Newbie

[gumby]

hi there. so, here's me.

great sex life. in shape, female, danced from age 3 - 16, have the rhythm thing down. i'm at 29, but hadn't really tried for the "ultimate goal" until recently. trying now. have a few toys, open minded. bought my first toy online last week, ever, thought i would check out the forum...

i'm smart, college grad, in business, i think i may just be overthinking, but i know the potential is right there....tips?

someone please clue in the helpless newbie!

[nosleepnmesa]

Welcome gumby!!! First off quite trying so hard From the sounds of it you are and are also worring yourself which may be delaying it. Here is a few links since this topic has come up alot. Hope this helps along with some basic toy information and how to masturbate links.

Here is a post from Howard one of the sexperts here and a link to masturbation tips that are very helpful. Mikayla is another GREAT sexpert here and I am sure she will have some more info for you.

http://www.tootimid.com/sex_education/fema...information.htm

Howards Quote:

Folks: I have written about this standard relaxation technique so many times, I am reluctant to do so again, But, IT WORKS!

While you are being sexually stimulated- manual, oral, etc. breathe in slowly and deeply, to a measured count, and then exhale slowly, and deeply. You should like you have pushed or pulled your navel into your back bone!, and the diaphragm up to your heart. When you exhale as completely as you can, count slowly to 5.

Then, and only then, slolwly inhale again to that count. Repeat this and you will feel your body relax. Somewhere during that 5 count exercise when you have exhaled hard, you will lose control, and you will take a big gasp of air. Your brain will let you go over the top and orgasm in the process.

To experience multiple orgasms, ask your husband to continue stimulating you through the orgasm. You will go from one to another, to another, etc. until he stops stiulating you. Once you have experienced this a few times, your body will learn to relax in anticipation of the exciting feeling about to happen, and climaxing will be easier. Multiple orgasms will also be easier to have, and to have more often. Your nervous system will be sensitized, resulting in you being able to respond to stimulation of other erogenous zones. with simple caresses and light touches from your husband. You will even learn to have orgasms when none of your genitals are involved, or being stimulated directly.

Next, you can learn to control your pubo coccygeal muscles ( PC muscles) and use them to bring both you and your husband to orgasm without either of you moving any other part of your bodies, just by sitting on his cock and working it with your muscles. The original Ben Wah balls are good training for this aspects of sexual pleasure, but you first need to learn to relax, and then learn to enjoy climaxing.

Please have fun. If you still are having trouble getting there, let us know and we will try to help some more. Not everyone gets this the first time they try, although I have had great success with lovers using this relaxation technique, or rather teaching them to use the technique during our love making.

Howard

Hope this helps!! Keep posting and Welcome again

[Mikayla1]

Welcome!

I have a few questions which will help me help you....

1) Do you masturbate? If so, have you orgasmed that way?

2) What type of toys did you buy? Vibes, dildos, duals?

3) Had sex yet?

Answer these questions and I know I will get you to the O! In fact, I am almost done with an article all about having the O!

Mikayla

[Rob]

Hey Gumby,

I am glad you joined the forum. I know you will get some good honest advice here. You should have the iVibe on Monday or Tuesday.

Rob

[gumby]

Hi Mikayla,

thanks for getting back to me, you guys are so nice! i feel welcome already.

1) yes. always have masturbated. but for all that i have been very adventurous with sex (that answers question 3), i think i have not been adventurous with masturbating. no, as far as i know, i have not had the big "O" solo. .

2)i've had a vibrator for a while, but it was more fun when i was using it with a guy. recently have been exploring more on my own. i do have one that is dual action - just got one of the rabbits last week from this site. we're getting to know each other.... also tried the accelerator gel too which is kind of fun.

