Mixed Up Mess

My hubby and I are really horny but can’t get me to cum. I usually need a vibrator but nothing is working! Any suggestions?

I’ve been really struggling with the idea of turning 50. It’s coming up quickly and I’ve been trying to come up with a relatively inexpensive but kind of crazy out of the ordinary thing to do. I’ve thought about getting another tattoo, but that almost seems boring. Maybe getting a third piercing or one in another part of my ear or my nipples. I don’t want to get a new hairstyle or have my nails done. BORING! I’m not comfortable with doing a threesome or messing around. I love my hubby and I would be terrified, especially since it would be cheating in my eyes. Does anyone have suggestions or what they have done to celebrate a milestone birthday?

It’s sounding like most of you are encouraging me to do it! My one fear is if I have to wait 9-12 months before we can play with them again. Those of you that have done it, how long did you have to wait?

I’ve heard that having an orgasm for a woman is more in her head than stimulating her sensitive parts. Maybe you can talk with her about what is making her anxious. She may not even be anxious but she can absorb some of your anxiety. You both may benefit from marriage counseling or seeing a sex therapist. Maybe you need to share your fantasies with each other or watch porn or a really sexy movie. It’s possible that you could be so focused on the finish that you’re not really taking the time to enjoy the trip. I hope you are able to find ways to help each other relax and enjoy yourselves.

Depending on the cause of your pain, there are physical therapists that work directly with women on building up pelvic floor strength and also they can help with handling penetration. Honestly, it’s a lot better than a pap! Even if it doesn’t lead to becoming sexually active, you will feel more relaxed and better about your body. Good luck!

Many women need a lot of foreplay before the “big event”. I think there are many of us that grew up with those archaic ideas that are so toxic to women. Ideas such as sex before marriage is a sin, no one will want you if you’re not a virgin, sex is a duty and you owe it to your husband, we shouldn’t enjoy sex, sex is for procreating, etc. I grew up feeling that any sexual feelings were inappropriate, dirty and wrong. Even now I don’t like the idea of others knowing that we’re screwing around in our room when the door is closed and locked. I know it’s something I don’t need to be ashamed of, but I’m still embarrassed about it! Have you ever had a discussion about how sex was perceived in her home growing up? Sharing some of those feelings might “loosen things up” for her. What about how she perceives herself? If she’s gone through menopause, things have changed. She probably doesn’t get as wet when you’re playing around. If she feels fat or unattractive that can definitely add to wanting to avoid intimacy. Maybe you two could go on some dates again! Get couples massages, go on a crazy vacation where there could be lots of touching. My hubby and I were in a dry spell for over a decade due to horrible stress at home with one of our kids. Now that she’s moving out in a couple of months, we’re getting pretty horny and messing around almost every night. I haven’t had an orgasm in months, even with oral sex and using vibrators. I guess we’re not out of the woods yet, but to finally be attracted to my hubby in a sexy way again is wonderful. I find that I reach out to touch him just to make that connection. Intimacy can be created and lost in so many ways. For years it was easier to push my hubby away when he wanted sex than to put in the effort to connect with him. With depression rearing it’s ugly head, It’s easier to pull away and continue to move away rather than find the energy to focus on our relationship. I’m glad that you’re open to different ideas. I apologize for the mega-long post! It sounds to me that your wife has the right man - willing to give up and fight for your marriage! She’s lucky to have you!

I’m more interested in a guy’s upper arms and straight shoulders.

It sounds to me like she isn’t interested due to a few possibilities: 1. Do you treat her the same way you did when you were trying to get her to say yes? Flowers, love notes in unexpected places, etc…. 2. How often do you touch? Is every touch with the purpose of possible sex? Are there sometimes that you touch her to share your love and remove the possibility of providing her with that feeling of desire/wanting sex? 3. What were things like when you were dating? At one point I’m sure you just reached out to hold her hand, maybe pull her hand up a give it a kiss? Treat her like a queen. When you’re driving, reach out and hold her hand. Let her know that she’s in charge both in and out of the bedroom. 4. does she know that she is the most beautiful woman in the world? Food for thought! good luck!

I have been considering getting my nipples pierced. Have any of you done it, and is it worth it? I love having my hubby play with my nipples and boobs. I don’t want to have to give that up for a huge amount of time while they heal! Does piercing make your nipples more sensitive? Do you feel sexier now that you have them pierced? Thanks for your feedback!

Thank you for sharing! Unfortunately, the Satisfyer does absolutely NOTHING for me.

Thanks! We’ve been discussing them but I think he doesn’t want to admit it. He bought a penis pump and that can do it; but even with a cock ring it doesn’t last long. 🥴

I’ve been married for 27 years and grew up hearing my mom telling me that “she HAD to “spend time” with my dad. Sex between them was definitely an obligation. Pre-marital sex was taboo as well as having sexual feelings. I'm turning 50 in a couple of months and going through a mid-life crisis. I guess the amazing part is that all of the sudden I’m horny all the time! I’ve been jumping my hubby’s bones almost every day and been obsessed with my boobs and nipples. I’ve bought some “fake” nipple jewelry and have been wearing it a lot even though it tends to fall off when my nipples relax. Because of that issue, I’ve been using suction cups twice a day and pulling, stretching and massaging my nipples and boobs. I’ve also been sleeping with a tank top and pulling it down and sleeping with my boobs free. We’re both obsessing over playing with and sucking on my boobs and nipples. Hubby has ED from meds so sex can be difficult. We’re using a lot of dildos and vibrators but I’ve only cum once in a long time. So basically, I’m horny as hell and can’t get enough of fucking my husband. Not interested in threesomes or swinging or cheating. Thanks for reading!

He doesn’t demand anything. I have wondered if anyone felt similarly to me. Thanks for the tips on how to pleasure him.

On this forum as well as anyplace else I seem to look, there are people talking about how much they love cum - both smell and taste. I love playing with my hubby’s cock but I can’t seem to enjoy the taste of cum. Deep throat is definitely not good for my gag reflex! Am I the only one who just can’t get excitement from a guy cumming? How do others handle this? Feeling guilty about it!

Etsy may be a great place to look. I’ve seen all sorts of stuff on that site.