I Have A Few Questions..

[luvmymp]

I'll give you a little background.. I have been married for 10 years and I have always been timid about trying new things I guess you could say. I often felt that some things were "dirty" and I felt embarressed. I could not finish just from sex and I felt oral was just dirty. He would want to so I let him, but never really relaxed to enjoy it. We discovered toys a few years back and finally I could have an orgasam during sex if we use a toy along with it, but mainly in the spooning position. Sure I like other ones okay, but nothing really "gets me there" It sure isn't for a lack of trying because he is wonderful and would do just about anything,but it was always me and my mind telling me "good girls" don't do that or whatever.

Anyway, so that is the back story. Fast forward now he is deployed (army) and has been for almost 7 months. He is coming home for R&R in 3 weeks and I have bought quite a few toys. I have done some reading online and am learning I am not so "broke" as I thought and I am quite normal actually with not being able to O just from sex alone. I always felt bad and wondered what was wrong w/ me. We have never tried anything anal at all, but I am open to it. I have learned over that last 7 months that life is SO short and I shouldn't be embarresed.. he is my husband and we love each other so whatever we want to try is up to us. : ) I got some anal beads, and a small finger type thing that goes on the partners finger and in your rear. Eventually I would love to try anal sex, but that scares me.. I feel he is larger.. I figure we can start with the playing and go from there. I got the anal ease as well.. I also really would like to finish with him giving me oral andI know he would love this. So my questions are this.. how can I relax and not think about exacty what is happening.. I tend to let my mind think about it too much and it still kinda grosses me out.. I find it sexy, but at the same time just kinda.. ick. So ladies or guys when you are getting (or giving) oral do you use your fingers and your mouth or a toy and your mouth.. is there something I can do to try to relax.?? Would it be easier if I have an O first from sex and then maybe the second time around try to finish with oral? I have also pretty much been one and done before now. Not that my husband didn't want me to have more, but often it takes so long for me to have one, Ijust feel like why bother again and it is quite sensitive right after and almost hurts to touch so I never wanted to keep trying to have another. Now through self play I have discovered in fact I can have more than one.. : ) Self play was something I also never really did before because I felt "good" girls didn't do that. BUT 7 months is along time.. ; ) We also webcam reguarly on yahoo and I have let him watch me while I fully please myself. This is something I want to try with him in the room, but I am really nervous I will chicken out.

Second question, one of the things I would like more than anything is for us to both O at the same time facing each other.. looking at each other and kissing.. typically I have to be in spooning position and then we can't see each other or kiss. Is there a trick or type you can give me? I bought a wedge pillow.... so maybe an angle or something slightly different that would help? I am hoping someone has been in this situation and can tell me.. of course we will play around and try to figure it out, but tips would be helpful.

Sorry this was all over the place, but basically over the last 7 months I have came around to some new opinions on things and I am more than willing to try this all when he is home. We hae talked about it and actually told each other our fantasies on yahoo.. it is quite exciting, but I guess I need some tips and suggestions on what we can do to help me along with this. I actually ordered almost $200 in toys.. a rabbit, cock rings, some anal toys, the wedge pillow, a blindfold, tie ups.. ect.

I actually can't believe I am posting this, but I am just going to hit submit. : )

[dscn]

well luvmyhp glad to hear that you came around it sucks it took 7 months to for it to happen but better late than never. Your so will be very happy with your new look on your open mind to pleasing each other. when he is going down on you just relax and trust him just try to enjoy and down think about it what he is doing when i give my wife oral I use both mouth and fingers. You can also let him know what feels good and where to touch. with the anal you can start with that by your self by using one finger with lots and lots of lube and moving up to a small toy when you feel comfortable so you can get use to it so when you hubby comes and you guys try it your bum bum won't be too sore. I think you and your husband are going to have a blast pleasing each other. have fun

[ladylove]

Hi luvmymp. Welcome to the 'good girl club'. There are MANY of us out there. I to had those emotional restraints for many year. I'm happy to say I to started becoming more experimental in my 'dirty thirties', it's a wonderful ride. Let me congratulate you on opening yourself up to find and have a rich rewarding intimate relationship with your husband.

In the beginning when I wasn't comfortable with oral, but really wanted to enjoy receiving and giving, I would have a glass of wine after dinner. DO NOT get drunk. Just one glass - It's just to mellow you out so you can relax and stop thinking. It really help me to relax and enjoy. Once you get yourself to relax you will enjoy the pleasure of oral. It may not happen overnight, even the smallest of progress is a big step. Don't look for the Finish line, just lay back and enjoy the ride, the orgasm will come, maybe not the first or second time, but in time it will come it your learn to enjoy the pleasures of oral first. If you want to give your man oral, and are not comfortable, read the article and tips. I alway found (in the beginning) it was much easier and I was bolder when I was aroused and not satisfied first. Go down and give him a little something, something in time you'll want him to finish in your mouth. Remember baby steps. Oh, and tongue combined with fingers/toy during oral, OH BABY, OH BABY!!!!!!

