[Flirting]

Although I think that it is true that a smile makes women more appealing....there is something to be said about a sultry look...think about the front of a porn box...those women are not "smiling" but they are hot damn sexy!

Just my opinion!

Mikayla

I agree with Howard. When my gf is naked and has a warm appealing smile, that is the bomb! Sometimes the simplest things are the most sexy.

Telecom

[No O With Me]

I think your girlfriend my have a sensitization issue! I really feel for her - and for you! If I had build-up after build-up and never O'ed I would be so frustrated! I think you might want to have her try this Viva cream that they have here - it is on special for $1.99. I tried it (the review will be up shortly) it is designed for women with sensitivity issues. Here is the package insert:

"While response varies from woman to woman, usually there will be a gentle warm tingling sensation within moments of rubbing the gel on the clitoral area. Most women relate this as pleasurable and intensely arousing. As the benefits continue and the blood flow increases into the area, you may notice an escalation in warmth and tingling and a sense of sexual urgency.

Any woman who wants to enhance her sexual responsiveness, increase

her pleasure, and facilitate her ability for orgasms can benefit from the

use of Viva Cream. Only 25% of women achieve an orgasm from intercourse alone and many more women are frustrated by their lack of sexual fulfillment and pleasure. Viva Cream can help any woman wanting to have an enriched and more fulfilling sex life.

While every woman is unique, Viva Cream can help most women with repeated use. It is recommended that a woman use Viva Cream at least

3-5 times in a short time span to realize the full benefits. If there is no enhancement after a minimum of 5 uses, a woman may need to seek professional help from a gynecologist.

Viva Cream is lightly flavored with a hint of mint so as to not interfere with oral sex. In fact, the benefits of may be increased by additional foreplay. Viva Cream is also safe for use with condoms."

And here is my review:

Living La Viva Loca! Ok ladies…this product is for ALL OF YOU! I have always silently (and sometimes not so silently) wondered about those sexual enhancement products that are made to increase sexual pleasure when applied to the clitoris, so I finally tried one. Let me give you the scoop…..this one really and truly works!

I tried Viva Cream for women with a sort of “yeah right” attitude, and let me tell you, that attitude is gone! First, let me just say, I do not like products which are sticky, smelly or greasy (I am a bit obsessive / compulsive) – Viva cream is none of the aforementioned! This topical gel is clear, non-greasy, non-smelly and is applied in a SMALL AMOUNT to the clitoral area. Once applied, it immediately – 5 seconds – starts to tingle and bring blood to your clit! The pamphlet says the sensation will be warm – but I distinctly recognize the feeling as COLD. I do not know if having a shaved nether region plays into that at all, but for me, it felt cold – but entirely pleasurable and arousing!

I used my Hustler Mini Massager to try out the extra stimulation – and let me tell you – the sensations were different! I had my first orgasm quickly - it was much more intense – and then I had a few more soon after. What I immediately noticed is since this product helps to bring blood to the clitoris, I was still extremely aroused after my many orgasms! I suggested my hubby go down and give my some oral! He was concerned about the ‘taste’ but the pamphlet suggested it was safe so down he went! He reported that not only was there very little taste – maybe a hint of mint - but that my clit was definitely extremely engorged! He brought me to many more orgasms quickly – and he was excited that he didn’t have to work too hard to do it!

I am pleasantly surprised with this product! I will be using it to increase the intensity of my orgasms from now on! The best news – the package comes with 3 tubes, and a little goes a long, long way! One little dab lasted me 20 – 30 minutes (I wasn’t exactly watching the clock!) I will be telling all my friends that if they want a little “extra” something during sex or masturbation, or if they are a little desensitized, give this product a try! Soon all my friends will be Living La VIVA Loca!

Now, I am not trying to blantantly sell this product, but since the review is not posted yet for you to read, and since I know this product would probably help her, or at least give her some chance of extra feeling AND since it is ON SPECIAL for $1.99 I thought you might want to know.....

So, you have come this far with her....try this....anything is worth a try at this point....right???

Mikayla

Yes, anything is worth a try. I'll try a sample with her and give you some feedback.

