Sex With An Older Man

[kitkatty]

I have a friend who I have had for over thirty years. He and I got together the first night we went out, and oh my gosh. What a wonderful lover. He gave me my first orgasm. Throughout the years we have gotten together for one night stands. Unfortunately, we are both married to other people, and we really regret not having gotten together earlier (which he still reminds me of this) I just would not go out with him because he was older and I felt uneasy, boy was I ever wrong.

Anyway, we went on a trip last week, and the sex that 24 hours was the most undescribable sex we have ever had, and trust me we have had some wild sex, he buys me the toys that we use, and he pleases me so much, so I wonder, if we were together all the time would we be that sexual all the time? Maybe it is just as well that we only get together once a month. We have gone through so much together, deaths, births it is amazing how we are such soulmates, and yet we can't even be together. My marriage sucks, his is ok, so many times have I wished that we could be together.

[Valntyn]

It sounds like quite the decision you have to make -- that is, if you want things to change. You've got to ask yourself, though, the question you've already voiced (well.. typed). Would things be as fantastic between the two of you if you were legally allowed to be together? Or is it just so great now because it's "forbidden" and you're getting away with something? And, does it just seem great with HIM because you don't want to be with your husband in general? Meaning, could it be anyone else you'd have this passion with because you aren't having it at home?

Are you comfortable lying to your spouse while you cheat on him? Is HE comfortable lying to HIS spouse while cheating on her? Where the marriages fine as they were before you two started getting together and they "suck" now because you think the affair is better? If you're lying to your spouse (and he to his), what makes you think that you won't end up lying to each other if you do get together?

These questions are by no means accusations against you. I'm merely bringing them up to see if you've thought of them and what you've come up with for answers.

You need to also decide if you really love this on-the-side guy... or if you're using him as an excuse to get out of a bad marriage... or if the affair is actually the thing hurting your marriage... or if you're just clinging on to the regret of the past, having never gotten together with this guy.

There are a lot of questions I've listed here, I know... and they aren't even half of what's in my head about this situation. Again, please don't take them as criticism. They're merely meant as aiding tools. Good luck.

[Tyger]

I have a friend that I've known for 23 years (omg!!), and when I got divorced, and he split with his GF, we were finally able to turn to each other. It was wild, fun, and no commitments. However, knowing about us, I knew that there could really be nothing but either friendship or fucking, cuz we both were waaaaaaaaaay too independant, and not willing to conceed to each other at all. Plus, knowing him the way I do, I knew I'd be setting myself up for heartache, if I did decide to try and hang onto him. He never stays faithful to anyone.

I say all this, cuz, as you being this man's friend, you probably KNOW him a bit more. He has probably just "hung" out with you as friends before ( I would hope). If he's a true friend, if you decided tomorrow, to stop sleeping with him, he'd still remain friends, AND respect your wishes to just be friends. Do YOU think you're sleeping with him cuz it's "taboo"? Can you 2 get alone without any sexual undertones? Are there more interests there than just sex? Being a partner in life, you need to have some similar interests, other than in the bedroom, to keep it interesting.

Now, as far as your questions go, why do you need an excuse to leave a bad marriage? Life's too short. If you're not happy, do something about it. Having an affair is a pretty good clue that you're not happy at all. Why do you stay with your husband, even if you are thinking your friend may not be available to you? Because, let's be honest, he's not free, and niether are you. You can't FULLY and TRULY be with someone if they belong to someone else. That's unfair, not only to you, but to your spouses as well.

Another question, IF he left his wife, and you left your husband, got together, and all that jazz, would you trust him? Would he trust you? Or would either of you question the other's loyalty, since you cheated on your spouses before. Woud either of you wonder about any other opposite-sex friends?

With the "age thing", I've had lovers that have been only a year younger, and up to a mere 5 yrs older than I am. So, I'm not overly experienced as far as huge age differences, though, you didn't give us the age difference, age is a matter of your mind, and age really doesn't matter in the matters of the heart. At least IMO. It depends on their, and your, maturity level and how you approach/handle things.

I'm sure I'm not saying anything that you haven't thought about. You have some serious questions that you need to be honest with yourself, to be happy. I wish you all of the best!

[kitkatty]

I want to thank all of you for replying. Yes, I have thought of everything ya'll have commented on. First, my marriage has gone thru so much that my husband and I are only staying together till our daughter graduates from high school in two years, then we will separate. Right now we do not even live together because I am the only caregiver of my mother who has had three different heart surgeries in the past year, plus she has alzheimers. So our relationship at this time is not hurting our daughter(thank goodness). Anyway, my affair with this older man, will probably never materialize, because he will not leave his wife because of several reasons, and I do not expect him too, but if both of us were free, then yes we would get together, and yes we do trust each other, no matter about the past, because he and I do get along with each other without the sexual appetite, but we both think alike in the sexual way. I guess in a way it helps to know that I have someone that does care, wether it is true caring or just sex, because right now I have so much to deal with, it is like an escape for my mind.

And I know that this is wrong, but the sex is great. My own husband does not even want sex, it has been 8 years since we have been together, he blames it on diabetes, but personally I believe that he has had several affairs and possibly even has a girlfriend, who knows, because I do not even get to see him too much, frankly we are better friends than anything else.

[nudist_duo]

Hi, I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. It seems to me that you have a very important decission to make which really does not involve your older friend at all. If you are unhappy (and I assume that your husband also feels the same way) then you both need to work out a way to end the marriage. You know, there are many great people around and I am sure that there is one out there for you. It seems that your friend will not leave his wife for you. So you will find someone else to share your life with.. Take care.