How Do I Handle This?

[zanej]

I haven't seen anywhere that this question has been answered or even asked, yet I have seen several people assume that the answer is yes and you have not corrected them, but I still feel the need to make sure. Is she at least 18? I am not judging in any way. I dated a 16 YO girl from my school while in my freshman year at college and everything we did was one hundred percent legal in my state. If she's not, then I am sorry but you have no choice but to respect her father's wishes, to a point. There's nothing wrong with giving the visual appearance that you are friends in front of him because SO's should be best friends.

My opinion on that changes when sex becomes part of the equation. If she is not 18 you HAVE TO check the laws in your state. If it's a crime to have sex with her, then you wait, no matter what. If it is and you BOTH decide that the time is right for this to happen, you really need to let him know that you are dating seriously. For the sake of your brains remaining where the belong don't tell him you're having sex, but I think your smart enough to figure that part out for yourself

Finally, I don't intend to sound mean here, but if you are 19 then your should stop referring to parents and other people older than you as adults. You are an adult now and these people are now, to a degree, your peers. Specifically referring to them as adults makes it sound as if you consider yourself separate from that category, therefore, a child. It's very hard to view anyone with the required to degree of maturity that this kind of situation requires when they refer to their self as a child. Again, not trying to be mean, just trying to remind you that you are at the age when your frame of mind needs to start adapting.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that whatever the result, it is the best one for both of your futures.

[zanej]

...If it's a crime to have sex with her, then you wait, no matter what. If it is and you BOTH decide that the time is right for this to happen, you really need to let him know that you are dating seriously.

sorry, should say "If it is legal..."

[ToyQueen]

I haven't seen anywhere that this question has been answered or even asked, yet I have seen several people assume that the answer is yes and you have not corrected them, but I still feel the need to make sure. Is she at least 18? I am not judging in any way. I dated a 16 YO girl from my school while in my freshman year at college and everything we did was one hundred percent legal in my state. If she's not, then I am sorry but you have no choice but to respect her father's wishes, to a point. There's nothing wrong with giving the visual appearance that you are friends in front of him because SO's should be best friends.

My opinion on that changes when sex becomes part of the equation. If she is not 18 you HAVE TO check the laws in your state. If it's a crime to have sex with her, then you wait, no matter what. If it is and you BOTH decide that the time is right for this to happen, you really need to let him know that you are dating seriously. For the sake of your brains remaining where the belong don't tell him you're having sex, but I think your smart enough to figure that part out for yourself

Finally, I don't intend to sound mean here, but if you are 19 then your should stop referring to parents and other people older than you as adults. You are an adult now and these people are now, to a degree, your peers. Specifically referring to them as adults makes it sound as if you consider yourself separate from that category, therefore, a child. It's very hard to view anyone with the required to degree of maturity that this kind of situation requires when they refer to their self as a child. Again, not trying to be mean, just trying to remind you that you are at the age when your frame of mind needs to start adapting.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that whatever the result, it is the best one for both of your futures.

I know Korn hasn't said it in this post, but the girl is 18... So it would be legal.

[Beavis]

LOL I knew I was forgetting something to mention. Yes she is 18. Timeup I would like to point out a few things. For starters I'm not an adult adult not until 21, Second everyone seems to love to tell me I'm 19 and I'm still young so I'm going to refer to anyone who does to me as an adult I'm 21, Finally no one takes you seriously till you're 25 with a career. Sorry to sound like a jerk or like a little kid but I find it very disrespectful to called me an adult and say I'm still so young. Adults are capable of making big decisions and if I'm an adult then that meens I can make big decisions like knowing when who to marry and when.

She won't have sex until married due to her beliefs and I respect that. Not having sex never killed a guy and I have masturbation.

[synirr]

Adults are capable of making big decisions and if I'm an adult then that meens I can make big decisions like knowing when who to marry and when.

Technically you can. You're legally an adult at 18. You can move out, pay taxes, get married, fight and die for your country, and so on. Nobody can stop you. You just can't drink until 21 or rent a car until 21-25, depending on the rental group. Welcome to adulthood.

That said, our generation is a lot less self-sufficient at 19 than previous generations were (for reasons which are a mystery to me. I suspect we're just spoiled and less is expected of us overall.) At this point though, you're only a kid because you think you are and aren't willing to take on adult responsibilies yet.

If you're going to have that mindset though, it might be prudent to remember that serious relationships are something adults have.

[mystofpric]

Technically you can. You're legally an adult at 18. You can move out, pay taxes, get married, fight and die for your country, and so on. Nobody can stop you. You just can't drink until 21 or rent a car until 21-25, depending on the rental group. Welcome to adulthood.

That said, our generation is a lot less self-sufficient at 19 than previous generations were (for reasons which are a mystery to me. I suspect we're just spoiled and less is expected of us overall.) At this point though, you're only a kid because you think you are and aren't willing to take on adult responsibilies yet.

If you're going to have that mindset though, it might be prudent to remember that serious relationships are something adults have.

Well said.

[zanej]

I just wanted to thank the original poster for taking everything I said in stride. I understand where you are coming from and why you may feel the way you do. Once again thanks for being open to all of the suggestions here and responding so maturely. Sadly that's something you don't always see from someone conversing from behind a computer screen. Good luck and I hope you find a solution.

[pappyld04]

I may have missed it through these posts but have you ever heard the old "Why buy the cow if the milk is free"? She wants to talk marriage and you want to talk roomies with benefits. I know very little about LDS but this roomie thing will never be accepted by the parents. You'd be lucky to slip the marriage one by them but you are talking about something that will get her ostracized not only by the church but more importantly by her parents.

Parents are usually the very first person a young boy or girl has for support. This may not come out like it I mean for it to but it almost sounds like a control thing. It's a horrid thing to say! But she be encouraged to maintain this relationship above all others unless there is an abusive tone to it!

[ohshelly]

Where I am, a promise ring is a promise to be together---kind of a precursor to an engagement ring.

It means the same thing up here.