Telecom

[No O With Me]

I've had a lot of private messages with some (Thank You!) on this, but what else can a guy do? I'm 46 yrs old and have been around the block in my life sexually, but have never been with a woman like this. My gf seems to be able to orgasm with her vibrator "sometimes" (about half the time she tells) now in private, but still can't with me. I bought her both vibrators as she never would herself. With me either being vaginal intercourse, oral on her, her using the vibe on herself in front of me or me using it on her, hand stimulation, and anything else you can think of. She says she feels comfortable with me, loves me deeply, and trusts me 100%. I treat her very well, respect her, set the moments right for sex, lots of foreplay, I'm romantic, displays of public affection, compliments all the time, build her confidence... well, you get what I'm saying. Most of the time she is on the brink of an orgasm with me, but then says to stop as the feeling left. FRUSTRATING. This has just got to be a comfort\relaxing thing with her and me, but I can't understand why from all the things she tells me. This has been like this for almost a year.

Telecom

[I-buzz]

Ok, what song would buzz you the longest?

My vote would be "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" by Iron Butterfly. You younger ones won't remember that song.

Telecom

[Sex Life? Whats That?]

You said you have been with this guy for six years, so that means you have been with him since you were 14 yrs old. Damn, you haven't lived life at all and you need to. Find a real man (doesn't always mean sex) who will treat you decent and make you feel special. You can't beat the wonderful emotions you'll experience when you're in a relationship we're both of you are more equal and happy. If a guy really enjoys sex and all that comes with it in a relationship, he'll want to please you both sexually and emotionally in bed. Good Luck...

Telecom

[Husband Has No Sexual Interests!]

GIRLFRIEND YOU ARE SO NOT ALONE.......YANNO I GET SO MAD AT SOME OF MY FRIENDS WHEN THEY COMPLAIN THAT THEIR MEN WANT SEX 5 TIMES A DAY.........SHIT TO ME THATS A HUGE COMPLIMENT TO A GIRL............YOUR MAN WANTING U ALL THE TIME........TRY HAVING A MAN WHO COULD CARELESS......WETHER HE DOES OR DOESNT TOUCH U.........I CANT TELL U THE LAST TIME MY HUSBAND AND I EVEN HAD A PASSIONATE (TONGUE TWIRLING ) KISS!!! IM NOT VERY MANY YEARS BEHIND U ON THE MARRIAGE THING AND I LIKE U AM BLOWN AWAY THAT I HAVE LASTED THIS LONG!!! I JUST KEEP THINKING HE WILL WAKE UP ONE DAY AND HAVE A HUGE SEX DRIVE AND ALL WILL BE WELL.....WELL I KEEP WAKING UP BUT NOTHING CHANGES AND IT IS EVEN WORSE NOW THAT HE IS GONE TO IRAQ......I HAVE BECOME SO INDEPENDENT I THINK THAT FREAKS HIM OUT.......THE WEIGHT LOSS........OTHER GUYS NOTICING ME......MY INDEPENDENCE (I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AN INDEPENDENT GIRL BUT HAVE REALLY GOTTEN THAT WAY IN THE LAST 3 YEARS) SEX WAS SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER AND INTENSE WHEN I WAS SINGLE........HEEHEE.......MARRIAGE DOES CHANGE THOSE THINGS I GUESS......WE JUST GET TO COMFORTABLE WITH WHO WE ARE AND AS A COUPLE.....AND WORK TAKES HOLD OF OUR LIVES AND THINGS JUST GET INTO SO MUCH OF A ROUTINE.....I DONT KNOW.........ALL I KNOW IS IM VERY MUCH AFRAID IF THINGS DONT CHANGE THE BIG "D" IS ON THE HORIZON!!! I WOULD HATE TO THINK THAT I WOULD LEAVE BECAUSE OF LACK OF SEX AND PASSION.......BUT WHATS A GIRL TO DO??? I HONESTLY CAN SAY I LOVE GOING OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS CAUSE I GET ATTENTION FROM MEN......THEY LOK AT ME AND TALK TO ME......I LOVE BEING NOTICED........