3) and yes, totally have had sex. have been since i was 18...but....was more focused on the act i think, since it is so fun, then trying to actually orgasm myself. i am now trying to broaden my horizons..... i THINK i may have had an "O" one night, but was hammered, and have no idea how to duplicate. maybe the alcohol stopped me from overthinking! who knows? and to clarify, the guy that i am having sex with is AMAZING in bed. we have great sex and have really been great at trying new things. doesn't hurt that his "package size" is sweet too, sorry if that was TMI. but point being, we've really only been trying to get me there recently. and i know he had been able to get girls to do that in the past....so you can understand the pressure on my end and frustration on his end. i know i have the potential, i just have to get there!

thanks for the input. i feel like the new "little sister" to the posting forum. and welcome all and any advice from you experts! you guys must have some really great sex

And thanks to Katprr and Rob too. Rob - you were so cool on the phone, how cool is it that i got the gumby name. go me!

thanks!

gumby

----------------

I have a few questions which will help me help you....

1) Do you masturbate? If so, have you orgasmed that way?

2) What type of toys did you buy? Vibes, dildos, duals?

3) Had sex yet?

Answer these questions and I know I will get you to the O! In fact, I am almost done with an article all about having the O!

Mikayla

[Mikayla1]

No worries about too much information on this site hon, have you read my posts yet? LOL

Anyway, it sounds like you just have to sit down, take it slow and get acquatinted with yourself. I definitely think having a dual action is the way to go - I am glad that you have one, cause I would have suggested that for you. Most women, about 85% need clitoral stim to orgasm, and most women also find their best and most intense orgasms to come from insertions AND clitoral stim.

So, I would suggest 2 things. First, spend some time alone, in bed or the bath just touching yourself. Get totally nekked (yes, nekked) turn on some nice, low music, light candles and just feel your groove. NO toys at first. Just use your fingers and touch yourself for a while. Get familiar with what feels good. When you are getting nice and hot THEN use the toy. Think of it like it is your man. Slowly work it in (no vibrations at first) just put it in. Feel your breasts, tweek your nipples. Close your eyes and imagine it is him teasing you. Then, once it is in just play with yourself for a while - feel the sensations and feel good about playing. Then, turn on the vibrations. Let the toy do the work as you imagine that your lover is fucking you and teasing your clit. Put the toy all the way in and let the clit stimulator do its job. Take your time, pleasure yourself, and I will be willing to bet, that you will have a nice orgasm by the time your evening is over.

SIDE NOTE - unless you got the waterproof rabbit, don't play in the tub!

Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help you!

Mikayla

[gumby]

hi, thanks!

good advice. they accidentally sent me a water toy but said i could keep it. i'll try that with the jets in my tub.

i am sure i am overthinking it. and the fact that i really love the guy i am with...but we were together, then broke up, and are now "dating", is something i am trying to stay on top of. and not get in the way of my quest for the O. I really appreciate your help. it is too funny, i'm a pretty bright girl, great school, good at business, hot sex drive, great in bed (gumby) i've got to be able to figure this out. thanks for helping with the O-mission. you rock!

keep the advice coming, yoda Mikayla! I'll let you know when I am

-G

No worries about too much information on this site hon, have you read my posts yet? LOL

Anyway, it sounds like you just have to sit down, take it slow and get acquatinted with yourself. I definitely think having a dual action is the way to go - I am glad that you have one, cause I would have suggested that for you. Most women, about 85% need clitoral stim to orgasm, and most women also find their best and most intense orgasms to come from insertions AND clitoral stim.

So, I would suggest 2 things. First, spend some time alone, in bed or the bath just touching yourself. Get totally nekked (yes, nekked) turn on some nice, low music, light candles and just feel your groove. NO toys at first. Just use your fingers and touch yourself for a while. Get familiar with what feels good. When you are getting nice and hot THEN use the toy. Think of it like it is your man. Slowly work it in (no vibrations at first) just put it in. Feel your breasts, tweek your nipples. Close your eyes and imagine it is him teasing you. Then, once it is in just play with yourself for a while - feel the sensations and feel good about playing. Then, turn on the vibrations. Let the toy do the work as you imagine that your lover is fucking you and teasing your clit. Put the toy all the way in and let the clit stimulator do its job. Take your time, pleasure yourself, and I will be willing to bet, that you will have a nice orgasm by the time your evening is over.

