[Trying to Reach My Stubborn Husband]

Since I became sexually active, it's been meaningless. For 5 years, it was guys I barely knew who only talked to me when they wanted me to come over for the night. It was dangerous and sometimes humiliating. I was so naive to what I was doing to myself mentally. Then I met my man and that changed. We've been together 4 years and have a son together and it just seems like our sex life is so stagnant. It's all about speed and getting off. I want something deeper. We've tried tantric sex and it was just awkward. He's just not that kind of guy but I want to be that type of woman. How do I reach him on that level? I really want to try new things but even after 4 years, it's still very hard to be sexually vulnerable. Anyway it seems like when I am on that level, he's not, we lose the intimacy and it becomes about the speed and getting it done.

Sorry for the essay.. Any advice would be amazing. Thank you. 

[Hi Everyone]

Hi everyone, this is my first time on ANY forum like this. Was raised by a super religious, introverted, anti social dad who saw anything sexual as tabboo so now, while I LOVE having intimate time with my man and I love feeling vulnerable with him, when I do things alone, it feels dirty. Iit has affected my relationship with my husband (it's gotten worse since I became a mom, as if I feel bad for feeling any sort of sexuality at all. Anyway. Trying new things and trying to branch out and break myself away from the way I was raised. Hoping it all goes smoothly. ThNks for letting me vent.