MY HUSBAND AND I WENT TO A FRIENDS WEDDING RECEPTION A YEAR AND A HALF AGO AND I GOT TIPSY AND KEPT BEGGING HIM TO DANCE WITH ME.......HE REFUSED......SO I SAID SCREW IT SIT THERE ALL ALONE AND BE UN-SOCIAL.....I WENT AND HUNG WITH MY FRIENDS AND EVERYONE IN THE PLACE WAS UP DANCIN MY MAN WAS THE ONLY STICK IN THE MUDD SITTING AT THE TABLES.........WE WERE ALL FAST DANCIN AND A SLOW SONG CAME ON...I LOOKED AT HIM TO COME DANCE WITH ME.......HE TURNED AWAY.......SO THIS GUY (A MUTUAL FRIEND) ASKED ME TO DANCE I SAID SURE.......AS SOON AS HE PUT HIS HAND AROUND MY WASTE.......MY HUSBAND WAS UP AND IN MY FACE.......SAID I WILL DANCE WITH MY WIFE.......THE GUY SAID WELL IT'S ABOUT TIME U PAID ATTENTION TO HER TONIGHT.......SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!! LOL

ANYWAYS THAT IS JUST A SYNOPSIS OF OTHER ISSUES WE HAVE BESIDES IN THE BEDROOM........IT'S CALLED BEING MARRIED TO A COP........WHO DOESNT INTERACT WITH ANYONE ELSE FOR FEAR OF RUINING HIS IMAGE LET ALONE WITH ME IN THE BEDROOM........I WISH U THE BEST OF LUCK.......PRAY FOR EACHOTHER I GUESS EY??

These posts are so intriguing. Its a place where we can go and vent, be very personal, and relieve some pent up emotions without any repercussions. There are a few on here who have helped me a lot. You know who you are, so thx very much.

My girlfriend of one year has some issues and doesn't reciprocate the attention, romance, respect, and love I give her... well, at least not in the sex dept. If she just wanted to do half the things you ladies want to do I would be ecstatic. I love to do long passionate kisses, touching her hair and face, holding her and kissing her in public, bringing flowers to her work so her coworkers can see how I care about her, etc. I would literally do anything she wanted to do in bed. So, its goes both ways ladies.

If you can avoid the divorce, PLEASE do it. Tell your husband exactly how you feel and be very adamant about it. If it doesn't wake him up, then it will be his loss.

Telecom

[Husband Has No Sexual Interests!]

I was not as Heavy....until about 2 years later (after we married) his sex drive sucked from day one......I admit the extra weight didnt help...But I had lost 118 lbs way before he left for Iraq......like 2 years before........so that can't be used as his excuse.....do u understand what I mean?? I once asked him why he didnt like sex this was a few months after we were married......he said and I quote "Sex to me is like a new toy to a baby...you get it and it's all new and so you play with it for awhile and then eventually the NEW wears off and you toss it in the toy box and someday you find it again and it's all new again"!! I told him Im not a toy he can just play with when it's right for him........

I think you will find that he may be a little intimidated when he sees your new looks. If you are more sexual now to since you feel you look great, he may not be as trusting of you to when he goes back and be wondering. But, it is both of your responsibilities to work it out and hopefully he will realize that. My niece's husband was in Iraq for a year and wounded, but ok. He was back for about eight months and is going back again next month. My prayers for your husbands safety.

Telecom

[Wpuld You Shave Your Lover?]

If the question is, " would I let my lover shave my crotch ", heck yeah! Why not? Its all foreplay if your mind is so inclinced, and what guy would be upset if his lover was holding his cock, while she moved it first one way, and then another, to shave off the hair, on and around it, and then proceed down to his balls, and anus? As long as the water is warm, and her hands are soft, , and she knows what she is doing with a safety razor, I can't see how this wouldn't be a lot of fun.

