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Well my wonderful husband will be coming home soon! I am so excited and scared at the same time, is that even possible?

My problem is that I am fat. I know I am fat. I'm not the Jessica Alba that he drools over. Or the Hott music video girl. I'm just a woman who struggles everyday to just be me. I don't like what I see staring back at me in the mirror. I am a person who struggles with diabetes and weight and to very ill mannered little boys who I would die for. I feel bad cause in these past 8 months my husband has been gone, I haven't likes being a mom much. My little baby boy Aaron has turned out to be the Anti Christ. Wow who saw that coming. I sure as hell didn't.

My husband tells me I'm sexy all the time. He hasn't seen me in 8 months and he has beefed up and I'm still me FAT house wife with a shitty little daycare and a travel business going no place fast. I want to be the woman he wants. But as I struggle with who I am I can't be that person. It is easy being sexy for him on the computer but when he gets home and I bare all to him. I'm gonna be that scared woman that walks really fast past mirrors so she doesn't have to see her own self naked.

I know he is my husband and I love him soooo fing much it hurts. I have prayed to god for a good man and he sent me one along with the life I dreamed of as a little girl. I was married once before and that devil tore me down so much that 6 years later I still hear those words echo in my head. Your not good enough. God you have gotten so fat. Why in the hell are u wearing that.

I guess thats why I hide behind big t shirts and jeans. My husband likes skirts shorts ones at that.

I promised myself I will open up to him. And I gonna. It's just gonna take allot of understanding on his part. I hope he is up for this challenged cause lord know I am. I want a good relationship. He is my bes friend and at one point in time thats all he had become. Lot a lover or a husband but just my best friend. Now he will be my lover and my husband. And most important just there for me.

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I know how you feel my husband has been away now for 4 months... Before that he was gone for eight months and then home for three... I have a two year old son that is driving insane literally and I think I have developed a tic! I work forty hours a week and go to school and take care of my son but I still feel like a shitty mom. I am terrified of my husband coming home because it is like we have to re introduce each other to ourselves. Does that make sense? I get to talk to him all the time but still... I love him so much I just want to be the woman he deserves. I am in aww that a man like him loves me (and he does even with the tic lol). I am just trying to take it day by day. If your husband loves you he wont care how big you are but if it is your weight is really bothering you when he gets back why dont you guys start to go to the gym together. This will give you guys time together away from the kids. And when you get back from the gym you can always prretend that you are sore and need a massage. Thats what I do lol it always ends up goooood... Oh and by the way i ran a in home day care too. It blows nough said. I hope that all goes well!

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