DLights

No trouble getting erections; just the grand finale.

Ok, we've been experiencing 2 issues in the bedroom lately, and I thought I'd throw it out there to see if anyone has any experience or insight: We're both 40, have been married for over 15 years, great marriage. As with most people, our sex lives have waxed and waned over the years. Right now I'm in a very high libido mode; I'd love to have sex every day or two. My husband's sex drive seems to be a lot lower than that, and lower than it was a couple of years ago. He's interested in sex once, maybe twice in a week. We have lots of affection when we're not having sex, so this is probably something I just need to accept. The other issue, though, is that lately he is not getting to the finish line fairly often when we do have sex. No ejaculation, no climax. We go at it for a long time, but he just doesn't get there. This used to never happen, but now I'd say it happens every 5th or 6th time we have sex. And when he does cum, that takes a lot longer than it used to also. I don't think this is a sign of health problems, is it? That's my first concern, but I also just want him to get all the pleasure he deserves. So I'm just wondering if you would be concerned about his health; do you think it's just normal for his age (both the lower libido and the delayed/missing ejaculation), and do you think there's anything I can do to help. We've discussed the sex drive issue a lot, but not the ejaculation; I've been reluctant to bring it up because I don't want him to feel like I think there's something wrong with him, but I am going to talk to him about it.

For those of you who introduced toys and other interesting activities into your bedrooms--has anyone had to "coax" your partner? Hubby and I have a good sex life but I think it can be better. I feel that some more creativity is called for. We've talked about it. I have told him I need more adventure. (I think he'd be happy to have missionary sex once a week if left to his own devices). We've made progress. To his credit, he is trying in his own way. (Ex--recently initiated sex in the shower, which was a big step for him! ) But I can't seem to get him interested in toys. I'm ok with using the toys solo, and I'm ok with using one myself to get off during our lovemaking. But sometimes, I want him to use them on me, and he just doesn't seem into it. So, would you suggest just presenting him with one when we're fooling around, and just telling him--use this.? Anyone else who had to talk your partner into this stuff--suggestions?

Thanks for all the advice. No insistence on making him him cum from oral, and no, it really doesn't matter as long as we're both enjoying ourselves. But I would like to experience it every now and then. Something different. The one time that I remember him cumming in my mouth, I found it incredibly erotic and intimate. I loved it. (Maybe it's a control or power thing.) It's good to hear that other men don't finish this way either. But I will continue to give it my best. I think my handjob technique definitely needs work--not something I've ever felt terribly comfortable doing. So I believe we have some tutorials in our future.

First of all--I am so thrilled to have discovered this site. What a great place to bring questions that I don't want to ask anyone in person! Thanks for being here! I've been lurking a lot, and finally decided to open up a little. I'm just recently experiencing a sexual renaissance in my marriage, and am loving being open to new things and new experiences. Now the question--How unusual is it for a man not to be able to cum from oral sex? We have oral sex very regularly--it's part of our foreplay almost every time. I have only brought him to orgasm this way once or twice. (in 16 years of marriage!) He usually doesn't want to finish this way. Recently, I told him I wanted him to, and I tried and tried. He was close, but I couldn't close the deal. He was trying to guide me and tell me what to do, but it just didn't happen. Is this totally unheard of? He says it's not a problem with the quality of the BJ, but I'm not sure if he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. (As a side note, we were at his parents house over Thanksgiving, and had to be extra quiet, etc. It's possible he couldn't relax enough.) He can always make me cum from oral. I've never performed on a woman; is it easier? Or maybe I'm not very good at it. If my oral skills are lacking, as crushing as that might be, I want to know it.