If she would let me, hell yes. She is about 50% shaven now on her own. I don't want it to be 100%, but more would be cool. I like some carpet :-)

Telecom

[Hot Older Woman]

I have always had an attraction to an older woman to whom I used to work with, she was single at the time (divorced) when she and I hooked up. The passion between the two of us was "fantastic" She taught me new ways to "fuck" and I also taught her some new positions that she enjoyed doing with me. After our "fling" she got married and disappeared from my life. Then her new spouse died suddenly and she called me up one day and wanted to know if I was still "interested" and I told her "only as a friend" and not as a "lover. She moved on to another man and you won't believe this, but he too, passed away. She was living out of my town with this other man and I didn't know that he had died. I saw her in the grocery store a short time later and she gave me the "look" The one she gave me whenever she wanted to "fuck". I waited a few weeks and then I contacted her. She gave me a nude photo of herself from years before, and said "I thought that you might want something to remember me by". I took this jesture as a clear sign that she wanted to start our "love-affair" all over again. But everytime I call her, she acts disinterested. What gives? Didn't she and I share some awesome moments together once, I Think So!!! Didn't she enjoy it when I buried my face in her "pussy"? I believe she did. She is no longer the red-haired vixen that I fell for so many years ago. She has snow white hair and has put on a few extra pounds. Is it the fact that I am "married"? That didn't seem to stop her those many years ago. I wouldn't mind "fucking" a sixty-three year old babe, again. What are your thoughts.

If you hook up with her, you many die to. Just kidding.

Is it really worth it again if you're married? Enjoy what you experienced and move on. Put your effort into your current spouse if possible.

Telecom

[What Do I Do To Make Him Wild When Having Sex?]

So, you want to know how to participate with your man while having sex?

Well, touch him, hold him, moan, groan, move, shake, grind, bump, change positions, take control, be submissive, be dominant, be assertive, talk dirty, play with yourself, initiaite sex, initiate the discussion of sex, let him know you want sex, NEVER, EVER just lie there like a rag doll with a hole he is using! In any, all and more of these way can you participate in sex! The key here is "interaction!"

You asked about the contracting of vaginal muscles, these are you PC muscles, and are the same ones you use when you do kegels or stop or start the flow of urine. If you gain control of these muscles, through practice (kegels) you will be able to clench down on your man's cock and really give him a nice, tight sensation that he will love! It will also help to keep your vagina in tip-top shape! Also, it is good to note that women who have control of their PC muscles can sit atop their men and just "milk" their cocks and bring them, and themselves, to great orgasms doing nothing but sitting there! How wonderful is that? So, yes....girl, practice those kegels!

You also want to know what is the most pleasurable way to ride for him with you on top. First, why not concentrate on what is pleasurable for BOTH of you? I admire you fervor in wanting to pleasure your man, but it can be good for you too!

Being on top can be a great position for a woman. Simply sitting on top, facing him, with your knees bent can give you the power of speed, and him the power to play with you...your clit, your tits. It is only a bad position if you get tired easily!

So switch it up...get up on those feet and lower yourself down on his cock and start riding up and down fast and furious....then go down on your knees slow grinds. Then switch it up and lay down on him with your legs extended back by his feet. Rub up and down on him in the femal missionary. This is a great position for clitoral stimulation!

Or, you can really switch things up and turn around, facing his feet, get up on his cock, and kneel. This position is great for him because he gets a perfect shot of his cock going in your pussy! It is extremely arousing and good for clitoral stimulation too. Then, you can again straigten the legs by his head and he can pull your legs to help you ride.

For a switch on woman on top, try the X. You lower down on him, then lie back so the two of you look like an X. He can see his cock in your pussy, he can play with your clit, the tip of his cock gets all the action, and I guarantee you will cum quickly if he is playing with your clit! Great position for long sessions, and good position for resting periods!

So, try them all and NEVER, EVER forget your pleasure too!

Have FUN!

Mikayla

Foxy,

I agree with Mikayla. If you want to drive a many crazy, think of your pleasure. Your man will see this and he will love it! My current gf is so quiet and almost does nothing during sex, so this of course does not get me going and is almost a turn off. My gf is easily distracted and just thinks of me, which in reality works against her and me. Let him know what feels good and communicate it. That is what will drive him wild!

Telecom

[Dirty Dancing]

I know this isn't really a sex question, but wanted some advice from the ladies and how you feel about doing this.