SIDE NOTE - unless you got the waterproof rabbit, don't play in the tub!

Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help you!

Mikayla

[gumby]

boys are stupid.

at times, the "boy' is not around. and I get a bit dissed. I am tough chic, but we all know how it is when we a) get our heart broken, are tied to someone that doesn't appreciate what we have to offer.....c) great in bed, love sex, but the guy we trust the most is kind of deserting us, or inconsistent?. can i still have one? i will not let some guy beat me, i'm a tough, strong, smart, sexy girl....just a bit clueless on the "o"

i.e. got dissed tonight, and decided to be completely honest on the site, versus experiementing with people i know i'm safe with. maybe being a loner is the right thing, just for now? advice...thanks!

hi, thanks!

good advice. they accidentally sent me a water toy but said i could keep it. i'll try that with the jets in my tub.

i am sure i am overthinking it. and the fact that i really love the guy i am with...but we were together, then broke up, and are now "dating", is something i am trying to stay on top of. and not get in the way of my quest for the O. I really appreciate your help. it is too funny, i'm a pretty bright girl, great school, good at business, hot sex drive, great in bed (gumby) i've got to be able to figure this out. thanks for helping with the O-mission. you rock!

keep the advice coming, yoda Mikayla! I'll let you know when I am

-G

[nosleepnmesa]

Sorry to hear gumby about the "boy". Of course you can still have the big O. Yes and I know that we all know that getting our heartbroken sure does make us a little tougher not only on ourselves but who we are with. I Ivibe is a great toy, with wonderful dual action.

Mikayla is exactley right, you know I have found that when I very first starting masturbating which was a long time ago I am not talking about when I was a kid though and experimenting. I still to this day will start off in the tub, lights off, candles around my tub and my favorite ocean Cd playing which has nothing but the sounds of the ocean and the birds, very relaxing. Mikayla is right on when she says get to know your body. What you like, what feels well, rub and play and explore your body. Just to let you know as long as your vibe is waterproof in the water you want to use a silicone lube, but DO NOT use it on a silicone toy it will destroy it and be a heartbreaking day. Just thought I would throw that in there as a little FYI.

I myself love to play in the water, tub, hot tub, pool etc..... I am sure you will get to that big O in no time, just make sure your mind is free, not think about other things while you play, think about you and how good you feel. Also have you tried some of the articles on female masturbation they are really good and helpful.

Good Luck and keep us posted!!!

[gumby]

are the following silicone lubes?

astroglide?

KY mist?

thanks for the advice, I'll keep you posted!

Sorry to hear gumby about the "boy". Of course you can still have the big O. Yes and I know that we all know that getting our heartbroken sure does make us a little tougher not only on ourselves but who we are with. I Ivibe is a great toy, with wonderful dual action.

Mikayla is exactley right, you know I have found that when I very first starting masturbating which was a long time ago I am not talking about when I was a kid though and experimenting. I still to this day will start off in the tub, lights off, candles around my tub and my favorite ocean Cd playing which has nothing but the sounds of the ocean and the birds, very relaxing. Mikayla is right on when she says get to know your body. What you like, what feels well, rub and play and explore your body. Just to let you know as long as your vibe is waterproof in the water you want to use a silicone lube, but DO NOT use it on a silicone toy it will destroy it and be a heartbreaking day. Just thought I would throw that in there as a little FYI.

I myself love to play in the water, tub, hot tub, pool etc..... I am sure you will get to that big O in no time, just make sure your mind is free, not think about other things while you play, think about you and how good you feel. Also have you tried some of the articles on female masturbation they are really good and helpful.

Good Luck and keep us posted!!!

