Its Complicated

[RH12]

Sorry for the length!

I apologize in advance

Well, I recently got out of a committed relationship. The guy I was with, seemed to be the one, and he was everything I couldve ever asked for, I would've lay down and died for him (Sad huh?) Anyway, I ended up moving, back in with my mother because of a severe personal problem that I had in which I couldn't stay where I was living (Soon ill be 19). Needless to say, the guy who seemed to be as in love with me as I was with him, 3 days after saying he loved me and all that jazz, broke up with me.

I thought for a long time we would get back together, but it didn't happen. VERY shortly after, he got back with his previous ex (2 girls before me) and fell seemingly as deeply for her and I did for him. (Now they've broken up a few times, seems like 4-5 and I think now are back together)

Either way, its been about a year now, and I still miss him, and I hate thinking about him with her- but I don't think I still love him.

Anyway, now, for the past 7 months I have been dating a new guy. He is great. Sexually, and all that whatnot, emotionally, and everything else.

He is deeply head over heels foot in his mouth in love with me ( if you saw how he acted, you'd know what I mean ) And he is probably the sweetest person I have ever met in the existence of the earth...

We were friends for a long time before we started dating, and I use to think he was so gorgeous, it made me want him then and there just to look at him. By the time we started dating ( a couple of years later ) he changed a lot physically, and I seemed to just not be attracted to his look.

I know I care about him, but sometimes I really don't feel attracted to him at all... He is everything I would want, and though im not conceited at all, I fear deeply that I cant be with someone Im not attracted to, despite them being everything I would want personally.

Sometimes, I wonder if it has to do with my ex. I know that I was not ready for another relationship when I got with my current guy, and I fear that affects how I see him. Maybe I try to make him be what my old guy was- and he isn't.

I never see my ex now, we tried to be friends- but it blew to hell, every now and then I see him and its a casual 3 minute hi how are you conversation, and then its done. But when I talk to him- its like my heart hasn't let go at all.

I wont say Id take him back if he asked me, since hes changed so much... but I wont say Ive let him go either-

Ive told my current guy significant times that I wasn't ready for this, but im in far too deep with him now to name it something casual.

What could be wrong with me?

Also, he really likes sex... I mean, he constantly tells me Im the most beautiful thing in the world, that hes ever seen, etc, and that makes me feel so good. All I need to do is look at him, and he is ready for it - anytime, no matter what. I dont even need to move for him to be ready... but we haven't had sex in such a long time, and I know he wants it bad, when I told him I was ordering a new toy from here to relax me some (he loves those kind of things with me) he got so excited, maybe even more than me..

my life is really really stressful being in my living circumstances at the moment, sometimes I think it has something to do with that.. but I think Ive lost my once thriving sexual interest in him.

Is it because im not attracted physically to him? Can that be overcame?

Is it because of my ex?

Is something wrong with my sexual drive?

Its not that I don't want sex, its amazing, I just don't seem to be interested in it with a partner- sometimes I just wanna be alone... is that wrong?

but, he never pressures me about it, he doesn't even mention it unless I say something first. He is always there for me emotionally before he asks for something sexually, but when I do finally mention it, he more or less tell me hes been dieing and needs to so bad.

I dunno whats wrong with me... =/

Again, sorry for length. Hopefully someone can help me.

[RH12]

Thanks for the quick answers, it really helps a lot

He is 22, and his previous relationship lasted about 3 1/2 years. (I also know the girl, whom treated him not the way he deserves to be treated)

He loved her, but a month into our relationship, we had a conversation ( a deep one ) about her, and every single one of our mutual friends say his feelings for her are nothing like they are for me.

Despite that though, he has never really had a serious relationship.

At times, I feel like I couldn't be happier, and as if hes everything I could ever paint a picture of, though I know I am young, and I know I have the love immaturity of an 18 year old, I still feel very serious in my relationships, especially this one.

He tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, when I cry, he holds me and tells me I'm too beautiful to look so sad, and looking at a distance, I would kill to have the things he says and the things he does done for me.

I just don't seem to understand why I cant care about him as he cares about me.

Its been offered I don't want to be hurt the way my ex hurt me, since I literally made myself physically sick getting over it, I really fell apart.

Maybe its a factor?