I feel the same way. I could have written your post!
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I completely understand where you're coming from. Whenever my husband gives me attention anyplace I consider to be a problem area, I just tense up and do whatever I can to get him away from that place.
My problem though, is that I don't really accept other peoples' flaws. I'm nearly as judgmental about them as I am myself so that line of thinking doesn't work.
see, I'm totally different. I don't really SEE weight gain on people, I glaze over imperfections & even love them. I'm WAY easier on others than I am on myself.
I understand the tensing up part!
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I also want to make the point, that I like Shoop, have experienced this, and tend to believe that it is true. Maybe not for ALL men, again we can't generalize, but for a majority of men, yes.
if you've experienced it, why do you continue to partake in it? (Not JUDGING, asking) Isn't that hard for you?
And thanks to Suzy for the barbie link! I hadn't even NOTICED that, but after I read that I ran over and undressed one of my daughter's barbie's. She really IS different!!!!!
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I can say that porn that advertises itself as "barely legal" or really young puts me off right away. It just brings predators to mind which kills any desire.
agreed. I HATE it when they do that. I mean, it really seems like they are trying to entice men into watching something that is quite sick. The girls are PROBABLY legal, but the idea itself is very odd. And I don't see how that can be a turn on. I can see how YOUTH Is a turn on, but not the idea of having sex with someone under 18 when YOU are much over 18...yk?
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Yeah she does, her ex is a Douche (that's right with a captial D).
But unfortunately we have it beat into our heads starting when we're little (thanks barbie) that women are supposed to be skinny big boobed and perfect skin. I mean what is a girl supposed to do? Cartoons for girls have girls having breasts when they are supposedly 11 or 12?! And i"m not talking little buds either. How can a real girl compare?
Very true. the Douche part and the barbie part.
Problem is, I still like barbie. I SHOULD hate barbie. I know that. Damn. I buy them for my daughter.
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I do agree with you. Women feel really bad if they don't measure up somehow. A lot of men don't agree with Hollywood that's all.
Shoop shared her feelings on another thread and has good personal reasons to feeling the way she does.
Very true and thanks for making that connection. I knew you would.
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Wow! Does everyone in school know this? I didn't get the letter from the Porn Association. I'm turned on by the wrong women? I like bleached and shaved now? Someone could have told me. Will they hold me back a year?
What did your letter say? Tall, tanned, blue eyed, muscular, with 12 inches of meat? Lucky you. I get distracted when I see air bags where boobs are supposed to be.
What's this? Ice Cream Association letter. We like Chocolate & Coffee? But I just bought a pint of Oreo. Radio Association. Hip Hop, R&B, and 80s Oldies. Some Elvis on Sundays with a note from your doctor. TV Guide. Massive doses of Reality Shows, Sports, Cop Shows, Soap Operas. Phew. All situations I live now, about people just like me.
Wait, where's the Beer letter? What kind of beer do I drink? I can't trust my taste buds anymore.
DADT, I really like you.
That was REALLY funny.
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Too bad you needed a pep talk. The EX was a real prince. Real Men don't notice stretch marks. Maybe some parts of you look even better after the babies? Curvier hips & butt Maybe? Real Men do notice that...and love it.
Thanks DADT. I'm really not too sure if anything looks better. The ex nicely informed me that he wasn't attracted to my post baby body (although I later found out that he wasn't even attracted to my pre-baby body) due to the stretch marks and due to the fact that my boobs had gone down a 'whole cup size'. Which was why he asked me to get implants, of course.
He said that he would eventually "learn to live with" my post baby body, but it'd take time. He really had no idea that what he said was skewed, nor that his ideas were skewed. Actually typing this to you made me refer back to an email he sent to his family, about my body changes and about how it's normal for men to have issues with their wives post baby body. Here's a snipit. My IRL friend on TT has read this, but to everyone else, here it is...."I said it was unreasonable for her to assume that her body changing that much would not
have any effect on me (I totally understand why and sympathize for what she's had to go through birthing/raising our children and I feel guilty for having come out of it physically scot-free so to speak.) I told her it's always been an issue with men having to cope with the fact that their wives were no longer the same as when they married them, it's an age old issue, but it was one I understood and could deal with in time, because for me love is what makes the world go around and not sex. I've explained that her breasts have changed considerably and what she's sensed from me is true, but that it is something I would deal with and know would become comfortable with eventually."
Anyways, I hope that's not too personal to share, however this is the real reason that I still struggle even though it's been 2 years since the split. If someone who said they loved me like crazy for years could end up thinking/feeling these things about me, how can I really feel secure again? Besides, you've all seen my pics...although you never saw before pics, I can attest that I'm really not THAT different!!!! So WTF?
Now I say that but I'm pretty much OK these days (lately). But there is some of this stuff that still lingers in me. Deep.
And want to know something REALLY sad? I've gained a few lbs in the past 2 years (which has in essence made me curvier, although I am still smack in the middle of the weight range for my height) and the thought crossed my mind a few months ago was this...I wondered if my ex would like my boobs NOW. Now that they're bigger, probably back to where they 'were' pre-baby. I actually pondered this thought! And then I remembered that I'm also curvier everywhere else and that was NOT ok with the ex. He wanted porn girls, super skinny with big fake boobs...not "healthy" weight with normal sized boobs.
I actually cried over that thought. And I shared it with my boyfriend. Poor guy!
Anyways, sorry to ramble. I use these moments as self therapy! LOL.
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what a great response! Sounds like you have lots to share and some to learn too. Glad to have u here. I'm pretty new myself.
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That's a hard one.
With my SO it's when we are cuddling or just plain touching. I can't get enough of touching him.
With my kids, well it's any non-stressful moment (my daughter is a bit wild right now!) like watching my son learn to read or cuddling with my little girl.
I guess cuddling is my answer, no matter who it's with, the SO or the kids.
I think we'll need to do it again, but longer...but thsi time was certainly a "good start"! A very good start!
He said that he would eventually "learn to live with" my post baby body, but it'd take time. He really had no idea that what he said was skewed, nor that his ideas were skewed. Actually typing this to you made me refer back to an email he sent to his family, about my body changes and about how it's normal for men to have issues with their wives post baby body. Here's a snipit. My IRL friend on TT has read this, but to everyone else, here it is....
Omg, Our First "porn" Viewing Together + Anal!
in Anal Avenue
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"fresh asses 2"...brutal movie name. Ulgh! But that was it!