telecom69

I've posted this same issue on the fourm, but in different ways. I've had some great respsonses back from many, so thanks. When do you decide if you and your mate are just sexually incompatible? My girlfriend is still so quiet and continues to give me NO feedback about what she likes while making love. She is embarrased to tell me in person, so I'll often ask her in an email to maybe take the pressure off. She will not even reply to those. I love her so deeply, do everything for her, and have been pretty patient for SEVEN months. I'm not expecting a wild porn chick or anything like that to come out of her, but just some basic feedback about what she likes. Is that asking to much? We have talked about it, but she says she is worried she will say something stupid or wrong. She continues to say she doesn't know what she likes. I ask her to let me help her find out what she likes and nurture her sexually, but still nothing. Sex was always a chore for her in 20 yrs of marriage and did not like it and she said she rarely masturbated and has never had an orgasm. She has given me feedback only once about some progress she is making with a vibrator I got her to find out about herself in private. This morning I avoided sex with her because I'm becoming frustrated and feeling like I'm the only person in the room while making love and no feedback from her. If I'm avoiding sex, that is a problem. I want this to be ENJOYABLE for her. I don't care about myself. I would be glad to do anything for her and not even worry about me getting my nut off. I know if I expressed my feelings to her like I just did here, she would probably get very sad, feel inadequate, and tell me this may not work out then. I have not and will not go look for it elsewhere (though it has been offered to me by another female aquaintance), as that is not fair to her either. I'm really not a shallow guy, and I'll cointinue to be patient and supportive, but I don't know how much longer I can go. Am I out of line?

Good to hear that news Nevercame. Enjoy. Just make sure you pass what you learn to your husband, and he will love it. I'm still waiting to have my girlfriend pass on what she is learning about herself in private to me. My 44 yr old girlfriend it still trying to discover herself much as you are\did. Its made her feel very inadequate compared to what she hears from other women. She is still so quiet during sex and says practically nothing. Even when I ask her during love making, oral, etc. what feels good and how would she like me to do it, she still says nothing back to me. It has been frustrating, but I continue to be patient, loving and supportive. Its been like this for about six months. Early this morning before work I did oral on her for about 15 mins. Towards the end her legs got very tense, she was moaning, breathing hard, pelvis going up and down, and saying "Oh God" a lot of times before she took my head away. She didn't say anything to me about what it felt like, and I'm not going to assume she had an orgasm. If she did, I would assume she would have said so, and I'm not the type to ask her and put her on the spot and have to lie to me. I tell her how much I love her during all this, how sexy she is and how good she feels. I just need to give her more time I guess. I'll wait. I have to much love for her to give up.

First off, is he pleasing you sexually and emotionally? Second, just ask him what he likes. Most guys would just like to be asked and communicted with. The talk doesn't necessarity have to be "dirty". Guys love stuff like "harder, easier, more here, yes.. that is good". Once you say it a few times, it will get easier. But the first couple of times can be difficult to get over the fence.

Thank you libragirl2564! Your reply was very reassuring to me and prevented me from saying some things to her that may have hurt her, which is the LAST thing I want to do. I would like to hear more on your similar experiences if you don't mind. The positive posts on this forum are excellent. When I first found this forum and posted here, I thought it would all be porn based flame posts back, but the posts have been mature, postitive, and constructive. When falling deeply in love, we sometimes become blinded by it and what is truly happening around us. I know it has me. We've agreed to take a two week break from any sex to see what happens and take some presure off us. In my case, patience is truly a virtue. Thx....

My girlfriend (44 yrs old) is finally starting to experience orgasms on her own now with the vibrator I bought her to learn about herself in private. She said she is learning how and where to touch now, is very grateful I got it for her, and how patient I've been so far to help her learn about all of this. Believe me, she knew almost nothing. She has had almost no sexual experience in her 44 yrs and is almost like starting from scratch. We love each other deeply. She still can't orgasm from her own hand, my hands or oral. I consider myself pretty experienced, so hopefully that isn't the issue. I guess all guys say that though When I ask if we can use the vibrator together, she says she is to embarrased and won't do it. I have been pretty patient thru this process oven seven months to help her self esteem, show her that sex is wonderful and fun, and that sex is not bad or immoral. She has come a long way with my support and patience, and tells me so often, and that she feels she is living life more now because of me. I tell her she can use it on herself while I hold and kiss her, or I can use it on her while having intercourse, none of which she will do. I'm almost to the point where I don't even want to have sex now. I guess I'm feeling left out. Is she hooked only on the vibrator now? I admit it, I'm getting frustrated with this. I've told her she is more important to me than sex, but I believe now the vibrator provides her physical relief, and me only the intimate emotional side. I know, give her more time Help....

