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cowgirl

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  3. Birth Control

    in Marriage and Committed Relationships

    Posted

    Well by the time I was 23 I had 2 sets of twins. (My boys are 7 and girls are almost 3). I was DONE so I had my tubes tied. I had c-sections so they were already in there and had them fix that.

    Although before that I was on the pill for two years and got pregnant with the boys (without trying) and then I was on the pill and used condoms for 3 ½ years and got pregnant again with out trying.

  5. Another Animal Dump

    in Rants and Raves

    Posted

    That law is a joke and certainly unenforceable!

    Where I am they enforce it very much. Its a $1000 if you dont have your pets registered and they get picked up. they keep track of how many pets and if you get rid of one and register another they will send you out letters until you can prove you the other one is gone.

    As for Horses, cows, pigs, chickens, goats there is a point system and if you have more points than your land amount allowes you get big fines.

  7. Lizard Birth

    in Adult Jokes & Stories

    Posted

    If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through

    the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead

    goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out

    LOUD!

    Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

    Here's what happened:

    Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me

    there was 'something wrong' with one of the two

    lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

    'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm

    serious, Dad. Can you help?'

    I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and

    followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards

    was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I

    immediately knew what to do.

    'Honey,' I called, 'come look at the lizard!'

    'Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed. 'She's having

    babies.'

    'What?' my son demanded. 'But their names are

    Bert and Ernie, Mom!'

    I was equally outraged.

    'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't

    want them to reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.

    'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their

    cage?' she inquired (I think she actually said this

    sarcastically!)

    'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!' I

    reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet

    voice, while gritting my teeth).

    'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed.

    'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you

    know,' she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).

    By now the rest of the family had gathered to see

    what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make

    the best of it.

    'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,'

    I announced. 'We're about to witness the miracle

    of birth..'

    'Oh, gross!' they shrieked

    'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do

    with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted

    to know.

    We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what

    looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing

    a scant second later.

    'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I

    noted.

    'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified.

    'Do something, Dad!' my son urged..

    'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed

    the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug.

    It disappeared. I tried several more times with the

    sa me results.

    'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know.

    'Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.' (You

    see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

    'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly. We drove to

    the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

    'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged.

    'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to

    him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I

    mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy

    is of her womb, for God's sake.).

    The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and

    peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

    'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested

    scientifically.

    'Oh, very interesting,' he murmured. 'Mr. and Mrs.

    Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'

    I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

    'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.

    'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us.. 'This lizard is not

    in labor.. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. . .

    Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And

    occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most

    male species, they um . . um .. . . masturbate. Just

    the way he did, lying on his back.' He blushed,

    glancing at my wife..

    We were silent, absorbing this.

    'So, Ernie's just . just . .. . excited,' my wife offered.

    'Exactly ! ! the vet replied , relieved that we understood.

    More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to

    giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

    'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not

    believing that the woman I married would commit

    the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness...

    Tears were now running down her face. 'It's just .that . .

    I'm picturing you pulling on its . . . its. . . teeny little . . '

    She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once

    more..

    'That's enough,' I warned. We thanked the vet and

    hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into

    the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

    'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad,'

    he told me.

    'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing

    with laughter.

    Two lizards: $140.

    One cage: $50.

    Trip to the vet: $30.

    Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless!

    Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.

    Lizards lay eggs!

  9. What Is The Funniest Thing You Have Seen In A Store?

    in Everything Else

    Posted

    I work (very part time) at a hardware store. This last Friday night I was helping a customer and we went to walk down one of the lighting isles and we turned the corner and there was a couple completely making out on the floor. They saw us and turned bright red!

    A few weekends ago are store manager was helping someone in the plumbing department and some kid (18-19). Some kid walks up to him and asked him if we sold Fallopian tubing. The manager asked him what it was used for and the kid had no idea. It took him a few sec. and the kid turned bright red and say I think I have to go now.

  12. What Scents Set You Off?

    in Everything Else

    Posted

    What scents do you prefer during sex?? or what scents make you want to have sex??

    Have any of you watched Malcolm in the middle and saw the episode that Louse and Hal smell the Vanilla candle and run to there room to have sex.

    Yesterday I got some massage bars in the mail. I had ordered my mother in law some stuff for her birthday. While I was looking I decided to order me some stuff also. Last night I gave my hubby a massage. All I have to say is WOW! I have never had something that sent me ( and hubby) over the top like this. I has cinnamon oil, peppermint oil, and a bunch of other stuff.

    Well my scent would be like the fire and ice scent of cinnamon and peppermint mixed together

    What’s yours??

  13. Bear Attack

    in Adult Jokes & Stories

    Posted

    Bear Attack in Churchill , Manitoba , Canada .

    These are pictures of an actual polar bear attack in Churchill.

    These pictures were taken while people watched and could do nothing to stop the attack!

    Reports from the local newspaper say that the victim will make a full recovery.

    The photo's are below.

    post-8527-1234288526_thumb.jpg

  18. If He/she Is Too Tired? (to Have Sex)

    in Marriage and Committed Relationships

    Posted

    Chloegirl,

    You know how they say girls marry there fathers. It took me 3 years to say I would marry him after he asked me. I never thought I would have married a drunk. Yes, once in a while we partied but it was only once or twice a year. But once are second baby was born in 2006 thats when he started to drink all the time and smoke. I never thought it would come to me saying, Friday just might be might braking point. Its are sons 7th birthday and I told my son he can pick anywhere to go to dinner and then were going to play mini golf. If hubbys drunk, he wont be going with us and it will be me and the kids. If he puts the kids second to the beer, we have a major problem.

    DADT,

    I dont try to say much to are friends because It always gets back to the guys. It was a bad night at work (I work retail and to set up for black friday isnt fun) then to come home and have him passed out, then to ask me where I have been when he woke up didnt help ( I had been home for 45 mins). So I sat on the computer for a few hours let it bug me to no end. Then vented.

    Thanks for listening to me... :)

  19. Animal Dumping!

    in Rants and Raves

    Posted

    About five years ago my brother went camping and when they came home it was on my bday and my brother brought me a puppy (about 6-8 weeks old) they had found out there. He was almost dead. They came acrossed others that didnt make it. I took him to the vet had him checked out and they said if he hadnt had food with in a day he would have been dead. I ended up feeding him rice for about a week so he gained a little weight and then he passed away durning the night. It was the hardest to see that little puppy suffer and not be able to help.

    Please if your animals not fixed, go get them fixed there is enought animals out there that need homes.

    • Sad 1

  22. A Rant A Rave And Omg.

    in Rants and Raves

    Posted

    I have to say I enjoy "Black Friday". But this year I was STUPID and went to the walmart here. I got the Xbox w/guitar hero for $199 that they had on there ad. People are nuts out there. I was glad that there was a line in the back of the walmart and we had to pay for them back there. By the time I was out of that line it was packed you couldnt move to get out of the store. (that was the only thing I got on friday)

  23. If He/she Is Too Tired? (to Have Sex)

    in Marriage and Committed Relationships

    Posted

    I get blown off often... Mostly the nights I have to work until 10pm and he is way to drunk when I get home (like tonight... :angry: ) thats when I get told he is to tired or he will just lay there and act like he is asleep until I stop trying to wake him up with playing with him. But when I have been up all the night before with the kids and tell him I just want to sleep I get called a wimp.

    I know how you fell mine is just beer related...

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