My Boyfriend Experiences Pain, Not Pleasure When I Stimulate His Prostate...help!

[MonkeyToes]

So, after my brief 29 years here on this planet I finally found a man that I feel TOTALLY comfortable with and can tap into my sexual curiosities with & I gave into 'anal-play'. Quite unexpectedly...I really LIKED it. I enjoyed the feeling of being dominated and I wanted to play, too. Well, my boyfriend and I got to talking and after I assured him that his interest in said activities did not mean that he was secretly gay or that it made him less of a man, he agreed to letting me reciprocate. We shared several days of teasing and erotic e-mails/fantasy scenes getting him to the point where in the heat of a moment together, he begged me to use my fingers and plug on him. He had to stop me because it hurt....Long story short...we've tried a few times now and he can't seem to make himself relax AND, much to my surprise, stimulating his prostate (no matter how softly I do it and no matter how much lube I use)seems to hurt him more than anything. He expresses the fact that he really WANTS to like it and get pleasure from it...but he doesn't know why it's not mindblowing like everything we read says it should be. My concern is that since he's experiencing PAIN, he might have problems with his prostate? He's 35, and seems healthy in ever other way...so does anyone have any input or advice? Thanks in advance!

[Tyger]

One of the keys to great anal sex is lots and lots and lots of LUBE! Silicone lubes are really good for anal play. Just be careful, if you are using silicone toys, do not use silicone lube. Silicone lubes break down the silicone in toys for some reason. Not a good thing.

If you're using your fingers....are your nails should be trimmed well, no jagged edges or long nails, cuz you could be cutting them.

He needs to learn to relax. If he's not relaxing, when he tenses up (which is totally natural), it may cause discomfort. He also should have had a recent bowel movement, so that he's clean up there, and there's not a lot of pressure.

I hope these tips help. For more helpful tips, go to the Sex Education Tab, and look up Anal Sex. There are some great tips there!

[MonkeyToes]

The prostate gland is basically a reservoir of seminal fluid, and it grows as a man gets excited. When he ejaculates, some of that fluid is released, easing his discomfort. If you put pressure on the P-gland before he is climaxing its like pushing on a boil! Of course he is going to feel pain. The small muscles in the vascular system that allow seminal fluid to move from the P-gland are closes off, and the fluid has no place to go!!! So, its more a question of timing as to when you press on the P-gland. Wait until he is climaxing before you press on it, and everything should be fine. In fact, he should feel a very complete release, or a feeling that his toes are being sucked out the tip of his cock !

If he still reports trouble, doing it my suggested way, then he should see his doctor for a Prostate Exam. Seminal fluid is normally forced out the gland and out the penis during this exam. The purpose of the exam is to see that the gland is functioning properly, and that the vas that connect the gland to the urethra are also functioning properly.

Tell him to do deep breathing when you are fondling his rectum with your finger, or dildoe, so that he relaxes all those muscles in his groin. That may be all that he needs to do to avoid the pain he is now feeling. But, he should understand that if you push on the p-gland, seminal fluid may come out his cock, and he should be prepared for that event. Its not urine, and he's not peeing accidentally. Therefore, he should not clench his muscles ( Kegels) to keep the fluid from coming out. He is not relieving his bladder, but his P-gland.

I hope that helps.

Howard

THANKS SO MUCH HOWARD! Good advice that I will apply (no pun intended;) )