You know how my gf is and how she is still learning about her sexuality. Sexuality and love to me is a lot more than just what happens in the bedroom, and I'm trying to teach my gf that. We've been out dancing a few times during the year relationship, but I have never been really sexual with her while dancing. Well, last night I wanted to show her something different and see what she would do. We were at a dance club and when I took her out on the floor for the third time, I just went ahead and did really sexual dancing with her, but nothing obscene. Going up and down her ass with my hands, stroking her hair, lots of kissing, grinding against her pubic bone, feeling my hard on against her, telling her how I feel about her, etc. She said she loved it and had never done that with anyone before and found it sexy and a turn on.

Thx.. Telecom

[Can A Woman Be Too Wet?]

Thats one of the biggest turn on's there is IMO. To know that my girl is wet is almost better than her even touching me, especially to know that I made her that way. I dont think a girl can be too wet...no such thing.

BeyondBlessed

Sure, "wet" is a huge turn on for me to. My gf just doesn't get very wet and Astroglide is a must 75% of the time. My ex did get really wet to and that was very nice. Lube almost never required.

Thats one of the biggest turn on's there is IMO. To know that my girl is wet is almost better than her even touching me, especially to know that I made her that way. I dont think a girl can be too wet...no such thing.

BeyondBlessed

Sure, "wet" is a huge turn on for me to. My gf just doesn't get very wet and Astroglide is a must 75% of the time. My ex did get really wet to and that was very nice. Lube almost never required.

[Trouble Orgasming]

I have a patient partner after being with an impatient husband for 23 years, but I feel like a beginner. I seem to become more aroused with oral stimulation, but don't always have an orgasm. I wonder if you could recommend a toy that we could use together to help me have more consistent orgasms without taking all night? I become too impatient then and just want to give up.

When you say your current partner is patient, what do you mean?

[Sensitive Clit]

Ok, right before she takes your head or hands away, do you feel a "pulsing" down there, a kind of heartbeat kind of sensation?

Is she moaning, or panting, or grinding right before it? Or is there a gush of extra liquid? Any and all of these signs indicate her orgasm, and right after it is when she would be sensitive. You should definitely be able to tell if she is having an orgasm, especially if your fingers are in her, or your tongue is down there. Just go fast until she cums, then apply pressure around the clit, not on it, but don't stop, lick around the lips, lick the juices, lick the lips, in a minute or two go back to the clit and get the next orgasm. Don't let her take your head or hand away. Tell her you are going for multiples here and she is going to love it!

Mikayla

Not sure about the pulsing sensation. She is doing some quiet moaning, panting\breathing faster, and her hips are going up and down, but not grinding left to right or in a circular motion. The hip movement is very slow at first and then becomes very rythmic. I can't sense any extra liquid. She does tense her lower body before she tells me to take my head away.

I'm of three opinions of this. 1.) she is so close to the edge, but she just can't let go for whatever reason and tells me to quit. 2.) she is actually having an orgasm, but maybe was expecting something so mind blowing that she disregards it as no orgasm. 3.) she really isn't experiencing much pleasure and just tells me the "feeling went away" to get it over with when in fact she never had "the feeling".

Her eyes are always closed while I'm doing it. I'm having a talk with her tomorrow to fully understand this and hope she is blunt honest.

My ex would contract and tense her lower body during her orgams, so that is familiar to me. And she would tell me when she was cumming and to go faster.

[Sensitive Clit]

My suggestion, don't wait. Ride it through, let him keep touching you. It isn't realy "pain" it is intense pleasure that is explemplifying itself as pain. So get to it and see what happens, you will become multi-orgasmic in no time, you'll be belting them out!

mikayla

Thanks Mikayla,

This is what I'm trying to figure out with my gf to go thru it and see what happens. She'll get to that point and is very clear to stop by pulling my head up or taking my hand(s) off. I'm thinking maybe if I just slowed down and applied very light pressure for a while that could get her to continue. I'm still not really sure if she is even having an orgasm or not.

[Sensitive Clit]

How many of the ladies out there experience this?