[gumby]

you are awesome. i love all of the advice. i'm definitely all about practicing and learning. and I have no idea when i'll be sleeping with "the boy" anyway...

so i tried the bathtub thing. pretty cool. GREAT idea. totally helped me relax. and the sound of the jets was a good thing because it kept my mind from wondering. i'm totally getting closer. i even remembered to do the breathing thing. that helped a lot.

you are right, a lot of this is in my head.. when i tried to play in bed a little while ago, something in my room reminded me of "the boy" and then it was distracting i think. i'm fine when i'm with him, the sex is awesome, it is just that we are in this iffy phase and it has been making me insecure.

ok, so i digress, back to me! the advice really is working so far. since i've done crap around my place to clean all day, i think i'm going to go for another bath before i go out.

you rule

quote name='howard4570' date='Aug 12 2006, 10:54 AM' post='8455']

Astroglide is okay. I am not famliar with KY Mist, but if it is similar to the KY Jellie of old, it is water based and would also be okay to use.

If you have not yet had an orgasm, how about starting with external stimulation, rather than penetration? If you are not penetrating, there is no need for lubricants. I am sure you wash your body completely in the shower or bath, and in the process have learned what areas you touch that make you feel a little thrill! Those are some of your erogeous zones. Get to know them with your fingers hands, palms, etc. Most women, for instance, get aroused if their breasts are caressed and touched lightly. They know they are arounsed because the breast hardens, the nipple grows longer and gets stiff, and the aureoles tend to thicken, and any hairs, no matter how small seem to grow into goosebumps. And, finally, but not the least important, women feel arousal, even though only their breasts are being caressed, in their clitoris and pussy. Often the nape of the neck, earlobes, behind the ear, the entire length of her spine, the inside of her elbows, and wrist, knees, and ankles are all sensitive areas that will cause arousal when caressed lightly. There are two keys to this happening. You have to relax, really relax, and you have to want to be aroused. Otherwise, touching these areas- all of them, can simply be interpreted by your brain as something " tickling you". An Annoyance at worst.

That Orgasm you seek is between your ears, and not between your legs. Yes, orgasms that result from stimulating certain parts of your anatomy can " feel " different than those from stimulating other areas, but all our feelings occur in the brain. Do relaxation exercises to learn to relax. If you stretch, and yawn, you know that most of your entire body tenses up, and you hold it through your yawn, and when you let your muscles relax, your whole body relxes. That is one good exercise. Because it is so obviously physical, everyone has done it, and can do it. Another is deep, slow breathing and exhaling, which is really just a variation on the Yawn. You teach yourself to breathe in and out slowly, and deeply, and while concentrating on your breathing, everything else relaxes. The breath control exercise can be done during masturbation exercises, and will help you get over the top and have that orgasm, or multiple orgasms as long as you continue stimulating E-zones. I have found that once my lover begins orgasming, I need to switch from more forceful contact, to very light contact, such as running a fingernail slowly up and down her spine, rather than several fingers. Or lightly brush her nipple with my lip, rather than lick it hard or suck on it. Or just blow air on it, when it is hard, and her whole body is sensitive from being in orgasm. That light stimulation is all that is needed to send her to her next orgasm, and another, etc. Once she has had 8 or 10 orgasms, her nervous system is so sensitive that I can change the touch back to hard touches, such as massaging her feet, toes, rubbing her legs, or her sides, scratching her skin with 4 fingers moving from her under arms towards her breasts but stopping short of her aureoles, rubbing the mastoid gland behind her ear, or massaging the back( Nape) of her neck. Each of those actions will keep her having orgasms, and the variety keeps me from getting bored as a spectator. I don't get any complaints from her, either.

So, please go to work, whether you have a current boyfriend worth your time or not. There is a lot you have to learn about your own sexuality before you involve another person. The more you learn, and train your body to relax and enjoy, the more fun you will have with someone else.

Sex should not be work. It should be Adult Play time. Fun! Ever heard of that?? Seriously, most people who are having problems with their sex lives have turned it into a major CHORE, rather than play. Guys can't keep from getting excited too soon, and women complain that they can't get excited soon enough !

If you are not laughing during foreplay, and masturbation, you are doing things wrong. BTW, Laughing is the third exercise to relax. You cannot be tense and laugh at the same time. I have had more orgasms sneak up on my lovers because I said or did something to make them laugh during our love making, than probably anything else. Its wonderful.