Facing your partner during orgasm is wonderful and I understand your desire to do so. You may be subconsciously inhibited (more good girl junk), or your not getting enough clitoral stimulation. My advice is for you or him to stimulate your clitoris to orgasm when facing each other. The wedge is great for different angels and sensation, I have one. he could tie you to the handle..... just a suggestion. But you may just need more clitoral stimulation for face to face.

For mutual masturbation, ask him to show you how he likes to pleasure himself when he's away. You could then start showing him what you like and............

A couple of times when I had big orders, I would set out everything on the bed or in the bathroom, invite him in, and tell him he could only choose one, then I would choose one. The anticipation was fun but the sometimes more we tired then all.

I'm fairly new to anal. I have never had my man penetrate me anally, but have used small toys and he has used his fingers. Anal stimulation is incredible, just remember anal lube and go slow. Start with him massaging the area first, moving to a single finger penetration, and on..... I think I've covered everything, but if you have more questions feel free to ask or pm me.

Most of all have fun and enjoy!

[luvmymp]

dscn~ he has tried to use his hands with oral and I usually stop him.. so maybe that would help. It doesn't feel bad when he does, but I just don't get the feeling like I will finish that way. Maybe allowing him to try other things will help. thank you for the advice.

ladylove~thank you for the advice. I am so glad to just have these feeling finally. We also have 4 children so I forgot to add that in. That I am sure played a role in some of the lack of desire either being pregnant or breastfeeding for many of hte last 10 years. Now the baby is 1 and like I said him being gone it has just hit me and I decided to look into it more. I actually LOVE to give him oral. The onyl thing I have not been able to do is swallow. I know this is also something he would love, but I just haven't been able too. I actually get excited from giving him oral and so I would imagine that is how he feels when he does the same for me. I just have not been able to relax about it. The wine is a good idea. I am not a drinker and haven't for many years.. (mostly due to being preg. or brestfeeding.. LOL), but this might be a good way to get me to relax some also for the anal play. I want so badly NOT to be nervous about it. It almost feels like our honeymoon again! I love the idea to lay the toys out like that and pick 2.. thanks! He will have 15 days home and I would imagne we will be going at it every one of those days. This will help keep it fresh w/ something new each day.

[ladylove]

dscn~ he has tried to use his hands with oral and I usually stop him.. so maybe that would help. It doesn't feel bad when he does, but I just don't get the feeling like I will finish that way. Maybe allowing him to try other things will help. thank you for the advice.

ladylove~thank you for the advice. I am so glad to just have these feeling finally. We also have 4 children so I forgot to add that in. That I am sure played a role in some of the lack of desire either being pregnant or breastfeeding for many of hte last 10 years. Now the baby is 1 and like I said him being gone it has just hit me and I decided to look into it more. I actually LOVE to give him oral. The onyl thing I have not been able to do is swallow. I know this is also something he would love, but I just haven't been able too. I actually get excited from giving him oral and so I would imagine that is how he feels when he does the same for me. I just have not been able to relax about it. The wine is a good idea. I am not a drinker and haven't for many years.. (mostly due to being preg. or brestfeeding.. LOL), but this might be a good way to get me to relax some also for the anal play. I want so badly NOT to be nervous about it. It almost feels like our honeymoon again! I love the idea to lay the toys out like that and pick 2.. thanks! He will have 15 days home and I would imagne we will be going at it every one of those days. This will help keep it fresh w/ something new each day.

I'm so glad you found my suggestions helpful, anytime. 15 day, let the count down begin. Maybe you can get a relative to come and babysit for a 24 hour period so you and hubby can hide away in a hotel, have a romantic dinner somewhere etc..... Let us know how it all went. I smiling just thinking about the fun your going to have.

ENJOY!

[luvmymp]

Well sadly due to the Army we don't live near any relatives. It is okay though. They all sleep well so once they are down for the night I know we'll have HOURS of our own fun.. maybe even a little nap time fun. We do have a childcare center on post so we'll make sure to use that for lunch out one day or just to have some time for us to enjoy something like bowling or maybe even a run. I am actually finding that the thinking about it and the yahoo messaging back and forth about it is very hot! It is so much easier to type out what I want than it would be to say it in person. This is allowing me to tell him what I would enjoy trying and for him to tell me as well. I think this deployment just might be good for something. LOL I'll make sure to post a few details about our fun.

[ladylove]

Well sadly due to the Army we don't live near any relatives. It is okay though. They all sleep well so once they are down for the night I know we'll have HOURS of our own fun.. maybe even a little nap time fun. We do have a childcare center on post so we'll make sure to use that for lunch out one day or just to have some time for us to enjoy something like bowling or maybe even a run. I am actually finding that the thinking about it and the yahoo messaging back and forth about it is very hot! It is so much easier to type out what I want than it would be to say it in person. This is allowing me to tell him what I would enjoy trying and for him to tell me as well. I think this deployment just might be good for something. LOL I'll make sure to post a few details about our fun.

Looking forward to it.