After an orgasm of any intensity with clit stimulation by your partner using hand, vibe, tounge, etc.... how senstive is your clit where you don't anymore stimulation and say thats it? How long do you wait until your clit is not so sensitvie where you may let your partner stimulate you again?

[Women Mastubation Question]

The reason I was asking is because my gf said (at least that is what she told me) she has never inserted her vibe for stimulation. I gently siad she should try it some time. She is still learning herself and doesn't feel comfortable with it still. I personally think she has, but she just won't tell me. She comes out and asks me the other night if I ever masturbate and without hesitation I said yes. She asked what do I think about while doing it, and I told her I think of her masturbating. Hopefully that will open her eyes more. She was up for the vibe I bought her several months ago, but I'm not sure what she would do if I offered to get her a smaller dildo to start. Can't hurt to ask I guess.

[Women Mastubation Question]

Questions for the ladies here. When you masturbate, what percentage of the time is only clitoral stimulation as opposed to penetration with a vibe or dildo. What about both clitoral stimulation and penetration.?

Telecom

[How Often]

how often is multiple times more than 4? when I was a teenager, i would jerk off sometimes 4 times a day. it never got in the way of my other activities, but If you become where it interferes, that is too much.

My 15 year old gets "jiggy with it" all the time. I know sometimes 3x a day. You know, long showers, door locked in bedroom, etc. I know its normal, but damn. I find porno pics ripped from magazines hidden in the bathroom and his room. I left the password off my satellite dish once and he ran up $60 worth of porn movies one week before I got the bill and almost killed him for that. This was during the summer, so he was hving fun during the day.

This is really funny. My oldest son is 20 now, but when he was 17 I caught him up late on a school night whacking it. I saw the light on under his door about 1am and opened it to tell him to go to bed. He is whacking to a porn movie he got from somewhere, and then just looks at me like it is no big deal and says "Dad, I'm beating off, close the door." He wasn't embarrased in the least. I was more embarrased myself that I just closed the door and left. We never said anything else about it again.

Telecom...

[Sex Toys]

I was recently talking to a brother of mine and he told me that he and his wife have only had one vibe. It was purchased years ago and broke over a year ago. He was thinking about replacing it and was not sure if he was ready to yet. I cannot think of going with out a vibe now-a-days, I mean when one type of vibe breaks in my toybox, it gets replaced ASAP. I have owned numerous eggs, slimlines, and so on. I have only had one dual action and it has definately earned a permanent spot in our box of goodies. when it goes, I might get two just to replace it.

So all this comes to this, can we have too much of a good thing? Do we ever over spend on sex toys? Are they addicting? If all of your toys(vibes, plugs, restraints, ect) broke, died, snapped, disintergrated in the next 30 minutes, what would you do? Could you have fulfilling sex with out them or are we dependant on them for pleasure. Me, I know I am gonna go buy a cheapie vibe and some lube, maybe even shell out the extra cash for a dual action at the local store(which is about double the cost of ordering on-line). I know that I need them as much as my wife loves them.

What would you do?

Good question Crazy.

A long time friend of mine got his wife a thick 7" dildo that she wanted to try. He regrets it now.. read on. He says he is about 5.5-6" hard with average thickness and now his wife never wants to just have intercourse with him as much and wants to get banged with the dildo all the time. He said there sex life (at least his) has gone down a lot knowing his wife wants and uses the dildo more now. He has had times when his wife and him planned to have sex in the evening, but found out she is taking care of herself with the dildo during the day and doesn't want to have sex with him as much. He is not a happy camper anymore. Obviously the dildo is satisfying her more since she is used to something bigger now. What is a guy to do in this situation? I told him to post on this site, but he won't.

[Help For A Beginner]

It is strange. I am a very open person except when it comes to the issue of sex and masturbation. It is probably the Catholic guilt thing but I really could use some help/advice losing my inhibitions.

By way of background, I am 29 and in med school and I have masturbated less than 5 times in my entire life (all in the last year) and had sex with 1 man (9 years ago). When I was younger, I thought it was wrong and sinful to masturbate like many have posted here on the forums but now, I realize how ridiculous I was being and want to have a fulfilled life that includes embracing my sexuality. I do not want to be closed off or uncomfortable with any aspect of myself.