[gumby]

i totally agree. the funny thing is, i started young too, maybe pre-school, but it was obviously not hard core. to be honest it was never hard core, i think i've always just done it when i go to bed, and part of the problem might have been that i was thinking about stuff when i doing it. it was more just somewhat of the routine with going to bed if i was sleeping alone?

i have been trying your tips though and i think making a more dedicated setting is good for me.

had bath number 2 today and the progress is good. i swear pulls all my self tanner off but who cares. then played in bed a bit and tried the free porn that came with my toy. i had never really watched porn but i think it is good to keep my mind focused instead of wandering. fun, fun!

have a good time whatever you do tonight, i'm off to a bday soon. maybe i'll meet a cool boy!

Gumby: I will know I " Rule " when I see that you are having orgasms. Use those toys to get your there. Since you have gone so long without having orgasms, or at least you don't know if you have had any yet, use the toys. You can work backward to your hands, fingers, water, caresses, etc. The human sex drive is supposed to be one of the most significant drives in our lives. It motivates us to be interested in the opposite sex, in our bodies, in feeling good. We surpress these feelings for a lot of wrong reasons, and they interfere withour happiness when we become adults. For women fear of pregnancy, family values, and family folk beliefs and superstitutions, sometimes supported by religious teachers are the biggest inhibitors of a healthy enjoyment of our bodies. Women are still slapping girls hands away from their clits in early infancy, thinking what that 2 week old baby is doing in " Nasty", evil, immoral, and badly reflects on the mother! All those babies are doing is exploring their bodies and feeling good. Little boy babies get erections, and play with them, when physiologically, they cannot achieve any kind of ejaculation. Babies, who cannot see clearly for the first 6 seeks of life, live in a world of blurry images, sounds, tastes, and smells, and feelings. They learn very early on that it feels good to relieve their bladders, and bowels. And, they also learn that they get more attention from their mother when they do so. She cleans them, washes them, dries them, and powders their bottoms, and talks to them in happy terms, and that all feels good, TOO! They find out that touching themselves down there feels good just like it does when momma touches them down there. That is why they are touching themselves, and not because they are some kind of infantile perverts. But, some mothers are too stupid to pay attention to science classes, or to consult their pediatrician, and others simply rely on their own uneducated mothers for advice and training. When a mother slaps the hands of an infant for playing with themselves, it is an act of violence like they have not experienced before in their lives. It sticks. For years. For Life, in many cases. And, its screws up people's views about their bodies, masturbation, and sexual relations until they learn differently. All of us who have suffered some kind of sexual censure at home have to fight against those feelings of wrong doing, and shame, in order to find happiness with our bodies, and with our sex partners.

Keep us in touch, and let us all know if you have a break through in having those orgasms. The more you have, the easier they are to have, and the more relaxed and fun you will have playing with your SO. Best wishes to you. Howard

[Rob]

Hi Gumby,

What did I tell you about that boy?! I am glad this site is helping you. I'll be in touch about your request to join our team of reviewers.

Rob

[gumby]

It happened!

Wow, now I get it. The big "O" was absolutely A M A Z I N G!!!!

Thanks for you posters that helped in "the mission". So, I know you're about to ask how.....

Happened on Sunday, had a great day working out and then my body was totally relaxed. Finally got to try out the I-vibe with the guy I'm dating (had been trying solo during the week before). The combination of "attention" from him and the toy, and the recommended breathing from you guys....and it happened. Then we had the best mind blowing sex since I was so sensitive and I had a second one doing that. WOW!

I knew I had been getting close but it is cool to have had the real thing. Unbelievable. I think he got the ego boost too since he had known the "mission". I was grinning ear to ear the entire night!

Thanks for all of your advice, and please keep advising. You guys are the experts. And it is incredible how much the breathing helped!

:) , Gumby

Hi Gumby,

What did I tell you about that boy?! I am glad this site is helping you. I'll be in touch about your request to join our team of reviewers.

Rob