Looking for Magic Wand vibrator opinions. Is this as good as they say, or two cumbersome? Girlfriend is actually interested.

I actually would like to take a break from sex to take the pressure off of both of us, but this makes her feel like she is letting me down, which she isn't. I've told her I am fine without it for now and love the emotional intimacy we share. She is still fighting demons from her old sex life in which she just felt used by her husband of 22 yrs. She hated having sex with him and just did it to not rock the boat. Thye would just do it for mabe 10 mins, go to the bathroom to clean up and then go bto sleep. I love foreplay with her before, and we spend a lot of time after cuddling, laughing, kissing, etc. She still says it takes some getting used to to be caressed and held after making love, but she now thrives on it, and so do I. I guess I'm weird in that I like all that to. Hey, I'm 46 yrs old now and I've been thru the bang em and leave em days, and that no longer appeals to me anymore and hasn't for awhile. I'm considered attractive and in very good shape for my age. My girlfriend is a few lbs over weight and is self consious about the differences in our looks. She is so beautiful to me, but she still wonders why I'm with her, and that creates some issues to. She has told me that any day she expects me to tell her "its been fun, see ya". I have no plans for that. I like all the advice about backing off and taking it easy for awhile. Thx...

I never bring up anything about past lovers or the ex to her. I know that is not good at all. Yes, she does need to be nurtured sexually and she has told me that. "You know what to do...the kissing, touching, foreplay, talking to her sweetly, eye contact. Make sure she hears and see's I love you when you are making love to her. You guys haven't been together that long." I do all of that on a regular basis and it does help. We've been together for about seven months, but I didn't tell her I loved her and express those emotions to her until about a month ago. I really fell in love with her over a long time period and wanted to make sure of those feelings before I told her so. Her attitude has change a lot since I told her. Good to hear all of this from a womans viewpoint. Thx....

My girlfriend loves me deeply, and I can see those intense emotional feelings for me everytime I see her. I love her deeply to. As I've posted before, sex really doesn't seem that important to her, at least as I see it. She still can't orgasm via masturbation or with me. I've tried pretty much everything. She is getting really stressed out about it to and feels she is letting me down. I know sex would become more important once she can experience an orgasm though. It sure did to my ex-wife! She says she wants to experience one of those "wild screaming intense" orgams that her friends say they have and that she reads about. I've told her not all women have orgams like that. What I'm trying to say is sometimes I think she only has sex with me to take care of me and to keep me around. I hate that feeling, as I don't want her to feel that way. Often when I think she feels like that, I lose any arousal and don't want to be intimate. Comments? She says she uses a vibrator about once a week, without much success. She says she gets to a point of high excitement, but it only lasts for maybe lasts 1-2 seconds. Could she be having an orgasm and disregarding it since the feeling is so brief? Comments?

I know a lot of men enjoy watching women maturbate ( I do), but do most women like to watch a man masturbate. My ex-wife LOVED watching me masturbate while she mastubated herself. She said her orgams were always better while she watched me. Visual stimulation I guess. I want to approach it with my girlfriend who is prety reserved. All she can say is "no thanks" I guess. I would lke to hear from the ladies out there. Thanks....

There are a lot of women out there who haven't experienced orgasms until their late 30s to mid-40s. This is interesting. Was your first orgasm with masturbating, new lovers, whatever? I'm curious as to what finally worked for you.

Well, I must say this weekend I saw some changes in my girlfriend. Now that she really understands and believes how much I love her, this seems to have opened her up more. We were taking a nice bath with candles and having a drink. Things get heated up, and well, the bath tub doesn't have much room. We get out of the bath with me taking her hand and leading her. She thinks I'm leading her to her room. Instead, I put her up on the bathroom counter with candlelight around us, with me standing in front of her and we proceed to do it right there with her legs over my shoulders. God, was I excited. She was even giving me some feedback while I had two fingers in her to massage her G-spot. She has NEVER done that before. She is pretty conservative and I've been taking things slowy, but I just did this to see what she would do. She loved doing it on the bathroom counter and it was very hot. Her response did surprise me. So, today while in the car in a large store parking lot, I put her hand on my crotch (never done this before) since I had wood from thinking of last night. She loved that to and said it got her excited. If it wasn't for the 100 degree day, I think she would have done it in the car to. I finally understand the emotional connection between a woman, trust, and sex. She is telling me its starting to get easier for her to give feedback since she trusts me now and knows I'm committed. Comments?

