Hello, I would say you need to get a realistic cock that is about the same size as your man. My wife is very conservative when it comes to things like this. We did however go to a local sex toy shop and check out some of the realistic cocks for the wife to try but most are to big so we went on line and was able to find one about the length and grith that my cock is when it is hard. just saying you may not want to go bigger than your man but you may want to go a tad smaller than your man... my wife has some scare tissue from childbirth and can not take anything bigger than the size of my cock. we are still new to sex toys and I am not quite sure what are all the ways to use them on the wife ... If you have any suggestions please feel free to share. hope this info helps a little