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Orgasm Not There


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hi all i am new to the forum my 2 friends told me they loved the site and it really helped them so i am hopen some one could help me

ok so here it is i am 22 and have had sex ever since i was 16 and i can't seem to have any sensation in an orgasm i don't know what is wrong with me butit is just like i lay there and i am into it and everything it is just that i can't seem to have an orgasm am i like a wierd person or a freak cause i am really worried about this becasue i have been with the same person since i waas 16 and the orgasm seems to be never there

i hope that i can get some answeres any would be really helpfull



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First, welcome to the forums. This is exactly the place for you to get help. Before trying to answer your open ended question, perhaps you can spend some time reading the Sex Education articles. Mikayla has written a terrific series on the Orgasm, including an article on what an orgasm is, and how to have one. I think you need to start there. Don't be ashamed that you don't know what an orgasm is, or how to have one, or even if you are having them, and just don't know it. Just where are you going to learn these things? From your parents? Not likely! From school? Right ! As if those sex ed. classes are any better now than they were 40 years ago.

So, please get informed about what an orgasm is, and how to have one. You can't expect a lover to give you something when you don't know what it is, or how to have one. In fact, you have to teach your lover how to give you your orgasms, by talking him through his love making, and even demonstrating by taking his hand, fingers, cock, whatever, and showing him where and how he has to touch you to get you physically excited to the point of having your orgasm.

By all means, take the time to read prior posts, here, under the Beginner's questions, Oral sex Discussion, and " Everything Else.". You will find many similar questions under all those topic, and pages and pages of postings that will inform, train, and, we hope, arouse you, too. `Read about toys, and how to use them to give yourself orgasms. These are supplements to using your own hands and fingers to do this. Practice. Once you know how to give yourself orgasms, then practice doing multiples, and then practice reaching orgasm by stimulating something other than your clitoris. You have lots of erogenous zones. find them all and explore them. You will find that you are much more sensative after having an orgasm than before, and that is the time to start training your body and brains to welcome caresses and stimulation of other kinds to these other E-zones, to have more orgasms, faster, easier, and grander. When your brain finally accepts the fact that you can orgasm by just having someone blow in your ear gently , for example, you can have an orgasm that way any time, and without having a standard clitoral ogasm first. That is when foreplay, and " necking" becomes a lot more fun!

In order to be ready to orgasm during intercourse, its best if you have several orgasm during foreplay with your lover. Not only will that relax the muscles at the entrancy to your vagina( the Labia majora, and minora) but you will also secret fluids that will lube the vagina tissues to make it easier for his cock to penetrate, and, for some women, there is evidence that the orgasms help to actually lengthen the vagina some so that she can take her lover's full length easier.

You do have to learn to relax during sex, and the best way to relax is always to laugh. If sex is not fun, for you and your lover, and you are both not laughing, you are putting roadblocks into the experience that prevent you from having an orgasm. So, much of How to Have an Orgasm has to do with your frame of mind about love making.

There are several steps in your education.

One. You first have to learn about your own sexuality. That requires playing with yourself, ( masturbation) to find out what feels good, what doesn't, and what you have to do to really get excited.

Two: You have to learn how to have orgasms on your own before you can teach someone else to give you them. So, not only do you have to learn what feels good, but you have to take the next step and actually have orgasms. The more the better.

Three: Once you have conquered those steps, you have to learn how to pleasure your lover. Talk to him/ her. A common misconception in women is that all men are alike and you can do anything to any man and he will be pleasured ! That is just not true, at all. There are actually men who fake having an orgasm just to end the love making so they can do something else. They do not enjoy the act, and either fear their own climax, or just can't get off on whatever she is doing, or not doing to them. And they won't say anything. Just like so many women do.

Four: Then there is graduate school. This involves learning how to make love many different ways, using different positions, and widening your sexual experiences beyond sexual intercourse. Oral sex, anal sex, masturbation with toys, role playing, jungle sex, tantric sex, BDSM, are all subjects that you can explore after you have learned how to have fun with your lover and have as many orgasms as you want or feel you need.

Your education has begun. Now read and come back with more detailed questions. There is a limit to what we can possibly instruct you on by computer. An open ended question like yours," Is there something wrong with me because I don't think I have ever had an orgasm?", Is so open, I don't think any of us could possibly know where to begin, other than what I have told you here. We can and will help you, but give us a chance to use our limited vocabulary of words to tell you what to do, NEXT. Don't expect us to start from total scratch. We don't have a clue from your post what you are doing now, to have an orgasm.

I know you will enjoy the education.

Have fun.


the things i read was ver insiteful but i have tried so many positions that i would make the kamasutra look bad i masterbate i have tried everything and then more i can tell i have cumed when me and my significant other go at it but i just don't have feeeling we have fun and there really is really no non stop thing when we get goen it is just that i have never fealt it at all and we for one i had surgery on my brain when i was a day or 2 old for a hydrosefalist syst and my doctor said it might be that but truly i ain't for sure.

i have tried most of the things that mikayla was tellen about but it just never seems to happen no matter what i try to do i don't expect to have an orgasm but it is just where i have never had one and i have began to stop faking with my signifacant other cause i just got board with it but not with him,

i have read so many book, magazines articles and went to so many doctors that i am almost fed up and i am at my ends wit with sex, forplay and everything else, i have tried to fantasise and think about other things but it just don't work at all and i am about 2 inches away from just forgetten about sex.

i know it sounds wierd and i know i am still young but it just gets boaring after a while i even tried the toys the liquids and everything but it just does not cut it., and i don't know where else to turn

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If you think you might have organic brain damage that is responsible for your not feeling an orgasm, why not contact the Kinsey Institute at the University of Indiana, at Bloomington, and ask for help from them. I don't know where you live, but you can fly into Indianapolis, from anywhere, and then rent a car to drive to the University. The University also has facilities in Indianapolis, so you might not even have to go to Bloomington. These are some of the best experts in the world when it comes to sexual performance issues. At least they would be able to tell you if the injury and subsequent surgery is responsible. If not, they can help you understand better what you apparently are not doing correctly. Have you seen the educational DVDs from the Better sex institute? ( BetterSex.com, but also sold here in the shopping guide? These are instructive guides using real couples and they have helped many couples figure out how to correctly do things they could not do before. Well done, tastefully camera work, and its obviously the couples really love each other.

Best wishes.


thanks howard i will check in with those people and buy the dvd just to see if it is just me or my brain

thanks again


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