Tyger Posted January 11, 2007 Report Share Posted January 11, 2007 During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.What about you Peter, how would you say it?"Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.""That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?""I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."The teacher fainted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MysticLady Posted January 11, 2007 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2007 ^ Love that!Liesl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members me4now Posted January 11, 2007 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2007 stop it!!!!!!!!!! that is to much and it sound just like my husband Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted January 11, 2007 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2007 that was good. Okay I have to tell you a true story that happened just the other day at my sons school. My 16yr old can at times say things without thinking about what he says before he says it. They had an assembly that day, my son had no idea that his instructor was a seat away from him, sitting next to his friend at the assembly. The cheerleaders in their short skirts and white tops were dancing around as the lights went out and the black lights came on, my son said the only thing you could really see was there shirts and bras gowing in the black light. Well my son not thinking before he talks, yells out what is this???? Some kind of bad porn. His instructor of course heard him and called out his name, he did not get in trouble at all but I guess half the students in there heard him. He came home and told me this story and you know the first thing I did was laugh, I know bad mom but you know kids really do say the damnest things some times. As most of you know I talk to my children about everything, no my son doesn't watch porn to my knowledge but he is 16 so he knows about it. He also doesn't have access to ours it is under lock and key. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted January 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 21 Condom Slogans:1. COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE YOU HUMP! 2. BEFORE YOU ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WHACKER! 3. DON'T BE SILLY, PROTECT YOUR WILLY! 4. WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YOUR SPOUT! 5. DON'T BE A LONER, COVER YOUR BONER! 6. YOU CAN'T GO WRONG IF YOU SHIELD YOUR DONG! 7. IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACK IT! 8. IF YOU THINK SHE'S SPUNKY, COVER YOUR MONKEY! 9. IF YOU SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE TO CONDOMIZE! 10. IT WILL BE SWEETER IF YOU WRAP YOUR PETER! 11. SHE WON'T GET SICK IF YOU WRAP YOUR DICK! 12. IF YOU GO IN HEAT, PACKAGE YOUR MEAT! 13. WHILE YOU'RE UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP YOUR PENIS! 14. WHEN YOU TAKE OFF HER PANTS AND BLOUSE, ZIP UP YOUR TROUSER MOUSE! 15. ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT WRAP YOUR MEMBER! 16. NEVER, NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER! 17. DON'T BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YOUR TOOL! 18. THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YOUR ERECTION! 19. WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER OIL! 20. A CRANK WITH ARMOR WILL NEVER HARM HER! 21. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members me4now Posted January 19, 2007 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2007 hey these are cool some of them i use to hear my brother's talk about Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted January 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2007 Different Types of Sex:SOCIAL SECURITY SEX Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!" LOUD SEX *I LOVE THIS ONE* A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!" QUIET SEX *MY FAV* Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!" CONFOUNDED SEX A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen." WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEXA husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'" WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX My husband came home with a tube of K-Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. ELDERLY SEX One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor "assisted living apartment" .. Killing him instantly. Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex .. He could fly." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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