That being said, I have never been able to get myself off-- I realize that I am probably doing something very wrong. Yes, I have plenty of medical texts but trust me when I say that a little information can be a dangerous thing-- I don't want this to be technical. I do get stimulated when I read steamy passages or watch hot tv shows (not porn- that does not usually leave enough to my imagination) e.g., Nip/Tuck or Queer as Folk.

I am sure that there are many people who feel as I do. I want to know what I can do for myself but also how to direct future partners. I would also like to have a clue how to help my future partner(s) be satisfied. Like most women, I need to feel a level of intimacy with a man before taking him to bed (which you can see from my history is rare) and am not looking for casual sex or anything. But when I find it, I want to know what to do so it is the best sex we have ever had or can imagine. So I think I need to start with learning how to give myself pleasure....

Suggestions?

Hello shedoc,

You've come to the right site to get a lot of your questions answered. Most of the posts you get back will be sensitive and want to help you. You are NOT alone with your feelings and experiences. You hit it right on the head by saying that you need to find out what gives you pleasure in private first before trying to let partners figure it out. That can spell disaster and resentment. Men really can't give you orgasms unless you want them, as you have to let yourself have orgasms. Deep mental issues can prevent orgasms no matter what. The guy can be hung like a horse and giving you great oral, but unless you relax and let it happen, it won't . I come from the school of hard knocks with my girlfriend who faces very similar issues as you do, though she is 44 yrs old. She is from a religious Catholic background as you are and is still working on losing those inhibitions, and she is getting better as its been almost a year for us. One of the things I did for her after we finally felt comfortable about all this was to get her a small non-intimidating vibrator for her to use in private. She uses this a couple of times a week to learn about herself. She was unable to orgasm as you are, but finally has and is learning how to make them better for herself, and will give me some guidance as to what she likes. I have never been with a woman who couldn't cum while doing oral sex, but my girlfriend was the first. I would still only call our sex ok, and not even really good, much less great. This will take awhile as yours may also. Maybe you will be lucky and it won't take very long. Most of it is mental and not physical, and your realization that masturbation is not wrong is the best step that you can make. The ladies here will provide a lot better input than I will, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone, are normal, and you do deserve to enjoy these great feeling our bodies gives us.

Good Luck..

Telecom

[Fun Factory Vibes]

Anyone ever use these and have comments? Since my gf is still a little shy about vibes and such, she was actually very up for getting one of these.

We looked at a few of them in a shop today and the quality looked nice.

We got one of the cock rings with the vibrating bullet on it (tried it yesterday) from a different company and she did like that. She is opening up more still.

Thx...

[Dogs In Bed]

Need some opinions here. A point of contention with my gf and I sometimes is her two small dogs in bed with us all the time. They are those ugly hairless Chinese Crested dogs, and she loves them more than anything and has had them since they were puppies. They sleep in bed with us all the time and are very demanding for attention. They whine and are worse than little kids, really. Anyway, they are often in bed with us at the time one if us initiates sex and they can be annoying milling around us. I have told her I don't feel comfortable with them in bed with us during sex, and sometimes she will take them out and close the door, but not all the time. What do you think?

[First Therapy Session]

Good for both of you! No, GREAT! for both of you. The therapist was right on...she needs to focus on what she's got right in front of her - not many men would still be there with her and willing to pay for the therapy sessions...hats off to you...I wish you both the very best and continued awakenings and renewals...and lots of fun!