I didn't think about it like that with the fact that she has been having sex like that for years and it will be hard to overcome. Very good point. I don't mind being patient, as she is worth waiting for. She had a bad cold and stayed home yesterday. I surprised her and showed up unannounced at her apt with homemade chicken soup, a small piece of apple pie, and a flower. I was surprised at how good something so simple like that made her feel, and she let me know it. She was all over me and it said she can't wait until she feels better. Doing that for her seemed like an aphrodisiac. Is stuff like that really a big deal for women? If a women has a low libido\sexdrive and is happy with the emotional side of the relationship, I guess that is normal to? She has said just to give her time to change old feelings and the way she was brought up. They say patience is a virtue.

Thanks for all the words of wisdom and input. My main concern isn't so much that she isn't having orgasms. I think that will come with time. As sexysandra stated, I think this is probably more my issue than hers for now. The concern is she says absolutely NOTHING during sex. And I mean nothing! I'll ask her when doing oral is she likes it this way, slower, faster, etc. with no feedback at all. She says she just can't bring herself to talk to me in that she might say something stupid. So, I have to judge her pleasure by how she is physically reacting. She will start breathing faster and moving her hips up and down when doing oral on her. Sometimes I may hear a very quiet "Oh God", but thats about it. Sometimes I think she has actually had an slight orgasm,but isn't sure what she is supposed to feel. Her breathing gets very rapid, and her legs and buttocks will tighten up before she tells me to quit. She tells me to stop since her clitoris is to sensitive and that the mood is gone. How can I get her to give me feedback? I've never been with a women like this, but this is the one I've ever loved the most and feel the closet to. She has said sex isn't the most important thing in our relationship, and I agree with that. But, I know that bringing another level of sexual pleasure for her would do wonders for both if us.

Hi sexysandy, Wow, you hit most of it right on the head (no pun intended) with your feedback. She has told me that she concentrates on giving me pleasure during sex and she does't focus on herself at all. I've told her that if she focuses more on herself that it will give me plenty of pleasure to see her getting excited. I have told her all those things and more without being to graphic. I love you, you feel so good, you turn me on so much, your body is beautiful. I say them because I mean them and that is how I really feel, just not some BS. I have used the "P" word a couple of times and I don't think it bothered her. We've tried masturbating each other a couple of times and that was a fantastic experience! I'm never sure how she is going to accept it when I try something new with her. I can always orgasm (what guy can't), but I want her to have the pleasure to. Its not because of some macho thing, I just want her to experience those wonderful feelings we all want. Our sexual experience differences does bother her. She asked me one time how sex was with my ex, and I told her very good. In hindsight that was the wrong thing to say and now I think she thinks she has to compare herself to that. I know she is deeply in love with me (and me her), and I sometimes get the feeling that the emotional side of the relationship is fine with her, but I know she would like to open up more in bed. God, I can just imagine. I feel like a 17 yr old kid even though I'm 46. I model clothes sometimes, and she isn't what you consider the best looking women in most guys eyes, but to me she IS. She often wonders why I'm with her and her self esteem is low. I had a wonderful connection with her and fell in love with her. That is why I'm with her. In my eyes she is beautiful physically and emotionally. Shes told me many time she has never been loved like this, and always felt her husband just used her for a sexual outlet. She hated sex and felt like it was her wifely duty to keep the peace. No women should have to go thru that. I know many women need the emotional connection to enjoy sex more, and we certainly have that. I KNOW there is this sexy wonderful women inside of her and we both would love to experience it.

My 44 yr old girlfriend has never had an orgasm. I bought her a vibrator to help her explore herself in private. She says she gets close when masturbating, but then loses all feeling and her clitoris is to sensitive to continue and she loses the moodm thus stops. This same thing happens when I do oral on her. She also will during sex NEVER talk to me about what feels good for her and this is becoming very frustrating for me, and her. She says she feels embarrased and its hard to tell me what feels good. She was married for 22 yrs and is VERY inexperienced with sex, though I am showing her more. She said she has done more with me in five months than she did in 22 yrs of marriage or with three other partners she had before me. This has been going on for over five months. I love her dearly and want her to experience these things, and will continue to be patient. She just never really seems relaxed. She grew up that good girls don't do this stuff and seems to have some mental issues preventing her from going over the edge. She compares herself to other women\friends who experience orgasms and she see herself as a failure. I assure her she is not a failure. We've tried relaxing baths with candles, then massages and then into sex very slowly. Nothing seems to really get her going. She assures me I turn her on, but she doesn't know why she feels like this. I've even offered to pay for a sex therapist for her with no luck yet. Any positive comments are appreciated.