Awesomely Lame Jokes With Sue!

[mystofpric]

So if your canadian please don't get offended, I'll take a pop-shot at everyone I promise.

The Naming Of Canada

There were two soon to be former englishman sitting in a room trying to decide what to name their new country.

"Oh, eh, I got it!" of one the men proclaims.

"Go ahead, sir, please." The second man said.

"C, eh, N, eh, D, eh."

The second man wrote CANADA.

[vanilla_bean]

No offense taken.

[paul6725]

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

A guy walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He says "See, this is the pig I am fucking" His wife says "Honey thats not a pig" He says "Shut the fuck up I'm not talking to you".

Why did Jimmy fall off the bike?

Because he was a fish.

What's brown, green and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A pool table.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi

'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?'

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)

Dog: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food And takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Kiwi: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse: 'Cool'

Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)

Horse: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'

Kiwi: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Kiwi: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a f*****' liar……'

[mystofpric]

Why do Scotsmen wear Wellies (knee high rubber boots)? to have a place to put a sheep legs

Two sheep herders are flying the herd to a new farm. Suddenly, the

engine fails and

the plane begins to fall quickly to the ground.

SH1: Quick! Grab a parachute and jump!

SH2: What about the sheep ?!?

SH1: Fuck the sheep !!!!

SH2: (pause) Do you think we have time?

What is the difference between a Rolling Stone and a Scotsman?

The Rolling Stone says, "Hey, you! Get off of my cloud." The Scotsman

says, "Hey,

McLeod! Get off of my ewe!"