Scout

Scout,

Thanks for the encouraging words. She went to a second session with the therapist and didn't want to go anymore after that. The therapist was really putting the hard sell on her (and I) for a third "intensive" session with her partner therapist, and she wanted a freaking $700 for a three hour session. We both felt a little uncomfortable with this tactic and are trying go work it out ourselves. I gave my gf a very hard line ultimatum (based on some advice from others on the forum) about a week ago telling her if she can't help herself to help us, I'm leaving. End of story. It was very much to the point! This awoke the shit out of her and how serious I was. She was actually very understanding and didn't do the "feel sorry for me" routine. She did tell me she has finally had a couple of orgasms with her vibrator in private that she didn't tell me about, and is learning what feels good. She said when she feels a little more comfotable, she wants me to use the vibrator on her. I really think most of this is her trust in me and still being here in the future. She is finally telling me how to give her oral sex and where things feel good for her. That is all I have ever asked from her...FEEDBACK. I told her how important her feedback is to me and I appreciate it VERY much she is telling me and that she can trust me. In fact while making love in the missionary postition yesterday, instead of just thrusting in and out, I just went in as far as possible and rode higher on her pubic bone to give her clit more stimulus and moved up and down slowly. She was telling me how to move and then said "right there, perfect..don't stop". I keep teeling her to think about herself and what feels good for her, as she deserves to feel good sexually. This was at my house and my son was expected to come over to visit, but we weren't sure when. She said the added excitment of possibly being caught got her going big time, and I could easily see it did. She was moaning a lot more than I have ever heard her and she was VERY wet, which usually isn't the case. We even left a huge stain on my new $150 comforter. Damn She said this is the first time she has experienced an orgasm while making love with me, and I could feel the contraction in her pussy. I love to eat her pussy to, and she seems to get the best stimulus to the left side of her clit which she finally told me as I explored with my tounge. She is talking more dirty to now and I can tell from her voice is more comfortable with it to. So, from what I can see and learned, she requires A LOT of foreplay to get excited before sex. That is very important. She loves A LOT of kissing, and straddling me with our clothes on and "dry humping" my erection thru my clothes before getting serious gets her going. That is fine with me.

While shopping at the mall today and sitting on a bench in public, I got an erection from just thinking about our session yesterady. I placed a shopping bag over my crotch and put her hand on my erection under the bag. She was a little shy and laughing about it, but said that got her excited doing that in public and was fun. Since she is naive and inexperienced about sex, I'm trying to teach her that sex and intimacy is about a lot of things like doing that in public, making sex fun and laughing, intimate, dirty talk, cuddling after sex (no lovers have ever done that with her, even ex husband of 20 yrs), letting me buy her lingerie, innocent flirting with each other, going to bed and NOT having sex sometimes and just talking and holding each other, kissing and caressing, holding hands in public, unexpected kisses anywhere and anytime, respect, feeding each other carrot cake (our favorite), and what ever else makes us feel good. I'm a very intimate and touchy feely person, so I do some of this in public. She isn't used to the displays of public affection from past relationships, but seems to thrive on these now.

She tells me often that I'm the only lover she has ever had that cares about her sexual feelings and that she is surprised by my continued support. I know this will take longer still, but this is the most progress I've seen her make in ten months, but I will proceed cautiously and continue to hope for the best.

Sorry for long email.

Telecom...

[Need Comments From My Friends Here...]

I think Sandra is right. The sex issues are just a symptom of what is really happening. I have tried to help out on all of this for some time and I can relate to Telecoms feelings of frustration. I think if you are going to ask her about what is going on, you need to dig deeper than "why is the sex so bad". She needs to come clean about how she feels about your kids, the drugs, where or if she sees your relationship in six months ect. I Despise passive-aggresive tactics and that is all she is using. I think that she knows how the bad sex is affecting you and trying to use it to drive a wedge in between you. Some people just like to be miserable and now, she can say, the sex was bad so he left. She needs more help than a sex-therapist, Howard is right on that note. I think there is much more than meets the eye on this one.

Crazy

My gf told me the therapist said me and her needed to attend a three hour intensive session with her partner therapist this Sat, and she wanted freaking $700! She said she was really putting a sales job on her to attend.

I talked to her VERY frank last night and to the point with no bullshit. I told her if she can't work out her issues about her self image, provide some feedback while having sex, understand my kids, etc, then our relationship is OVER and DONE. I don't expect this to happen in a week, but if I don't see her trying, then I'm not putting anymore effort into the relationship and I'm moving on. I have never talked to her like this before and she was shocked, but did listen and agree.

The patience and nurturing over the last ten months hasn't worked, so maybe this ultimatum will.